All stuffed up? Families face dilemmas when disposing of parents' 'collections' Wednesday, January 02, 2008 By Marylynne Pitz, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Daniel Marsula/Post-Gazette illustration What do you do when you're stuck with your mom's cherished collection of 150 rooster figurines? Or your parents' more than 850 gumball charms? Or hundreds of your dad's pocketknives? Many Depression-era parents were big collectors, and when they die, they often leave behind wall displays of bottle caps or souvenir plates, albums of baseball cards, shelves full of teddy bears or miniature cars and other knick-knacks that are seemingly useless or even bizarre. Children who clean out the house confront their parents' mementos as well as relics of their own childhoods. Layered on top of this emotional minefield is the daunting question of what to keep, sell, donate to charity or drag to the curb. Before his death in 2005, physicist Simeon Friedberg spent Sunday afternoons visiting flea markets and buying pocketknives for a few dollars. His collection exceeded 2,000 of them. "We used to joke that there were no more pocketknives in Western Pennsylvania because they were all in shoe boxes under my parents' bed," said Susan Friedberg Kalson of Squirrel Hill, who hails from a clan of compulsive collectors. During Sunday dinners at the Friedbergs' home, "He loved to show you the pocketknives he had found at the flea market. He knew the history, knew how they were manufactured and what they were made of," she said. Two years after her father died, she and her two siblings helped their mother clean out the family's Squirrel Hill home. Most of the pocketknives were sold on e-Bay. "I took one. Each of my children chose some. I have a son and two daughters. They all associated the pocketknives with their grandfather. "It was hard going through stuff," Mrs. Kalson recalled. "It brought back a lot of memories." Harry L. Rinker, who has written more than 20 books about antiques and collectibles, knows how hard it is to sort through a lifetime's worth of objects. He was in his early 20s when his mother died and the sole heir to her estate. "Nothing divides a family more than settling an estate," said Mr. Rinker, author of "Sell, Keep, or Toss? How to Downsize a Home, Settle an Estate and Appraise Personal Property." Mr. Rinker of Vera Cruz, Lehigh County, has collected 50,000 objects during his 66 years. He loves jigsaw puzzles and fraktur, the elaborately decorated birth, marriage and death certificates created by the Pennsylvania Germans. Today's collectors have different tastes. "Too often, people who have grown up with this stuff say, 'How could this have any value?' If it belonged to your parents and they furnished the house in the '50s, '60s or '70s, you probably have some goodies," he said. The key to getting the most money for an object, Mr. Rinker said, is to find the right market, and that takes time. Consulting price guides for collectibles and antiques as well as finding clubs of collectors are helpful. Do not throw anything away until you have looked at it carefully. "I wouldn't throw out a piece of clothing without shaking it out," Mr. Rinker said, adding that he often finds jewelry and cash stashed in old socks in drawers, under drawer liners, in the pockets of old bathrobes and in hollowed-out Bibles. In an ideal world, you have siblings who lend a hand and agree on how to divide furniture and mementos. But if you live out of town, you may hire a professional organizer, an auction house or an eBay broker. Otherwise, years can pass as you slowly clean out a house. That's what happened to Lee Russell after his parents died in Florida. Mr. Russell grew up in New Castle and lives in Fort Lauderdale. But he waited for more than a year before he began selling items in January 2007 because he was close to his parents. "It took me over a year to finally come to terms with actually selling these items off," he said. "I fought for a year with myself. I did not want to do it." He ended up selling his parents' collections of Jim Beam bottles, Depression glass and Beatles buttons on eBay. He also spent two days sorting through 856 gumball charms shaped like license plates from 23 different states. Each charm dated from the 1950s. "I was hoping to get $20 to $50 for the entire set. I got $695," Mr. Russell said, adding that with 25 bidders, "The bidding was insane. Usually, you only get a couple bidders." Amy Sidelinger grew up in Indiana County with two sisters. This trio completed an Olympian trifecta of tasks by cleaning out the homes of three relatives in one year. On Labor Day weekend of 2005, the sisters finished cleaning out their maternal grandmother's home in Marion Center, Indiana County. Two weeks later, their own mother died of a heart attack. A security manager at McGraw-Hill, Mrs. Sidelinger lives in Hightstown, N.J. She, her twin sister, Emily, from Tennessee and their older sister, Pam, from Maryland began cleaning out their mother's four-bedroom Marion Center house shortly afterward. There was so much stuff they had to rent three Dumpsters. "It's the most difficult thing to have ever gone through," Mrs. Sidelinger said. "You stand there and everything means something," Among the items were the 150 roosters in the kitchen. "They were everywhere," Mrs. Sidelinger said, adding that her mother had even taken a chicken coop, varnished it, had shelves made for it and hung it on a kitchen wall to display some of the rooster figurines. "There were roosters that had never been unpacked," she said. "It just became a joke." She kept two roosters for sentimental reasons. Her mothers' friends also took some home. This collection, however, would have been a hit on eBay. "Roosters are in. Cows are out," said Mr. Rinker. "Remember when pigs were in? Hopefully, your parents die with the right animal. If it's the wrong animal, you're up the creek." Many of the items from the mother's house went to Goodwill -- instead of the Dumpster -- but all three sisters had trouble letting go. After the sisters recounted stories about mementos, friends offered a reality check by asking, "So, what are you going to do with it?" Among the items was an entire set of stuffed vegetables made by Del Monte. "We lined them up in a row and took a photo of them. They went to Goodwill. What am I going to do with 10 stuffed vegetables?" Mrs. Sidelinger asked. Her friend Stephanie Schiebel often invoked the 10-second rule. If none of the sisters could think of how to use an item in her home in 10 seconds, it was usually gone. It's not always apparent what's worth selling or what's destined for the trash bin. On a hot day this past summer, the Friedbergs sat at the dining room table, each choosing what they wanted when their mother, Joan Friedberg, emerged from the basement. "She's holding this Mickey Mouse radio from the 1930s that sat in my grandparents' bathroom throughout my entire childhood," said Mrs. Kalson. "I don't think it had all of its workings. She's holding up this thing, and she says, 'No one wants this, right? I can just throw this out?' " The sibling council voted immediately. "The three of us turned," Mrs. Kalson recalled, and said, "No, someone wants that. You can't throw that out." Those collective instincts were correct -- an e-Bay broker sold it for $1,300. Mrs. Kalson was selective in the mementos she chose to keep. Among these were a physics book with a pink cover and a clock that was in her grandparents' home. "It still works. It chimes every 15 minutes. My husband can't stand it," she says. "It sits right on our mantel as if it's always been there. I love that. The people I loved who aren't here anymore are still part of our everyday lives." Marylynne Pitz may be reached at 412-263-1648 or mpitz@post-gazette.com.