Chilly weather greetings, Now before the animal activists get up in arms over the subject matter of this e-mail, let me explain it's not as first it appears. Yesterday morning I took into my shed a old plastic bag that had been laying outside for months, it contained a lot of bits and pieces that needed sorting out. After about ten minutes of placing the bag in the shed, out from the bag scurried "The Orkney Vole" alias "Microtus arvalis orcadensis" as he sometimes likes to be known. Now "The Orkney Vole" is said to be quite different from the mainland vole, hence the "orcadensis" part of his Latin name. Another feature that differs between the two species, is their eating habits, where as the mainland vole is a herbivore, the Orkney Vole's diet consists entirely of bere bannocks and ginger snaps! My problem at the moment is how to evict Victor (that's the name I have given him) from my shed. So far all peaceful negotiations have failed and he his claiming squatters rights, something to do with his ancestors having lived in Orkney for the past 5,000 years. As Victor is one of God's most beloved of creatures I wish him no harm and I'm sure my shed is a far better place to stay during an Orkney winter, also his survival rate will be greater in the cozy environment of my shed. Quite clearly Victor is going to need feed during the long and hard Orkney winter, and with his very large appetite of 1 bere bannock and 6 ginger snaps per day, I am going to need fresh and plentiful supplies of his favourite food. May I humbly take this opportunity to ask everyone to give generously to this worthwhile cause, I have a freezer so I can always freeze the bere bannocks and ginger snaps should the response be over whelming. Take care Grumpy and Victor

Grumpy wrote: >Chilly weather greetings, > >Now before the animal activists get up in arms over the subject matter of >this e-mail, let me explain it's not as first it appears. > >Yesterday morning I took into my shed a old plastic bag that had been laying >outside for months, it contained a lot of bits and pieces that needed >sorting out. After about ten minutes of placing the bag in the shed, out >from the bag scurried "The Orkney Vole" alias "Microtus arvalis orcadensis" >as he sometimes likes to be known. Now "The Orkney Vole" is said to be quite >different from the mainland vole, hence the "orcadensis" part of his Latin >name. Another feature that differs between the two species, is their eating >habits, where as the mainland vole is a herbivore, the Orkney Vole's diet >consists entirely of bere bannocks and ginger snaps! > >My problem at the moment is how to evict Victor (that's the name I have >given him) from my shed. So far all peaceful negotiations have failed and he >his claiming squatters rights, something to do with his ancestors having >lived in Orkney for the past 5,000 years. As Victor is one of God's most >beloved of creatures I wish him no harm and I'm sure my shed is a far better >place to stay during an Orkney winter, also his survival rate will be >greater in the cozy environment of my shed. Quite clearly Victor is going to >need feed during the long and hard Orkney winter, and with his very large >appetite of 1 bere bannock and 6 ginger snaps per day, I am going to need >fresh and plentiful supplies of his favourite food. May I humbly take this >opportunity to ask everyone to give generously to this worthwhile cause, I >have a freezer so I can always freeze the bere bannocks and ginger snaps >should the response be over whelming. > >Take care > > > Grumpy, you'll need to learn to make a noise like either a hen harrier or a short-eared owl if you seriously want rid of Victor. Don't forget he'll need a drop of ginger wine too over the Yule :-) Seasonal greetings to you both -- Mike Clouston Who always gets homesick for Stromness at this time of year :-)