Thanks Linda!   All immediate family is dead. It is only cousins on our side and we are much younger. Anyone around at that time is gone. Our immediate family are the researchers and all of us were born many years after these events. I am sure this all came to a head when the "father" died. I have his military papers and there was activity from both wives for his benefits. But I am still thinking, everyone has given such good advice. I have a saying "if in doubt,don't".   Laurie     Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Thu, 1/7/10, Historic Linda <historic@tampabay.rr.com> wrote: From: Historic Linda <historic@tampabay.rr.com> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Thursday, January 7, 2010, 8:13 PM Perhaps you should "Let sleeping dogs lie."  Instead of looking at how your tree would be correct by incorporating the information on the 2nd family, or how it would help the Findagrave memorial, take a step back and try looking at what harm it might cause - especially since you stated that the immediate family members may not be aware.  Maybe there was a reason it was a secret all these years (1900's ??).  Or perhaps you might ask those involved for their opinion (both sides) and abide by their mutual decision. I've been waiting for someone to answer your query in this vein, but maybe I'm the only one who feels this way.  Sorry Laurie, but in my opinion, if you are not one of the immediate family (wife, child, etc) then I suggest you leave it alone.  Keep it as a note in your private file but don't share it with others without the express permission of those directly involved.  Linda -----Original Message----- From: nyerie-bounces@rootsweb.com [mailto:nyerie-bounces@rootsweb.com] On Behalf Of LAURIE Sent: Thursday, January 07, 2010 8:47 AM To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Bob   Yowza! Difficult at the time but for the genealogists,yes much easier!   Thank you for sharing that story.   laurie Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Wed, 1/6/10, Bob <rwurtz114660mi@comcast.net> wrote: From: Bob <rwurtz114660mi@comcast.net> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Wednesday, January 6, 2010, 12:02 PM My wife had it easier. After one of her earlier distant cousins went to Australia , he worked on ships, serving Australian ports.  When he died, both widows appeared at the funeral, all children in tow.  Nice to be remembered by all of your children and all grieving widows. B ----- Original Message ----- From: "LAURIE" <laurieg14120@yahoo.com> To: <nyerie@rootsweb.com> Sent: Wednesday, January 06, 2010 9:44 AM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Carol, thank you for the advice.It is all true! Everything everyone has posted has been thought provoking! And i agree with everyone's comments! I am still pondering this. Laurie Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Sun, 1/3/10, Carol Stevens <lashbrooke5@yahoo.com> wrote: From: Carol Stevens <lashbrooke5@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Sunday, January 3, 2010, 8:28 PM It is not necessarily true that if they don't know about FAG that they won't find the memorial. Try googling a few names of people you have memorialized on FAG. I typed in my grandfather's name on Google. First I just used given and surname. over 2900 hits, but something I had done for him on my blog showed up on the second page of hits. then, I tried a search for him and included his middle name. now there are 90 hits and the FAG memorial I built for him is on the very first page of hits. so, if someone is out there snooping around and doing google searches, they may find FAG even if they have NO idea what it is. Just another point of view for you to consider. As far as the first question. I don't have an answer, I personally do not like family secrets, because they usually come out (like you found out, etc.) and they usually are painful. Funny thing, when found out, they often have a positive outcome after the initial screaming and hooping is over. Truth can be "freeing" (horrible choice of words, but, I think you get the drift.) Good luck with your final decision. Carol Aging With Attitude Memory Is More Indelible Than Ink... Chinese proverb: "To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root." My blog: http://www.reflectionsfromthefence.com/ ________________________________ From: Ruth Madar <deerhardt@verizon.net> To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Sent: Sun, January 3, 2010 7:16:52 PM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial How many in your family know about Findagrave and do they actually use it? I, also, contribute to Findagrave but I don't think anybody in my family or my husband's family know that it exists. However, I am a private type of person and do things without others knowing about it. If it wasn't for genealogy, I wouldn't know it exists. I agree with you that they all should be included in the memorial. From what you wrote, it sounds like you aren't sure who knows and who doesn't. My opinion: put it the way you feel it should be........that way you'll find out who knows about the situation and who uses Findagrave. If someone comes along with questions, tell them the truth and explain that you didn't know who knew about the situation and who didn't. After all, if they have the same blood running through their veins, I feel they should know (remember....my opinion). My biggest concern in these situations is 'in-breeding' when no one is around to explain. Let's face it, it's like planning a wedding........you can't please everybody but you do your best. Ruth ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message       ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.725 / Virus Database: 270.14.129/2606 - Release Date: 01/07/10 14:35:00 No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.725 / Virus Database: 270.14.129/2606 - Release Date: 01/07/10 14:35:00 ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message

I would think that this deep kept secret got out when the father died as you said both wives applied for benefits. Must be decedents did not want to "accept" the facts. Good luck. Betty ________________________________ From: LAURIE <laurieg14120@yahoo.com> To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Sent: Sat, January 9, 2010 7:25:32 AM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Thanks Linda!   All immediate family is dead. It is only cousins on our side and we are much younger. Anyone around at that time is gone. Our immediate family are the researchers and all of us were born many years after these events. I am sure this all came to a head when the "father" died. I have his military papers and there was activity from both wives for his benefits. But I am still thinking, everyone has given such good advice. I have a saying "if in doubt,don't".   Laurie     Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Thu, 1/7/10, Historic Linda <historic@tampabay.rr.com> wrote: From: Historic Linda <historic@tampabay.rr.com> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Thursday, January 7, 2010, 8:13 PM Perhaps you should "Let sleeping dogs lie."  Instead of looking at how your tree would be correct by incorporating the information on the 2nd family, or how it would help the Findagrave memorial, take a step back and try looking at what harm it might cause - especially since you stated that the immediate family members may not be aware.  Maybe there was a reason it was a secret all these years (1900's ??).  Or perhaps you might ask those involved for their opinion (both sides) and abide by their mutual decision. I've been waiting for someone to answer your query in this vein, but maybe I'm the only one who feels this way.  Sorry Laurie, but in my opinion, if you are not one of the immediate family (wife, child, etc) then I suggest you leave it alone.  Keep it as a note in your private file but don't share it with others without the express permission of those directly involved.  Linda -----Original Message----- From: nyerie-bounces@rootsweb.com [mailto:nyerie-bounces@rootsweb.com] On Behalf Of LAURIE Sent: Thursday, January 07, 2010 8:47 AM To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Bob   Yowza! Difficult at the time but for the genealogists,yes much easier!   Thank you for sharing that story.   laurie Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Wed, 1/6/10, Bob <rwurtz114660mi@comcast.net> wrote: From: Bob <rwurtz114660mi@comcast.net> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb..com Date: Wednesday, January 6, 2010, 12:02 PM My wife had it easier. After one of her earlier distant cousins went to Australia , he worked on ships, serving Australian ports.  When he died, both widows appeared at the funeral, all children in tow.  Nice to be remembered by all of your children and all grieving widows. B ----- Original Message ----- From: "LAURIE" <laurieg14120@yahoo.com> To: <nyerie@rootsweb.com> Sent: Wednesday, January 06, 2010 9:44 AM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Carol, thank you for the advice.It is all true! Everything everyone has posted has been thought provoking! And i agree with everyone's comments! I am still pondering this. Laurie Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Sun, 1/3/10, Carol Stevens <lashbrooke5@yahoo.com> wrote: From: Carol Stevens <lashbrooke5@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Sunday, January 3, 2010, 8:28 PM It is not necessarily true that if they don't know about FAG that they won't find the memorial. Try googling a few names of people you have memorialized on FAG. I typed in my grandfather's name on Google. First I just used given and surname. over 2900 hits, but something I had done for him on my blog showed up on the second page of hits. then, I tried a search for him and included his middle name. now there are 90 hits and the FAG memorial I built for him is on the very first page of hits. so, if someone is out there snooping around and doing google searches, they may find FAG even if they have NO idea what it is. Just another point of view for you to consider. As far as the first question. I don't have an answer, I personally do not like family secrets, because they usually come out (like you found out, etc.) and they usually are painful. Funny thing, when found out, they often have a positive outcome after the initial screaming and hooping is over. Truth can be "freeing" (horrible choice of words, but, I think you get the drift.) Good luck with your final decision. Carol Aging With Attitude Memory Is More Indelible Than Ink... Chinese proverb: "To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root." My blog: http://www.reflectionsfromthefence.com/ ________________________________ From: Ruth Madar <deerhardt@verizon.net> To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Sent: Sun, January 3, 2010 7:16:52 PM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial How many in your family know about Findagrave and do they actually use it? I, also, contribute to Findagrave but I don't think anybody in my family or my husband's family know that it exists. However, I am a private type of person and do things without others knowing about it. If it wasn't for genealogy, I wouldn't know it exists. I agree with you that they all should be included in the memorial. From what you wrote, it sounds like you aren't sure who knows and who doesn't. My opinion: put it the way you feel it should be.........that way you'll find out who knows about the situation and who uses Findagrave. If someone comes along with questions, tell them the truth and explain that you didn't know who knew about the situation and who didn't.. After all, if they have the same blood running through their veins, I feel they should know (remember....my opinion). My biggest concern in these situations is 'in-breeding' when no one is around to explain. Let's face it, it's like planning a wedding........you can't please everybody but you do your best. Ruth ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message       ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.725 / Virus Database: 270.14.129/2606 - Release Date: 01/07/10 14:35:00 No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9..0.725 / Virus Database: 270.14.129/2606 - Release Date: 01/07/10 14:35:00 ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message       ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message

Thanks!!! I do need it. The dust did get stirred up many decades ago. No surprise to anyone but us youngsters.   laurie Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Sat, 1/9/10, B P POWELL <betts34@bellsouth.net> wrote: From: B P POWELL <betts34@bellsouth.net> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 12:02 PM I would think that this deep kept secret got out when the father died as you said both wives applied for benefits. Must be decedents did not want to "accept" the facts. Good luck. Betty ________________________________ From: LAURIE <laurieg14120@yahoo.com> To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Sent: Sat, January 9, 2010 7:25:32 AM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Thanks Linda!   All immediate family is dead. It is only cousins on our side and we are much younger. Anyone around at that time is gone. Our immediate family are the researchers and all of us were born many years after these events. I am sure this all came to a head when the "father" died. I have his military papers and there was activity from both wives for his benefits. But I am still thinking, everyone has given such good advice. I have a saying "if in doubt,don't".   Laurie     Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Thu, 1/7/10, Historic Linda <historic@tampabay.rr.com> wrote: From: Historic Linda <historic@tampabay.rr.com> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Thursday, January 7, 2010, 8:13 PM Perhaps you should "Let sleeping dogs lie."  Instead of looking at how your tree would be correct by incorporating the information on the 2nd family, or how it would help the Findagrave memorial, take a step back and try looking at what harm it might cause - especially since you stated that the immediate family members may not be aware.  Maybe there was a reason it was a secret all these years (1900's ??).  Or perhaps you might ask those involved for their opinion (both sides) and abide by their mutual decision. I've been waiting for someone to answer your query in this vein, but maybe I'm the only one who feels this way.  Sorry Laurie, but in my opinion, if you are not one of the immediate family (wife, child, etc) then I suggest you leave it alone.  Keep it as a note in your private file but don't share it with others without the express permission of those directly involved.  Linda -----Original Message----- From: nyerie-bounces@rootsweb.com [mailto:nyerie-bounces@rootsweb.com] On Behalf Of LAURIE Sent: Thursday, January 07, 2010 8:47 AM To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Bob   Yowza! Difficult at the time but for the genealogists,yes much easier!   Thank you for sharing that story.   laurie Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Wed, 1/6/10, Bob <rwurtz114660mi@comcast.net> wrote: From: Bob <rwurtz114660mi@comcast.net> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb..com Date: Wednesday, January 6, 2010, 12:02 PM My wife had it easier. After one of her earlier distant cousins went to Australia , he worked on ships, serving Australian ports.  When he died, both widows appeared at the funeral, all children in tow.  Nice to be remembered by all of your children and all grieving widows. B ----- Original Message ----- From: "LAURIE" <laurieg14120@yahoo.com> To: <nyerie@rootsweb.com> Sent: Wednesday, January 06, 2010 9:44 AM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial Carol, thank you for the advice.It is all true! Everything everyone has posted has been thought provoking! And i agree with everyone's comments! I am still pondering this. Laurie Researching: Ancestor Activist- Amico,Asciutto,Arico,Galbo,Giambrone,Mistretta,Frisa, Ortalano,Lazarra,Piacenti Van Ausdale,(Van Oesdale,Vanosdale,Van Arsdale, Van Arsdalen)Hendrickson Hartman,Mikuszewski,Szulc. --- On Sun, 1/3/10, Carol Stevens <lashbrooke5@yahoo.com> wrote: From: Carol Stevens <lashbrooke5@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Date: Sunday, January 3, 2010, 8:28 PM It is not necessarily true that if they don't know about FAG that they won't find the memorial. Try googling a few names of people you have memorialized on FAG. I typed in my grandfather's name on Google. First I just used given and surname. over 2900 hits, but something I had done for him on my blog showed up on the second page of hits. then, I tried a search for him and included his middle name. now there are 90 hits and the FAG memorial I built for him is on the very first page of hits. so, if someone is out there snooping around and doing google searches, they may find FAG even if they have NO idea what it is. Just another point of view for you to consider. As far as the first question. I don't have an answer, I personally do not like family secrets, because they usually come out (like you found out, etc.) and they usually are painful. Funny thing, when found out, they often have a positive outcome after the initial screaming and hooping is over. Truth can be "freeing" (horrible choice of words, but, I think you get the drift.) Good luck with your final decision. Carol Aging With Attitude Memory Is More Indelible Than Ink... Chinese proverb: "To forget one's ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root." My blog: http://www.reflectionsfromthefence.com/ ________________________________ From: Ruth Madar <deerhardt@verizon.net> To: nyerie@rootsweb.com Sent: Sun, January 3, 2010 7:16:52 PM Subject: Re: [NYERIE] Sensitive question for Findagrave memorial How many in your family know about Findagrave and do they actually use it? I, also, contribute to Findagrave but I don't think anybody in my family or my husband's family know that it exists. However, I am a private type of person and do things without others knowing about it. If it wasn't for genealogy, I wouldn't know it exists. I agree with you that they all should be included in the memorial. From what you wrote, it sounds like you aren't sure who knows and who doesn't. My opinion: put it the way you feel it should be.........that way you'll find out who knows about the situation and who uses Findagrave. If someone comes along with questions, tell them the truth and explain that you didn't know who knew about the situation and who didn't.. After all, if they have the same blood running through their veins, I feel they should know (remember....my opinion). My biggest concern in these situations is 'in-breeding' when no one is around to explain. Let's face it, it's like planning a wedding........you can't please everybody but you do your best. Ruth ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message       ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.725 / Virus Database: 270.14.129/2606 - Release Date: 01/07/10 14:35:00 No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9..0.725 / Virus Database: 270.14.129/2606 - Release Date: 01/07/10 14:35:00 ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message       ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to NYERIE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message