YOU MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF... *You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." *You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! *You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. *For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits. *You don't know what a moon pie is. *You've never had grain alcohol. *You've never, ever, eaten okra. *You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. *You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips. *You have no idea what a polecat is. *You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. *You don't have bangs. *You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags. *More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut. *You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show. *Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women. *You don't think Howard Stern has an accent. *You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. *You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach. *You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house. *The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway. *The sound of Fran Drescher's voice doesn't bother you. *Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head. *You get freaked out when people in public talk to you. *You don't know what a Piggly-Wiggly is. *You don't "reckon". *You're not "fixin" to do anything. *You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores. *The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus. *You call binoculars opera glasses. *You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping. *You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt. *You don't know what applique is. *You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean) *You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one. *You've never been to a craft show. *You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you. *You can't do your laundry without quarters. *None of your fur coats are homemade.