> > > Welcome to Planet Newfoundland; 4th Rock from the Sun. > > > > I AM A NEWFOUNDLANDER > > > > First off, WE INVENTED RANTING long before there was MOLSON CANADIAN, > > or even the MONTREAL CANADIENS. > > > > I am not unemployed, but I know people who are. Some of them may be > > related through marriage, but they WEREN'T RELATED BEFORE THEN. > > > > I HATE THE SMELL, TASTE, TEXTURE AND SIGHT OF FISH. I don't fish, my > > father didn't fish, my grandfather probably did, and I KNOW HIS father > > DEFINITELY DID....BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FARM A ROCK. If > > I do happen to eat fish, it's going to be bloody well COOKED. None of > > this raw stuff they serve in restaurants. We call that BAIT !!! > > > > Our best export is our PEOPLE. Newfoundlanders are the only people who > > use the name "JESUS" as an Adjective. As in, "LOOK BYE, HAND ME THAT > > "JESUS HAMMER WILL YA'?" > > > > Our weather embraces DIVERSITY. It is the only place where you can both > > swim, and ice-fish all within the same day, in the same body of water. > > > > I have running water. I don't go to the bathroom outdoors except when the > > Mainlanders come from away and want to go out in the woods as if > > its pleasurable. Drinking fine wine and finer RUM is pleasurable. Sex is > > pleasurable. Getting eaten alive by "Vampire" mosquitoes that have NTSB > > numbers on their sides is not. > > > > Newfoundland is a PROVINCE. It is not a Town, Village, City, Parish or > > Hamlet. I don't know everybody who was born, reared, schooled, > > stayed,left, or died there. Some I'm sure were nice and I'm sorry for > > not having met them. Some I'm sure were SOB's AND FOR NOT > > HAVING CROSSED PATHS, WE'RE ALL BETTER OFF > > > > Its "St. John's", not Saint John. That's in New Brunswick and they rant > > differently there. Its their accent. > > > > Its pronounced "New-fin- LAND", NOT "New- FOUND -land". Do you > > pronounce it "ONTA-rio, or KWEE-BECK? > > > > I don't drink much coffee. I drink TEA for Breakfast, TEA for Dinner > > and TEA for Supper. Oh, by the way, Lunch we don't "Do." We EAT DINNER > > in the middle of the day and supper...well, at SUPPERTIME. > > > > We don't have skunks or snakes....at least not in the woods. Plenty of > > them in government though, and most come from away. > > > > An Expert is always some outsider that came through the Narrows. That's > > the gap in the north and south side of St. John's Harbour that leads to > > and from the North Atlantic...the most inhospitable place on the "Jesus" > > planet outside of Ottawa. > > > > We drink Blue Star Ale, Dominion Ale, India Pale Ale, Black Horse Beer, > > and RUM. Any kind, as long as its DARK. See, we traded OUR salted FISH > > to Jamaica for THEIR RUM...who says Newfoundlanders aren't very smart? > > > > We were Britain's Oldest Colony and are Canada's Newest Province. Our > > GDP hasn't changed a bit. > > > > We don't have "Cottages on the Lake". We have "CABINS on the POND". A > > pond is a body of water...a lake is a "hole in yer boot." > > > > We have a wonderful sense of humour...until we feel we're being made > > fun of. Then we have a wonderful sense of revenge. > > > > A Newfoundlander as a friend, is a friend for life. Have one as an > > enemy...and you'll start cursing your own mother for having given you > > birth.. > > > > We have more sex than anyone....at least thats what we tell Mainlanders > > who survey such stuff. We have to...everyone gets told there's only two > > things to do in Newfoundland, FISH or MAKE LOVE, and as I said, I don't Fish. > > > > Soap comes in "CAKES", not Bars. Chocolate comes in BARS & so does the > > occasional Blonde. > > > > Speaking of Bars, we call them PUBS and we've got lots. More than > > anywhere else in Canada. All of them serve RUM. They have to. Its law. > > Besides, they have to Screech in the Mainlanders, who in order to gain > > honorary citizenship in Newfoundland, down a jigger (thats a shot glass) > > of Famous Newfoundland Screech (thats a dark RUM), then kiss a codfish > > on the lips (thats in the front of its face). Many line up to do > > this...all Mainlanders of course. Thats 'cause no self respecting > > Newfoundlander would dare kiss a codfish....in some outports, he'd have > > to marry it! > > > > Townies are from St. John's. Everyone else is a Bayman. > > ...that's yer NEIGHBOUR! Oh yeah, > > did I tell you I don't > > fish? ....but I know what FISH is...its COD. Anytime a Newfoundlander > > refers to "fish" he means "Cod". If he's referring to salmon, or > > herring, or halibut...HE CALLS THE BLOODY THING "SALMON, OR HERRING, > > OR HALIBUT". > > > > We like music...as long as you can dance to it. Except the Pentecostals > > on the Central Coast. They don't dance or drink....but they have lots of > > youngsters...you see they don't fish either. That wraps it up. > > > > So, now you know. Newfoundland has gotten a bad rap over the centuries. > > > > But there are only two types of people in the world....people who > > aren't from Newfoundland, and those FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE. > > > > AS FOR THE REST OF CANADA, HOPE IT HAS BEEN AS MUCH FUN HAVING US AS IT > > WAS BEING HAD!

Hello Matt, It is so nice to go out of town and return home to the Rantings of a Newfoundlander....what did I miss that sparked the Rant....think I will print it out your Rant and frame it. I hated fish throughout my childhood though only because my mother hated the smell and never cooked it. Since coming to Florida I learned to enjoy quite a bit of it and was fortunate enough this weekend to have some of my first taste of cod= "cod and black olive pate" at some upscale restaurant and must say "I loved it!" I was also "screeched in" thru transferrence when my bro. brought me back a bottle a few years ago...don't know if it counts as "honorary Nfldr." (not because I wouldn't kiss a cod~ and I wouldn't~ but because the ceremony did not take place on the Rock). I am a second generation Nfldr. born in America and was raised knowing hard work and advancing your education were expected of you...Newfoundlanders all know this...it is only opportunity which has lacked. This was key casuse to emmigration and since discovering my roots I cannot help but think the Rock has for centuries been a main source for the inhabitation and development of many "coastal areas" of the US not only in the East but throughout the Great Lakes region and any spot where land meets the sea. Coming back down the turnpike this weekend we crossed over the new "Thomas B. Manuel" bridge in Port St. Lucie and I thought to myself now HMMM... weren't the Manuel's from Exploits or Twillingate? So it has gotten so I can't drive down a hwy. without wondering about Nfld connections and forget about having a cocktail...I was recently introduced (delightfully so!) to Gosling's Black Seal Rum, legendary spirit of Bermuda, and well go figure... were there Gosling's in Newfoundland? (yes) and whose idea was it to work in the Black Seal Wax into bottle production? hmmm....and I won't get into the sex rant....as I always figured that for an Irish thing <big grin> Joanne Matt said "Our best export is our PEOPLE" if there was a Top Ten List for Nfld List Statements this would surely be #1,,,,, ----- Original Message ----- From: "Matt Mullaly" <2matt@rogers.com> To: <NFLD-LAB-L@rootsweb.com> Sent: Sunday, August 10, 2003 6:21 PM Subject: [NFLD-LAB] NFLD RANT > > > > > Welcome to Planet Newfoundland; 4th Rock from the Sun. > > > > > > I AM A NEWFOUNDLANDER > > > > > > First off, WE INVENTED RANTING long before there was MOLSON CANADIAN, > > > or even the MONTREAL CANADIENS. > > > > > > I am not unemployed, but I know people who are. Some of them may be > > > related through marriage, but they WEREN'T RELATED BEFORE THEN. > > > > > > I HATE THE SMELL, TASTE, TEXTURE AND SIGHT OF FISH. I don't fish, my > > > father didn't fish, my grandfather probably did, and I KNOW HIS father > > > DEFINITELY DID....BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FARM A ROCK. If > > > I do happen to eat fish, it's going to be bloody well COOKED. None of > > > this raw stuff they serve in restaurants. We call that BAIT !!! > > > > > > Our best export is our PEOPLE. Newfoundlanders are the only people who > > > use the name "JESUS" as an Adjective. As in, "LOOK BYE, HAND ME THAT > > > "JESUS HAMMER WILL YA'?" > > > > > > Our weather embraces DIVERSITY. It is the only place where you can both > > > swim, and ice-fish all within the same day, in the same body of water. > > > > > > I have running water. I don't go to the bathroom outdoors except when > the > > > Mainlanders come from away and want to go out in the woods as if > > > its pleasurable. Drinking fine wine and finer RUM is pleasurable. Sex is > > > pleasurable. Getting eaten alive by "Vampire" mosquitoes that have NTSB > > > numbers on their sides is not. > > > > > > Newfoundland is a PROVINCE. It is not a Town, Village, City, Parish or > > > Hamlet. I don't know everybody who was born, reared, schooled, > > > stayed,left, or died there. Some I'm sure were nice and I'm sorry for > > > not having met them. Some I'm sure were SOB's AND FOR NOT > > > HAVING CROSSED PATHS, WE'RE ALL BETTER OFF > > > > > > Its "St. John's", not Saint John. That's in New Brunswick and they rant > > > differently there. Its their accent. > > > > > > Its pronounced "New-fin- LAND", NOT "New- FOUND -land". Do you > > > pronounce it "ONTA-rio, or KWEE-BECK? > > > > > > I don't drink much coffee. I drink TEA for Breakfast, TEA for Dinner > > > and TEA for Supper. Oh, by the way, Lunch we don't "Do." We EAT DINNER > > > in the middle of the day and supper...well, at SUPPERTIME. > > > > > > We don't have skunks or snakes....at least not in the woods. Plenty of > > > them in government though, and most come from away. > > > > > > An Expert is always some outsider that came through the Narrows. That's > > > the gap in the north and south side of St. John's Harbour that leads to > > > and from the North Atlantic...the most inhospitable place on the "Jesus" > > > planet outside of Ottawa. > > > > > > We drink Blue Star Ale, Dominion Ale, India Pale Ale, Black Horse Beer, > > > and RUM. Any kind, as long as its DARK. See, we traded OUR salted FISH > > > to Jamaica for THEIR RUM...who says Newfoundlanders aren't very smart? > > > > > > We were Britain's Oldest Colony and are Canada's Newest Province. Our > > > GDP hasn't changed a bit. > > > > > > We don't have "Cottages on the Lake". We have "CABINS on the POND". A > > > pond is a body of water...a lake is a "hole in yer boot." > > > > > > We have a wonderful sense of humour...until we feel we're being made > > > fun of. Then we have a wonderful sense of revenge. > > > > > > A Newfoundlander as a friend, is a friend for life. Have one as an > > > enemy...and you'll start cursing your own mother for having given you > > > birth.. > > > > > > We have more sex than anyone....at least thats what we tell Mainlanders > > > who survey such stuff. We have to...everyone gets told there's only two > > > things to do in Newfoundland, FISH or MAKE LOVE, and as I said, I don't > Fish. > > > > > > Soap comes in "CAKES", not Bars. Chocolate comes in BARS & so does the > > > occasional Blonde. > > > > > > Speaking of Bars, we call them PUBS and we've got lots. More than > > > anywhere else in Canada. All of them serve RUM. They have to. Its law. > > > Besides, they have to Screech in the Mainlanders, who in order to gain > > > honorary citizenship in Newfoundland, down a jigger (thats a shot glass) > > > of Famous Newfoundland Screech (thats a dark RUM), then kiss a codfish > > > on the lips (thats in the front of its face). Many line up to do > > > this...all Mainlanders of course. Thats 'cause no self respecting > > > Newfoundlander would dare kiss a codfish....in some outports, he'd have > > > to marry it! > > > > > > Townies are from St. John's. Everyone else is a Bayman. > > ...that's > yer NEIGHBOUR! Oh yeah, > > did I tell you I don't > > > fish? ....but I know what FISH is...its COD. Anytime a Newfoundlander > > > refers to "fish" he means "Cod". If he's referring to salmon, or > > > herring, or halibut...HE CALLS THE BLOODY THING "SALMON, OR HERRING, > > > OR HALIBUT". > > > > > > We like music...as long as you can dance to it. Except the Pentecostals > > > on the Central Coast. They don't dance or drink....but they have lots of > > > youngsters...you see they don't fish either. That wraps it up. > > > > > > So, now you know. Newfoundland has gotten a bad rap over the centuries. > > > > > > But there are only two types of people in the world....people who > > > aren't from Newfoundland, and those FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE. > > > > > > AS FOR THE REST OF CANADA, HOPE IT HAS BEEN AS MUCH FUN HAVING US AS IT > > > WAS BEING HAD! > > ______________________________