Hi Ruth.....got the cute cup of coffee......I had a bad feeling when I met you guys in Mesa that time....I just couldn't believe that he could say that.....and that you would put up with it...but then I figured you didn't get what Van Buren St. was....see ...right off the bat he said that to me....what is his problem anyway.....Did his mother make him repressed and a mannerly boy to the point of this.....or was he a spoiled little boy who always wanted his own way....so to do that....he had to make the other one the bad guy to justify his tantrums....that is what they are.... I know one thing .....it is all about CONTROL....basically.....men who batter and abuse women are really cowards.....they can't fight a man....because they would probably get the crap beat out of them....so they go to someone they can batter who is smaller than they are.....He probably felt insignifigant because he didn't get your undivided attention. And alot of guys are less concerned with the actual feelings of the woman...and more concerned with their own feelings......and how they appear to the world....Generally men like that....will spend money on things they enjoy.....the number one person in that kind of guy's life is him. What did Matt do all of these times...? I am glad that he is old enough to manage at this point with out you being there.....but he can always go see his own mother....you don't have to feel responsible for him...you tried....You should never have to take that disrespect from any man....and Matt needs to see that it is not behavior to continue....and women eventually leave when they are treated so badly...... Better for you to get out....He has already broken his marriage vows because of the fact that he does not honor you and doing that in the presence of his son....is terrible....He will have himself....and himself only....to live with.....He needs to get some counseling....the problem too...is that he thinks it is all o.k. He needs to finally admit to himself that this is not normal. Like I said before....he can't expect any woman to stay with him....if he trys to make an example of this behavior in front on Matt.....Or Matt will think this is o.k.. and he will continue the behavior......If you did stay....then it makes this seem o.k. for him to do....and he would have done it again....... I think it must have really been hard for the woman who had his children....she probably felt trapped.... I will never judge you.....I know Mike has a nice house....he has a nice car....he wears nice clothes.....everything "seems" nice about him....except for the fact that.....all of those surface things just cover up the fact that he isn't really "nice" at all.....He just wants the world out there to only see what he perceives...as "a really nice guy".....But the funny thing is.....I would be willing to bet that alot of people really do see through all of that facade......I doubt if he has that many people fooled......Yes...he has good points....and he is charming....and a good conversationalist....but....none of that is worth putting up with the other crap.....Now you can be the Ruth you always were....that he ...and Roger tried to put down......I will stand by you....because you are my friend, and my sister....and I love you. I don't love Roger, and I don't love Mike......I do ....however, still care about your first ....Rob....he was always the good one.....and he will probably always...care.... I am glad to hear that you have no intentions of any signifigant other.....you don't need that......It is too bad that you were with weak men who thought that abusing a woman makes them strong.....I does just the opposite....Any man who does that to a woman is a poor excuse for a man. I think I will send back the picture of you and Mike..if you want......and you can cut him out of the picture...ha. I guess...that I knew you wouldn't have listened to me back then before you got married....and you and I didn't see eye to eye on alot of things then.....so that is why I kept my doubts about him to myself....you would have just gotten mad at me.....maybe I should have....but you would have gotten mad...told him I didn't think he was a good choice....and it would have kept us divided more than we already were.....so I kept quiet....but I still didn't like it. And I had that gut feeling.....People will always give clues....you just have to see those red flags for what they are...."warning signals".......The charm kind of goes with that package too.....and when women get the I'm sorry....crap then they feel nutty.....all a form of the guy's manipulating and control..... Basically.....men who try to control a woman....feel inadaquate....and since they can't always control most things.....they feel like they have to control women.....I think men like that are really intimadated by women....and really don't even like women. So....I am glad you are moving on.....Your children are grown....and you did what you could for Matt...Mike's son....besides....he has a mother he can go to anyway.....You tried to be a good step mom..... Surround yourself with spiritual people who try to live the right way....have compassion for others....and don't wrap themselves up in only their own things....and you will be fine....Mike is still trying to control you from a distance....and he will do the same thing to someone else....Unless....he admits this is a problem.....and he has to get counseling. Good Luck Ruth......Love, Martha -----Original Message----- From: Tracy Hope <tracyh@earthling.net.nz> To: ORKNEY-L@rootsweb.com <ORKNEY-L@rootsweb.com> Date: Tuesday, October 19, 1999 9:19 AM Subject: Re: [ORKNEY] Sinclair >Excuse me while I delurk briefly, but I wanted to mention that my gggg >grandfather, a John FRISKEN, married a FLETT just before emigrating to New >Zealand. I'll find out the rest of the details if you like. > >--Tracy Hope > >> Wondering if anyone is researching the family of JAMES SINCLAIR married >> MARGARET FLETT 2-Jan-1817 in Firth & Stennes or their son DAVID SINCLAIR >> Married ELIZA PEARSON 2-Nov-1847 Kirkwall & St Olla. >> Rita Rodger in Wishaw,N.Lanarkshire > >