Okay, so she started out with an easy target. Now what does she have to say about Germany?..) From Don (1/4 Kashub, 1/4 Pommern, 1/4 Swedish, 1/8 Pfalzer/Palatinate, 1/16 Swiss, 1/16 Bohemian...and 1/16 step-French Canadian if anyone will count) At 07:48 PM 7/31/01 -0700, MAK wrote: >OK, I couldn't resist. For those of you looking for your French ancestors >(like me), perhaps you will find this amusing - CAUTION - it has nothing to do >with genealogy - but it is humerous and sent to me by a friend who is a FRENCH >citizen and living in Paris... She is half German half French like me - so >thus the last line was truely a kick!!! > >R/S MAK > >FRANCE: Guide for American Tourists > >France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of >Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly >as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and >some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not very good >shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the >Louvre and Eurodisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are >champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to >think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it >is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One >continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist >on speaking in French, though many will speak English if shouted at. > > >THE PEOPLE > >France has a population of 57 million people. 52 million of these drink and >smoke (the other 5 million are small children). All French people drive like >lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing >patiently on line. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, >proud, arrogant, aloof and disciplined; those are their good points. >Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it >from their behavior. Many people are communists. Men sometimes have >girls'names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet. >American travelers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps >and colorful trousers for easier recognition. > > >SAFETY > >In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers must be aware >that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally,the French >surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky >and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, >life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel >connecting France to Britain beneath the English channel has been opened in >recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London >during future German invasions. > > >HISTORY > >France was discovered by Charlemagne in the Dark Ages. Other important >historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques >Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now >an airport. > > >GOVERNMENT > >The French form of government is democratic but noisy. Elections are held >more or less continuously and always result in a draw. The French love >administration so for government purposes the country is divided into >regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes,villages, >cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government and >elections. Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower, though >confusingly they are both on the ground floor, and whose members are either >Gaullists or Communists, neither of whom should be trusted by the traveler. >Parliament's principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the south >Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain. >According to the most current American state department intelligence, the >President is now someone named Jacques. Further information is not available >at this time. > > >CULTURE > >The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see >why. All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that >you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. > > >CUISINE > >Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a >slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, >although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In >general, travelers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers. > > >ECONOMY > >France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in >Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they >are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and >blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal >exports, in order of importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons, >perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade launchers, land mines, >tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese. > > >PUBLIC HOLIDAYS > >France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 >national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 >Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in triumph as >if he won the war single-handed Days, 18 Napoleon sent into Exile Days, 17 >Napoleon Called Back from Exile Days, and 2 "France is Great and the Rest >of the World Sucks" Days. > > >CONCLUSION > >At least it's not Germany. > > > > > >===== >=========================== >MAK = "Mar sea ah Ann Keel" >WI ACS http://www.rootsweb.com/~wigenweb/ >MAKs Sites http://www.rootsweb.com/~wiwood/links/MAK.html >=========================== > >__________________________________________________ >Do You Yahoo!? >Make international calls for as low as $.04/minute with Yahoo! Messenger >http://phonecard.yahoo.com/ > > >==== WIWOOD Mailing List ==== >Visit Wood County WI at: <http://www.rootsweb.com/~wiwood/> or >http://www.rootsweb.com/~wiwood/WLHN/WoodCoWI/ >WIWOOD-L Listowner: Marcia Ann KUEHL <makkuehl@yahoo.com> > > > Don Litzer Head of Adult Services McMillan Memorial Library 490 E. Grand Avenue Wisconsin Rapids, WI 54494 (715) 423-1040 "Happiness = Reality - Expectations"