Have you often got tired of the long letters you receive from your friends who traverse the past year's event in a mono-log that would stall the thinking of a moose? In truth the letters should go like this: I lost 60 pounds this year after spending 3 months in jail from a public disturbance after church where I punched the church choir director for laughing at my singing. My wife has been real helpful. She has stated many times that "She can tell I'm loosing weight--she can see the house when I get out of the car!" My cousin Jed got caught speeding this year thru town at 130 miles an hour. He told the judge that he thought the state policeman was the same one his wife had run away with back in the winter --and he thought the policeman was bringing her back. Our crops didn't do much this year. It got so hot the popcorn started popping in the field. Our old mule thought it was snowing and froze to death. My cousin Nelle Bell and her husband Cecil got in a fight at the still. Nelle pushed Cecil into a 55 gal drum of mash and he drowned. To save money they had him cremated. He burned for 3 days. It has been an awful hot summer at the hog farm this year. My uncle Roger, as usual, came home completely snobbered one evening. His wife Lucy had opened up the house to cool down. Roger staggered into the front door and went completely thru the house out the back door and lay down in the pig pen. His wife heard him later that night kissing on a big hog and heard him say "Honey--I think you are loosing weight!" Our pastor has been doing a good job this year. He has spent a lot of time on the "fruits of evil" and how they get people into a jam. One old guy stood up and asked "wouldn't eating a lot of prunes help?" The kid's choir has a new version of Deck the Halls". Seems it has been changed to "Deck the halls with Buddy Holly". Well--we have got to finish our Christmas shopping. I'll probably get a new clock this year. My wife has cleaned mine so many times--She keeps telling me I'm wasting time-- watching the soaps. (I do wish young Judy would get married, Aunt Sally leave town, and the lawyer would just shut up--so I could get my chores done) I guess I could turn the tube off! It looks like a long cold winter is in store for us. The fuzz on my wife's long johns is starting to get static electricity and the cat won't sleep in her lap anymore. My brother-in-law Joe just got out of the hospital. Seems he was working for this gangster group in North Jersey. They told him to go and blow up a car. He evidently burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe. This late fall and winter has the makings of a bad winter. It has been so cold that the politicians around DC have had their hands in their own pockets. Santa came by early this year---wanted to borrow some money for a new sleigh. He must have thought I was just getting into town on the turnip wagon. We cant hang any mistletoe this year--the reindeer ate it up. It has "overall" been a good year. Seems all the Riddles are alive and well-- and out of jail. "Moonshiners of America" has a gathering scheduled in Shannondale WVa the first week of May 2003. By that time the goundhogs will be out watching for trespassers. Did you know-----groundhogs are great watch dogs--they set up and whistle at an advancing noise or disturbance. Some came to our wedding and whistled at my wife! Our new preacher from WVA swalled a frog while out fishing--he croaked a few times and went on to meet aunt Jessica in the green valleys of our Lord's ransomed home for the saints. Our friend "Earl Dixon" cousin of Dolly Parton, died on Nov 6 of 2002. He and Hillbilly Heaven will be missed by all the old moonshiners and ramp eaters. They had the "after funeral dinner" at a Texas Steak House with a full police escort from the cemetary to the steak house. One old drunk said, "I have had police escorts from the pub--but never to the pub!" (True story) Our friend De Rev Bob Carneal shaved his beard this winter and found a chicken bone lodged in his ear. He had been picking up the TV reception from the WVA barn dance on Sat night. Now he hears the nagging of his wife Norma late at night to stop snoring. Our neigbors--Sam and Hayes, seems to have got in some early spirits partying. Hayes and Sam went to sleep early before a roaring fire. Hayes had gotten a new pair of overalls with shiny buttons. When he lay down that night, he hung the overalls on the door. Sam woke up about midnight and saw the buttons shinning from the fire and starting yelling "Hayes--Hayes--wake up--here comes Jesus with a lantern!" (This was a true story about 50 years ago) Wal---you all have a great New Year. Merry Christmas --------------------------------- Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now