> >>1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. > >> > >>2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often. > >> > >>3. Going to a church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing > >>in a garage makes you a car. > >> > >>4. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat. > >> > >>5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. > >> > >>6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. > >> > >>7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. > >> > >>8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. > >> > >>9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. > >> > >>10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. > >> > >>11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. > >> > >>12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good. > >> > >>13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. (Just remember how lucky you were to > >>get a free trip around the sun.) > >> > >>14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. > >> > >>15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. > >> > >>16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. > >> > >>17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist > >>change places. > >> > >>18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. > >> > >>19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks > >>before you need it. > >> > >>20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. > >> > >>21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake > >>when you make it again. > >> > >>22. By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends. > >> > >>23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator. > >> > >>24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real > >>world. > >> > >>25. If you must choose between two evils, chose the one that you've never > >>tried before. > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Persistent heartburn? Check out Digestive Health & Wellness for information > and advice. http://gerd.msn.com/default.asp >