From: Shirley Elston <[email protected]> > Talking of divorce earlier,I was married in 1974 to someone and we > were both married before and had to obtain divorce papers to get > married to each other. > I knew my OH had been married before so didn't think anything of it > at the time. > We were together about 40 years altogether,10 of them before we > married and 30 years married and then we divorced just a few years > ago. I learned my ex had died a couple of years ago and for some > unknown reason I was looking on Ancestry at marriages for our > marriage details,just curiosity I suppose,like you do! I was amazed > to see that my ex had been married twice before he married me and > the second marriage had occurred while married still to the first > wife! > Well of course I had to persue this as I started to wonder about my > own marriage,thankfully the second wife had divorced him just a few > months before he married me. The second marriage he had was in the > 60's so at the in between stage of computers which is probably why > he got away with it. He produced the first marriage divorce papers > to marry me. He is dead now so I can't even ask him about it . > During the first 10 years we were together it suited me not to > re-marry after the first disaster and I suppose he didn't persue it > because of what he had done! I must confess I was a bit shocked to > discover this. > > Shirley < Having been in genealogy for around 40 years now, the very first thing I always tell beginners when they ask my advice on how to get started is this: "If you are the sort of person who is going to be upset by what you might discover, then don't even think about doing it!" When I began in the 1970s my late mother was horrified and begged my wife to try and stop me. Why? Because virtually the very first thing I found out was that not only had my father been married before, moreover that he had had an illegitimate daughter by another woman (not his wife) who was my half-sister. As it happens, my sister and I found each other a few years later (she lives in Australia) and we have met a number of times and got to know each other. We still keep in touch now and then via e-mail. I could never understand why my mother was so desperate not for me to find out, a generational thing I suppose. It turned out when I eventually contacted my half-sister that all the family had known about her, my father's brother and sisters had sent her birthday and Christmas cards and presents, but no-one had ever told me! My initial reaction was anger that I had been prevented from knowing I had a sister for the first half of my life, but that has now gone away and we just enjoy keeping in touch. Families and family history is a funny business and anyone who can't accept what they find shouldn't be in it at all! Thanks for giving us your experience, Shirley. -- Roy Stockdill Genealogical researcher, writer & lecturer Newbies' Guide to Genealogy & Family History: www.genuki.org.uk/gs/Newbie.html "There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." OSCAR WILDE

When I started researching the family tree in my teens, my grandfather told my brother to tell me that he (my GF) wouldn't help me in any way and that I shouldn't ask! I carried on regardless but without his help ;-) For his 90th birthday, I presented him with a hand written 'tree (I did calligraphy) - him, 2 generations back and 2 generations forward - not in great detail - just names. He realised and appreciated what I had achieved and there and then bequeathed me his family albums and all his diaries, etc. By that time, I had discovered that his father was illegitimate - what he didn't want me to know (thus no dates on the 'tree). But it was a year or so after his death, that I discovered that his mother was illegitimate as well. I will never know if *he* ever knew about that or not. I found it fascinating but my dad was really shocked when I told him of the illegitimacies - 1 generation closer to him was a little too close. I now temper my excitement when I come across a piece of juicy intrigue! Heather On 17/02/2012 10:03, [email protected] wrote: > From: Shirley Elston<[email protected]> > >> Talking of divorce earlier,I was married in 1974 to someone and we >> were both married before and had to obtain divorce papers to get >> married to each other. >> I knew my OH had been married before so didn't think anything of it >> at the time. >> We were together about 40 years altogether,10 of them before we >> married and 30 years married and then we divorced just a few years >> ago. I learned my ex had died a couple of years ago and for some >> unknown reason I was looking on Ancestry at marriages for our >> marriage details,just curiosity I suppose,like you do! I was amazed >> to see that my ex had been married twice before he married me and >> the second marriage had occurred while married still to the first >> wife! >> Well of course I had to persue this as I started to wonder about my >> own marriage,thankfully the second wife had divorced him just a few >> months before he married me. The second marriage he had was in the >> 60's so at the in between stage of computers which is probably why >> he got away with it. He produced the first marriage divorce papers >> to marry me. He is dead now so I can't even ask him about it . >> During the first 10 years we were together it suited me not to >> re-marry after the first disaster and I suppose he didn't persue it >> because of what he had done! I must confess I was a bit shocked to >> discover this. >> >> Shirley< > Having been in genealogy for around 40 years now, the very first thing I always tell beginners > when they ask my advice on how to get started is this: "If you are the sort of person who is > going to be upset by what you might discover, then don't even think about doing it!" > > When I began in the 1970s my late mother was horrified and begged my wife to try and stop > me. Why? Because virtually the very first thing I found out was that not only had my father > been married before, moreover that he had had an illegitimate daughter by another woman > (not his wife) who was my half-sister. As it happens, my sister and I found each other a few > years later (she lives in Australia) and we have met a number of times and got to know each > other. We still keep in touch now and then via e-mail. > > I could never understand why my mother was so desperate not for me to find out, a > generational thing I suppose. It turned out when I eventually contacted my half-sister that all > the family had known about her, my father's brother and sisters had sent her birthday and > Christmas cards and presents, but no-one had ever told me! My initial reaction was anger > that I had been prevented from knowing I had a sister for the first half of my life, but that has > now gone away and we just enjoy keeping in touch. > > Families and family history is a funny business and anyone who can't accept what they find > shouldn't be in it at all! Thanks for giving us your experience, Shirley. > > -- > Roy Stockdill > Genealogical researcher, writer& lecturer > Newbies' Guide to Genealogy& Family History: www.genuki.org.uk/gs/Newbie.html > > "There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, > and that is not being talked about." > OSCAR WILDE > > > > > > > Notts Surname List > > http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~hughw/notts.html > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message