Hi all, I just got this and thought I would pass it on.  It sure gives a look at what it must have been like for our ancestors to pull up and migrate to another place.  It makes me wonder how I would have dealt with it or if I could have gone thru those kind of hardships and survived?????????  Later, Karen Hamilton   > Hi Frontporch Friends... > My friend, Bobbie, sent this to me and I thought you all might enjoy  reading > it too. Even though I think or grandmothers left their homes with much more > hope in their hearts than this, it is a very moving piece. >         Have a good day everyone. >         Margy > > This was written by Jan Philpot <unicorn@sun-spot.com>.  Even though Jan's  > specifically talking about pioneer migration from North Carolina to Tennessee > in this essay, the information applies to any family that trekked across this > country in the colonial and pioneer eras. > > Jan's given permission to spread this essay around.  If you wish to share this > with others (individually or on lists), please be sure Jan gets credit for > writing it. > > Sometime ago Cher [Adams] and I began a "Sunday Afternoon Rockin'" column on > the Stewart Co. [TN Genealogy Discussion] List...it became so popular and > seemed to help so many folks that it is now used on two other lists and we > wondered if you might enjoy it too. > > Today I am going to step into the shoes of someone else.  I live in andnearby > the mountains many of our ancestors crossed to settle Middle Tennessee...I > don't think about it much until I drive out or in, and then it never fails to > cross my mind and I am in total awe. > > What kind motivation did it take for folks to set out on a journey over > mountains that unwelcoming and that daunting, in danger of natives, nature > itself....KNOWING full well they may never see the end of it, and that if they > did they were more than likely to lose half their family in the process?  What > kind of thoughts crossed their mind when they made that decision?  What kind > of inner strength and fortitude did they possess > that many of us today do not? > > Well...bear with a bit of a reverie here...may not totally be historically > accurate, but I think the thoughts of a mother and a wife are...I stepped into > the past and into the shoes of someone who might have been one of those folks: > > "Johnny is decided.  I reckon I have but one choice and it ain't an easy one. > > "He says we have no choice, that we have to move on west and that now is the > time to do it. There is land waiting  in Tennessee he says, land that can be > ours.  He says any citizen of North Carolina now has a right to what ain't > taken.  He says there is nothin here for us anymore, and I am reckoning that > is right too. But my heart is twisting in the inside of me and that is so as > well. > > "I got three babies buried out back there to leave behind.  The fever got > Jakie... buried him at the age of two and like to broke my heart. Big strong > boy, was sure he would make it...but the fever got him.  Lizzie died at two > months and Johnny never knew her name.  He told me plain she wasn't healthy > and not to get attached to her, to leave off the name so I wouldn't until we > knew would she make it or not.  But I couldn't stand > putting her down in the ground without a name.  I called her Lizzie in > whispers and the > day we buried her I whispered in her ear hopin somehow she would hear me,  > "Yore name is LIZZIE...Elizabeth Jane Clark, after your grandma, you hear?  I > named you after the mama I loved and that is yore name cause I love you too." > > "I knew full well how it is to bring youngins into the world and knew I would > be burying them too, but I couldn't stand that baby nameless. > > Ain't no marker there, but I know it is Lizzie...nobody else does and when I > leave here won't nobody know.  Mattie is the third and I don't know how Johnny > can not think of that...I reckon he does but does no good to be dwellin on > it...a man's way.  Mattie lived to be twelve.  She was Johnny's pick. > > "Yes, it twists my heart the thought of leavin those babies out back there, > worse even than it twists my heart I am leavin my mama's grave and those of my > three brothers and two sisters.   Won't nobody know my babies are there, won't > nobody else pass by and stand a minute to remember.  I won't never be back.  I > done decided before I go I am gonna go out back there and lay some big stones > where they are, gonna scratch their names in it if I can, gonna lay some > flowers there and tell them good-bye.  I know it don't make no sense, but  > somehow I feel like I am deserting my babies, even if I cain't > talk to them nor they to me. > > "That ain't all the thinkin and heart twistin I am doin about leavin > here...Papa has my brothers that are livin, and my sister Jane, but I  know > the day I tell them goodbye is the last time I am gonna see them.  I know Papa > will die and I won't be here to bury him, nor any of the others either. There > is somethin comforting about washing and dressing your dead...about lovin em > gentle-like one last time and doin all you can for them before you send them > on to the next world, and I won't get to do that...won't even know when it > happens...will live all my days wondering if Papa is gone yet, or the others, > and when they went, and how. > > "I won't watch my neices and nephews grow up and I won't have Jane no more to > talk to.  Maybe I can send them word somehow along the way we are all right, > maybe sometime they can send me word...but don't see how as things are now.  > They don't show no notion of following us to Tennessee.  Only Johnny's > brothers going to do that.  All I will be able to do is look up at the stars > at night and think 'well Papa and Jane might be looking up at these same > stars...might not be together, but we in the same world with the same > roof...that is something.' > > "And the heart tuggin just goes right on too....I pitched an everlovin fit > when Johnny come up with this.  I looked at my livin youngins, all six of > them, looked at their eyes a-shinin as Johnny told em what was waitin out > there for the takin, the times we would have, the future they had ahead...and > I tell you my heart broke like somebody took a hammer and crushed it, over and > over six times and no mercy.  Those blue eyes shinin, > those bright heads dancin up and down in excitement....and not a one of em old > enough or with sense enough to know that they all wouldn't make it. > > "We'll wind up burying some of em on one of those mountains loomin up like > walls that reach to the clouds, or beside the river..I know we will and there > ain't no two ways about it...and I know if my heart is breakin now it is gonna > break even more then...Johnny won't have no time to let me stay there a spell > and grieve..we will just have to leave them behind where ain't nobody, not > even Jane, gonna know or drop on by and stay with them a spell now and > then...I won't even know for sure where it is I left my babies on the way.  > Don't know how we will even go about buryin em right, > puttin them away like a mama ought to have the right to lay her babies to the > final rest. > > "And taint no sense dwellin on it.  I know good and well could be none of us > gonna make it, and for sure, if we stayed here neither there ain't no > guarantee ...whole families I watched wiped out by first one thing and then > the other. Caint vouch that the natives won't get us, nor a sickness, nor bad > water, nor a piece of bad blood waiting to ambush us on the trail.  Cain't > vouch that river won't get us, have heard about that river and the places in > it.  Cain't vouch how long what supplies we have will last, nor for sure we > can get more.  Caint vouch for nothin much at all, cept Johnny is right. > > "Ain't nothin much for us here, gettin less and less all the time, and what of > our babies make it, if any of em do, well they will have a better chance for > it.  They may can own their own land this way, get by easier in the world once > that place is settled in.  Maybe they can have things someday me and Johnny > never dreamed of.  But it shorely is a high price to pay.  It shorely is. > > "And I reckon I'll follow Johnny even if my heart is twisting and bleedin > inside of me to where I don't know how I am gonna keep on keepin on.  Johnny > is decided and I reckon he is right." > > And that is what I think might have gone through a mother's mind two hundred > years ago. >