I Am Your Worst Nightmare.  I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, notsome midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to giveit away to crack addicts squirting out babies. I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way,damn it! I believe no oneever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang.  I think owning a gundoesn't make you a killer.  I believe it's calledthe Boy Scouts for a reason.  I don't think beinga minority makes you noble or victimized.  I believe that ifyou are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English.  I don't use theexcuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions oractions.  I think fireworksshould be legal on the 4th of July.  I think that being astudent doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. Infact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.  I believe everyonehas a right to pray to his or her God.  My heroes are JohnWayne, the Simpsons and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.  I don't hate therich. I don't pity the poor.  I know wrestling isfake, and I don't waste my time arguing about it.  I think globalwarming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing myass through a long winter?  I've never owned aslave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after gettingchased out of Egypt, and I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by theTurks, and neither have you, so shut-the-#$%! up already.  I want to know whichchurch is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where doeshe get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not thesolution.  I think the copshave every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.  I also think theyhave the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless ofwhat color you are.  I think if you aretoo stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should berunning the most powerful nation the world for the next four years.  I hate thosebastards standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying toguilt me into making 'donations' to their cause. These people should betargets.  I think if you arein the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and youshould be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest ofus again.  I think beef jerkycould quite possibly be the perfect food.  I believe that itdoesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.  I think tattoos andpiercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are apolitical statement.  I think Dr. Seusswas a genius.  I'm neither angrynor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would likethe world to believe otherwise.  I believe if she hasher lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This evenapplies when you are President of the United States.  If that makes me aBAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.