Dear Friends, Info that you might not have heard or seen it. Tonight, President Bush set out a responsible budget for America's priorities. This "Blueprint for a New Beginning" is a balanced budget that will... *FIRST, fund America's priorities; *SECOND, provide the largest debt reduction in history; and *THIRD, provide fair and responsible tax relief for all taxpayers. F U N D S K E Y P R I O R I T I E S *IMPROVES EDUCATION. Strengthens and reforms education -- provides the Education Department the largest percentage spending increase of any department in recent years (11.5% or $4.6 billion) and triples funding for children's reading programs. *STRENGTHENS DEFENSE. Strengthens our military by improving the quality of life of our troops and their families and beginning the transition to a 21st century force. *PROTECTS SOCIAL SECURITY. Preserves and protects Social Security by locking away every penny of the $2.6 trillion Social Security surplus for Social Security. *PRESERVES MEDICARE. Spends every dime of Medicare receipts over the next 10 years for Medicare, and Medicare only. The President's budget provides a $21 billion increase in Medicare spending over the next year. The budget also provides $153 billion over 10 years in new spending to modernize Medicare with an integrated prescription drug benefit. *IMPROVES HEALTHCARE. Doubles funding by 2003 for NIH medical research on important health issues like cancer - the largest funding increase in NIH's history. Creates more than 1,200 new community health centers to make health care more accessible. *PROTECTS THE ENVIRONMENT. Provides the largest increase for conservation funds in history and fully funds the Land and Water Conservation Fund - a $900 million commitment. The President gives EPA the second highest operating budget ever -- $3.7 billion - $56 million higher than the FY 2001 request by President Clinton. P A Y S O F F O U R N A T I O N 'S D E B T: *Pays off the maximum amount of debt possible by providing the fastest, largest debt reduction in history. *Reduces the government debt to its lowest share of the economy since World War I. R E A S O N A B L E, F A I R T A X R E L I E F: *Uses roughly one-fourth of the budget surplus to provide the typical family of four paying income taxes $1,600 in tax relief. The largest percentage reduction go to those at the lower end. *It cuts all tax rates, doubles the child tax credit, reduces the marriage penalty, abolishes the death tax, and expands charitable giving. President Bush believes our country has limitless potential. And it is with your help that we can pass his budget and tax cut. Please contact your Senators and Representatives to support President Bush's tax cut. To reach your Senators, go to: http://www.senate.gov/senators/senator_by_state.cfm to find the contact information for the Senators from your state. To reach your member of the House of Representatives, go to: http://www.house.gov/house/MemberWWW.html to find the contact information of your member. For more information, including a transcript of the President's speech, go to: http://www.bushtaxrelief.com/ You can share this important message with your friends to encourage them to contact their Congressman and Senators. B U D G E T B A S I C S: *The Congressional Budget Office and the Office of Management and Budget project a $5.6 trillion surplus over the next 10 years. *President Bush's budget locks away $2.6 trillion of this surplus for Social Security. *Under the President's budget, the U.S. will pay off all the debt that can be redeemed - $2.0 trillion - over the next 10 years. Only debt that has not matured will be left. It would not be cost effective for government to pay bonuses to investors to buy back these securities. Instead, it makes more sense to let these securities mature naturally, giving us zero debt at 2011. *The President spends roughly 1/4 OF THE SURPLUS ($1.6 trillion) on reasonable tax relief for every taxpayer - ONLY 6% OF ALL TAX DOLLARS THAT WILL BE COLLECTED BETWEEN 2002-11. *The President devotes the remaining $1.4 trillion of the surplus to additional priorities, debt service, and contingencies. This includes his $153 billion proposal to reform Medicare while providing prescription drug coverage. More than $800 billion is left unallocated as a reserve for other priorities and contingencies. *The President's budget provides $26 BILLION MORE IN DISCRETIONARY SPENDING THAN LAST YEAR'S BUDGET - A 4% INCREASE. *The biggest threat to the surplus is spending. Since budget surpluses arrived three years ago, there has been an explosion in spending, growing at an annual average rate of 6%. UNLESS THIS SPENDING IS MODERATED, THIS EXCESSIVE SPENDING WILL REDUCE THE SURPLUS BY $1.4 TRILLION OVER THE NEXT TEN YEARS. *The President provides a reserve for additional needs such as defense spending, debt service, unforeseen disasters, and other contingencies. Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo.

Hi Jean et all, You have my sympathy ! In addition to a reluctance to shut down mine has developed 2 new tricks when booted up. 1) A message appears saying my video card wasn't recognised 2) The icons appear on a white background with a blue link saying "Restore Active Desktop" 3) When I click the link everything works normally On odd occasions I'm prompted to load Windows in safe mode ........... Dave > My computer tells me I shut down wrongly everyday no matter how I shut it > down so I don't listen to it anymore. > > Jean in NS. > > --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.231 / Virus Database: 112 - Release Date: 12-Feb-01

----- Original Message ----- From: "Dave Allen" <dave@cdcatalogues.co.uk> To: "Northern List" <NORTHERN-ENGLAND-L@rootsweb.com> Sent: Wednesday, February 28, 2001 10:38 PM Subject: Menbers Surname Interests : Menbers Surname Interest List (Automailer) : : ACTON - Wilmslow 1902 - Sue : ADDISON - Liverpool - Dorothy : ALMOND - Ince Blundell, Great Crosby, Lunt and Thornton in Sefton. - Jean : AMIS/AMOS - Warrington, LAN & STS, 1700 - 1880 - Brian : ARBLASTER - STS, 1516 - 1789 - Brian : BAGOT - Blithfield, STS, bef 1400 - Brian : BANKS - Liverpool - Barbara : BANNISTER - Yorkshire - Marion : BARKER - Leeds - Joy : BARNES - Liverpool, LAN, 1803 - 1885 - Brian : BATES - Lytham 1890s - Sue : BEARPARK - Stockton, Sculcoates, Skelton - Trish : BENTHAM - Yorkshire - Marion : BICKLEY - Ackworth and Pontefract - Joy : BIRTWHISTLE - Keighley and Oakworth, Yorkshire and the Colne area, Lancashire. - Gail : Bolton - Liverpool 1840-1905 - DorothyE : BOOTH - Ludworth, Derbyshire - Trish : BOTWORTH - Liverpool - Barbara : BRAMHALL - Warrington, LAN & Manchester, LAN, all/any - Brian : BREWSTER - Durham - Becky : BROWN - Liverpool - Barbara : BROWN - Leeds: Charles E. Brown born 1851, living Reginald Terrace 1881, wine merchant - Dick : BRYAN - Yorkshire and Durham - Dave Allen : BUCKLY - Oldham and Saddleworth - Vera : BURDETTE - Leeds - Joy : CAPSTICK - Yorkshire - Marion : CAWTHORN - Epworth, Lincs - Trish : CHADWICK - Ludworth, Derbyshire - Trish : CHRISTON - Yorkshire - Marion : CLAYTON - Manchester - Angela : CLOUGH - Ainderby Steeple - Trish : COOKSEY - Yorkshire - Dick : COOKSEY - West Midlands - Dick : COPLEY - Ireland and India - Marion : COWBURN - Yorkshire - Pauline : DAVIES - West Midlands - Dick : DAVIS - Manchester, LAN; California USA - Jean White : DE FERRERS - Derbyshire and Chester, 1200 - 1400 - Brian : DE KYNNARDSLEYE - Kynnardsleye Castle, Hereford, 1300 - Brian : DEVIS - (DEVISSE,DEVISS)Hetton le Hole late 1800s - Mike : DEVY - West Midlands - Dick : DICK - Liverpool - Angela : DICKINSON - Rivington and Horwich, LAN, all/any - Brian : DICKINSON - Fylde 1831 - Sue : DITCHFIELD - Heaton, LAN, 1780 - 1887 - Brian : DOBBS - Sculcoates - Trish : Duke - Liverpool 1820-1900 - DorothyE : DUNLEVY - Liverpool 1880s - 1900 - Danny : ELLIS - Ackworth and Pontefract - Joy : ELLSON - Cheshire - Barbara : FISCHER - Liverpool - German Born - Marged : FITZGERALD - North Ormesby , Middlesbrough and Cargo Fleet - Sandra : GLEAVE - Bostock, Byley CHS - Jean White : GRAY - Whitby, Sculcoates - Trish : GRIMES - Cheshire, Liverpool - Barbara : HADFIELD - Hazel Grove, Bredbury CHS; Tyldesley, LAN - Jean White : HAGGAS - Keighley and Oakworth, Yorkshire and the Colne area, Lancashire. - Gail : HALL - Pensher (Penshaw) Stables, Durham - Becky : HALL - Oldham and Saddleworth - Vera : HARRISON - West Derby - Dorothy : HARROP - Mellor, Derbyshire - Trish : HELSBY - Liverpool - Dorothy : HENSHALL - Bostock, Byley CHS, Alton, ON, Canada - Jean White : HIBBERT - Mellor, Derbyshire - Trish : HOLDEN - Prescot/Rainhill and Liverpool - Dorothy : HOLMES - Co Durham - Penny : HULTON - Wilmslow 1902 & Liverpool - Sue : HUMPHREY - Norh Riding of Yorkshire - Sandra : INGHAM - Liverpool - Marged : JOHNSON - Liverpool 1880s - 1900 - Danny : JONES - Lytham 1890s - Sue : KELLY - Liverpool - Barbara : KINNARDSLEY - Loxley, STS all - Brian : KINNERSLEY - Badger, SAL/Stone, STS - Brian : KNIGHT - Ainderby Steeple - Trish : LEE - Rivington and Ellers Farm, Rivington Lane, Rivington, LAN, bef 1800 - Brian : LOFTHOUSE - Fylde 1788 - Sue : LOVELADY - Ince Blundell - Jean : MACDOUGALL - Liverpool 1900s - Sue : MACHELL - Lancaster - Marion : MADELEY - Yorkshire - Dick : MADELEY - West Midlands - Dick : MAKEPEACE - Lanchester/Tanfield, Co Durham - Penny : MAYCHELL - Lancaster - Marion : McKeown - Liverpool 1850-1900 - DorothyE : McLaughlan - Co Durham - Dave Allen : MENZIES - Newark and Stockton on Tees and Liverpool - Dorothy : MILLER - Lytham 1860s - Sue : MITCHELL - Keighley and Oakworth, Yorkshire and the Colne area, Lancashire. - Gail : MORTON - Sculcoates, Mirfield - Trish : MOUNIER - Cardiff - Marged : MURPHY - West Midlands - Dick : NOLAN - Ireland - Marion : OMARA (MARA) - Ireland - Marion : PEACOCK - Liverpool - Marged : PICKUP - Durham - Becky : POVALL - Cheshire, Liverpool - Barbara : PRITCHARD - Liverpool - Barbara : RILEY - Keighley and Oakworth, Yorkshire and the Colne area, Lancashire. - Gail : ROACH - Liverpool 1880s - 1900 - Danny : Roach - Liverpool 1800-1910 - DorothyE : ROBERTS - Sculcoates - Trish : RYMER - Lytham 1860s - Sue : SCATCHARD - Ripon - Trish : SEDGWICK - Yorkshire - Marion : SMITH - Goosnargh 1861 - Sue : STEPHENSON - Sculcoates, Nafferton - Trish : SWINDLEHURST - Goosnargh 1790s - Sue : TANIAN - Ireland and India - Marion : TAYLOR - Derbyshire - Sandra : TAYLOR - Oldham and Saddleworth - Vera : THICKETT - Yorkshire - Dick : THORNTON - Stonegrave, Husthwaite - Trish : TROTTER - County Durham - Sandra : WAINE - Prescot - Dorothy : WAINWRIGHT - Ince Blundell and Liverpool - Jean : WALPOLE - West Midlands - Dick : WELSH - Stockton-on-Tees - Angela : WILLIAMS - Blackley 1885 - Sue : WILLIS - Yorkshire - Pauline : WILSON - Yorkshire - Dick : WRIGHT - Liverpool - Angela : WRIGHT - Sculcoates, Whitby - Trish : YATES - Newark - Dorothy : : : The surname list and other information may be viewed at http://212.19.69.91/north/ where contact info is available. : : To contribute to this list - please send a message to the list at NORTHERN-ENGLAND-L@rootsweb.com stating which section you wish your entry to appear in. Please use CONTRIBUTE in the subject line. : :

My computer tells me I shut down wrongly everyday no matter how I shut it down so I don't listen to it anymore. Jean in NS. ----- Original Message ----- From: <MagsB1942@aol.com> To: <NORTHERN-ENGLAND-L@rootsweb.com> Sent: Thursday, March 01, 2001 12:40 PM Subject: Re: [NTH-ENG] Computer Help! > In a message dated 01/03/01 02:51:47 GMT Standard Time, > jphwhite@ns.sympatico.ca writes: > > << > > >On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the > >screen, but the computer still couldn't find it. > > >> > > Bit like when you have to crash your puter to shut it down and then it tells > you it is going to have to do a scan disk and in future to shut the computer > down properly !!!!!!!!!!!!! > > Thanks for the giggle, these are great. > Maggie > > > ==== NORTHERN-ENGLAND Mailing List ==== > Don't forget you can also post your surnames or any other messages you may want to share in our on line forum message board, > http://amazingforums.com/forum/NORTH/forum.html > > --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.230 / Virus Database: 111 - Release Date: 1/25/01

In a message dated 01/03/01 17:21:40 GMT Standard Time, dave@cdcatalogues.co.uk writes: << On odd occasions I'm prompted to load Windows in safe mode ........... >> Well on one particular occasion when I was having problems like that, it automatically loaded in safe mode....said the colour on my monitor were not correct and gave me a message to set them....when I did and hit 'apply' it told me that that button wasn't available in safe mode !!!! Yes....I did ask it why it put it there if I couldn't use it ....lol. I then switched off...counted to ten...made a coffee and then switched back on and all was OK....thank goodness. Maggie

Ah, but do you tell your computer what a stupid thing it is.....like some of us do when it asks stupid things or gives you silly messages. The other day I got caught by my son giving my computer a piece of my mind.... did I feel stupid ....lol Maggie

In a message dated 01/03/01 02:51:47 GMT Standard Time, jphwhite@ns.sympatico.ca writes: << > >On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the >screen, but the computer still couldn't find it. > >> Bit like when you have to crash your puter to shut it down and then it tells you it is going to have to do a scan disk and in future to shut the computer down properly !!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the giggle, these are great. Maggie

>From another list....Maggie A few months ago I came across a poem that is so very appropriate for genealogy that I now add it to my own data. It was written about 150 years ago by Adelaide Ann Proctor (1825-1864). It may be "Old Hat" to some but it was suggested that I send it in. "Oh there are voices of the Past Link of a broken chain, Wings that can bear me back to Times Which cannot come again, Yet God forbid that I should lose The echoes that remain."

A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan,wanted to spend almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs, "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight." Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo.

HINT #001: Cut off the crusts. HINT #002: Make real cocoa. HINT #003: Hang their drawings on the fridge. HINT #004: Say the clay ashtray is what you always wanted. HINT #005: Sing silly songs. HINT #006: Make goofy faces. HINT #007: Let them take off the training wheels. HINT #008: Remind the Tooth Fairy about inflation. HINT #009: Buy a good stain remover. HINT #010: Let them keep the kitten. HINT #011: Remember when YOU misbehaved. HINT #012: If you don't know, say so. HINT #013: Let grandma spoil them. HINT #014: Let them stay up just a little bit longer. HINT #015: Lock up the good china. HINT #016: Tickle. HINT #017: Be a good sport. HINT #018: Be a good friend. HINT #019: Smile when your mother-in-law gives you advice. HINT #020: ALL mothers are working mothers.

Many thanks David, Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo. ----- Original Message ----- From: David Spark <davspark@lineone.net> To: <NORTHERN-ENGLAND-L@rootsweb.com> Sent: Wednesday, February 28, 2001 3:49 PM Subject: [NTH-ENG] Non-genealogy plea > I have received this message from the Dyfed List and feel that it should be > brought to the attention of other Listers at this difficult time for the > agricultural community nation wide. > David Spark (Leeds, West Yorks) > > > ----- Original Message ----- > > > As a smallholder with Foot and Mouth within 9 miles please can I ask > everyone > > to be vigilant.Do not go near farmland and that includes common land and > > Moorland.We have animals on Dartmoor here and it is creeping closer.The > > public are being very supportive but it only needs one.Any animal that > > contracts it will be difficult to find before it spreads it wildly. > > The Ministry vet says that hamsters and guinea pigs also get it as well as > > llamas and elephants etc.Horses carry it like us. > > Please make sure that you protect the moors and commons and farmers in > Wales > > as we are trying to do here.The fires are going to burning not far away > > shortly as they incinerate more animals.What is usually our wonderful view > to > > N Devon and Exmoor is not going to be so great for a while.Memories of 67! > > Gareth its confirmed at Hatherleigh this morning as well as Highampton. > > > > > ==== NORTHERN-ENGLAND Mailing List ==== > This list also allows Trivia postings about the region as well as serious genealogy research postings. >

Dear Sophiee, Very neat one indeed, many thanks. Try typing four thousand one hundred after doing it! LOL Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo. ----- Original Message ----- From: <NORTHERN-ENGLAND-D-request@rootsweb.com> To: <NORTHERN-ENGLAND-D@rootsweb.com> Sent: Wednesday, February 28, 2001 4:01 AM Subject: NORTHERN-ENGLAND-D Digest V01 #124

Many thanks for all your bits and bobs Jean. Life is a crap sandwich. The more dough you have the less crap you have to eat. Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo.

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him." The woman replied, " That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she became the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, " That's okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM she became the richest woman in the world! The frog asked her what she would like for her third wish. She said, "I'd like a mild heart attack." Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo.

Dear Cece et al, Lovely one, thanks. Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo.

Dear Dave et al, Many thanks for your postings and jokes!:-)) Regards, Mikey. Spectemur Agendo.

: Subject: True Facts > > They're not kidding ! > > 1) Debra Winger was the voice of E.T. > 2) Pearls melt in vinegar. > 3) It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather > for a year's supply of footballs. > 4) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for > dating are already married. > 5) The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: > Marlboro,,Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order. > 6) It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs. > 7) Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the > palm of their hands. > 8) Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from > the sale of vodka. > 9) The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." > uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union > to Test > telex/communications) > 10) The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without > repeating a letter is UNCOPYRIGHTABLE. > 11) STEWARDESSES' is the longest word that is typed with only > the left hand. > 12) No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, > silver and purple. > 13) "I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English > language. > 14) Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 > pitches. > 15) A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why. > 16) The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the > days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses > were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up > straight staircases. > 17) The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." > (Thus the > name > of the Don McLean song.) David Spark (West Riding of Yorkshire)

>Subject: Now you don't need to feel so stupid when your computer acts >up.********* > >A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The >tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman responded, >"No, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point. The man sitting >in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine." > >************************************************* > >Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same >time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the >letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." >Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." >Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." >Customer: "What do you mean?" >Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." >Customer: "I'm not going to do that!" > >************************************************* > >Overheard in a computer shop: >Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." >Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." >Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" > >************************************************* > >I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to >the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it. > >************************************************* > >Customer in computer shop: "Can you copy the Internet onto this disk for >me?" > >************************************************* > >I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start >something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?" > >************************************************* > >Customer:"So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" >Tech Support: "Yeah." >Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" >Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah." > >************************************************* > >Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon." >Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a >Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." >Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it >was meant to-" >Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in >icons." >Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a >filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?" >Customer: [click] > >************************************************* > >Customer: "My computer crashed!" >Tech Support: "It crashed?" >Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." >Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." >Customer: "No, it didn't crash - it crashed." >Tech Support: "Huh?" >Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. I crashed my >spaceship and now it doesn't work." >Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" >Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?" > >************************************************* > >Got a call from a woman said that her laser printer was having problems:the >bottom half of her printed sheets were coming out blurry. It seemed strange >that the printer was smearing only the bottom half. > >I walked her through the basics, then went over and printed out a test >sheet. It printed fine. I asked her to print a sheet, so she sent a job to >the printer. >As the paper started coming out, she yanked it out and showed it to me.I >told her to wait until the paper came out on its own. Problem solved. > >************************************************* > >I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for >about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't >solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, >which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and >yellow. For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green >printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. > >I had the customer change ink cartridges. I had the customer delete and >reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my co-workers for help; they >offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about >to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked >quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this >yellow paper?" > >************************************************* > >A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech >support number, complaining about the error message: "Can't find the >printer." > >On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the >screen, but the computer still couldn't find it. > >************************************************* > >And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the >opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that >the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we >asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her. > >************************************************* > >An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows >installation that had gone terribly wrong. >Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home >computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so >I let the little act of piracy slide. > >Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it >turns out they weren't initialized." >Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" >Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down: 'This is not a Macintosh disk.Would >you like to initialize it?'" >Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" >Customer: "After they were initialised, all the disks appeared to be blank. >And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A:drive; >the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for >the whole office. Did I do something wrong?" > >************************************************* > >This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every >time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in >capital letters. >Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." >Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard." > >************************************************* > >Email from a friend: >"CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?" > >************************************************* > >My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a >young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms >crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he >noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was >impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied >"It's about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!" > >******************************************************** > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.230 / Virus Database: 111 - Release Date: 1/25/01

Hi Everyone, This may not be new but it still made me laugh!! David Spark (Leeds, West Riding of Yorkshire) > A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a > handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the > front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her > to do. > "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" > The blonde said "How about 50 pounds?" > The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she > might need were in the garage. > The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her > husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the > house?" > The man replied, "She should; she was standing on it." > A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. > "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had > paint left over, so I gave it two coats." > Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. > "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Hi Elizabeth & welcome, I had a look through the phone book but there is only a number for the parish rooms not the vicarage. The records will probably be at Carlisle Record Office http://www.cumbria.gov.uk/archives/carec.htm. It might be worth subscribing to the Cumberland List to see if anyone can help further. Cumberland-L-request@rootsweb.com It's possible that the Carlisle Diocese has a web site with more info about the church, try using www.google.com to search.. No other suggestions spring to mind at the moment, it's been a "difficult child " day! Sue Kendal --- Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free. Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com). Version: 6.0.231 / Virus Database: 112 - Release Date: 12/02/2001