>One of the reasons for having ancestors is to avoid descendants like >this. Appologies to those with no need for jokes today: I couldn't >resist forwarding it. There's something truely trajic in these >stories. By the way, it came from LIVING-L at Rootsweb. Possibly >these things really happened. Ashley >X-Loop: LIVING-L@rootsweb.com > >THE DARWIN AWARDS - It's that time again! The awards this year are classic. >These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that >individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to >remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies and >Gentlemen...(drum roll... and envelope please), we present the 2000 "Natural >Selection" awards: > >5th RUNNER-UP: Goes to a San Anselmo, California, man who died when he hit a >lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a >foam pad. The 22-year-old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth >Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's >Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a >ski run called >Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. >Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to >protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to >slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been >investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed. > >4th RUNNER-UP: Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a >St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, >Puelo grabbed a >hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found >him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener >from his throat where it had choked him to death. > >3rd RUNNER-UP: Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag >standing above him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly >when it fell >on him. > >2nd RUNNER-UP: "Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party, >(probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 >bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his >mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and >tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a >prank during >the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an >aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off >and this guy said, 'I'll show you how to set it off.'" He put it into his >mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and >tongue off, Payne >said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with >extensive facial >injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I >just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said. > >1st RUNNER-UP: Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an >Oregon man shot >through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released >soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend >during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men >anonymous (probably >known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grant's Pass, Oregon. A friend >tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right >eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major >blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. >Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in >Portland said >the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the >rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. >Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own he >surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his >friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about >this." No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County >district attorney's >office said the initiation stunt is under investigation. > >Now THIS YEAR'S WINNER: (The late) John Pernicky and his friend, >(the late) Sal >Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica >concert at the George, Washington, amphitheater. Having no tickets >(but having >had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" >over the nine >foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck >over to the >fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. >Hawkins) to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for >(the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the >fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. >His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a >large branch >that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he >looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would >break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut >away his shorts >to free himself from he tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly >bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the >protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To >make matters >worse, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Mr. Hawkins, on >seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided to throw him a rope >and pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and >slowly driving >away. > >However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed >through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police >arrived to find >the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at >the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found >John under it, half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in >his rectum, a >knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the >air. Congratulations, gentlemen, you win! > --