Hey Matt, my friend, you sure did your home-work and did it quite well I might add <big grin> hope our home grown people do not jump on your back <smiles> it all makes sense to me, although I'm a Pentecostal from Northern Newfoundland and yes we certainly do have a large family <smiles> all Loggers me boy, all Loggers!! and sure can take a good joke as well as give them. That was sure a good introduction for all Newfoundlanders!! to the rest of the World. You wrote it all, now for the desert <grin> Cheers Evelyn ----- Original Message ----- From: "Matt Mullaly" <2matt@rogers.com> To: <NFLD-LAB-L@rootsweb.com> Sent: Sunday, August 10, 2003 7:51 PM Subject: [NFLD-LAB] NFLD RANT > > > > > > > Welcome to Planet Newfoundland; 4th Rock from the Sun. > > > > > > I AM A NEWFOUNDLANDER > > > > > > First off, WE INVENTED RANTING long before there was MOLSON CANADIAN, > > > or even the MONTREAL CANADIENS. > > > > > > I am not unemployed, but I know people who are. Some of them may be > > > related through marriage, but they WEREN'T RELATED BEFORE THEN. > > > > > > I HATE THE SMELL, TASTE, TEXTURE AND SIGHT OF FISH. I don't fish, my > > > father didn't fish, my grandfather probably did, and I KNOW HIS father > > > DEFINITELY DID....BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FARM A ROCK. If > > > I do happen to eat fish, it's going to be bloody well COOKED. None of > > > this raw stuff they serve in restaurants. We call that BAIT !!! > > > > > > Our best export is our PEOPLE. Newfoundlanders are the only people who > > > use the name "JESUS" as an Adjective. As in, "LOOK BYE, HAND ME THAT > > > "JESUS HAMMER WILL YA'?" > > > > > > Our weather embraces DIVERSITY. It is the only place where you can both > > > swim, and ice-fish all within the same day, in the same body of water. > > > > > > I have running water. I don't go to the bathroom outdoors except when > the > > > Mainlanders come from away and want to go out in the woods as if > > > its pleasurable. Drinking fine wine and finer RUM is pleasurable. Sex is > > > pleasurable. Getting eaten alive by "Vampire" mosquitoes that have NTSB > > > numbers on their sides is not. > > > > > > Newfoundland is a PROVINCE. It is not a Town, Village, City, Parish or > > > Hamlet. I don't know everybody who was born, reared, schooled, > > > stayed,left, or died there. Some I'm sure were nice and I'm sorry for > > > not having met them. Some I'm sure were SOB's AND FOR NOT > > > HAVING CROSSED PATHS, WE'RE ALL BETTER OFF > > > > > > Its "St. John's", not Saint John. That's in New Brunswick and they rant > > > differently there. Its their accent. > > > > > > Its pronounced "New-fin- LAND", NOT "New- FOUND -land". Do you > > > pronounce it "ONTA-rio, or KWEE-BECK? > > > > > > I don't drink much coffee. I drink TEA for Breakfast, TEA for Dinner > > > and TEA for Supper. Oh, by the way, Lunch we don't "Do." We EAT DINNER > > > in the middle of the day and supper...well, at SUPPERTIME. > > > > > > We don't have skunks or snakes....at least not in the woods. Plenty of > > > them in government though, and most come from away. > > > > > > An Expert is always some outsider that came through the Narrows. That's > > > the gap in the north and south side of St. John's Harbour that leads to > > > and from the North Atlantic...the most inhospitable place on the "Jesus" > > > planet outside of Ottawa. > > > > > > We drink Blue Star Ale, Dominion Ale, India Pale Ale, Black Horse Beer, > > > and RUM. Any kind, as long as its DARK. See, we traded OUR salted FISH > > > to Jamaica for THEIR RUM...who says Newfoundlanders aren't very smart? > > > > > > We were Britain's Oldest Colony and are Canada's Newest Province. Our > > > GDP hasn't changed a bit. > > > > > > We don't have "Cottages on the Lake". We have "CABINS on the POND". A > > > pond is a body of water...a lake is a "hole in yer boot." > > > > > > We have a wonderful sense of humour...until we feel we're being made > > > fun of. Then we have a wonderful sense of revenge. > > > > > > A Newfoundlander as a friend, is a friend for life. Have one as an > > > enemy...and you'll start cursing your own mother for having given you > > > birth.. > > > > > > We have more sex than anyone....at least thats what we tell Mainlanders > > > who survey such stuff. We have to...everyone gets told there's only two > > > things to do in Newfoundland, FISH or MAKE LOVE, and as I said, I don't > Fish. > > > > > > Soap comes in "CAKES", not Bars. Chocolate comes in BARS & so does the > > > occasional Blonde. > > > > > > Speaking of Bars, we call them PUBS and we've got lots. More than > > > anywhere else in Canada. All of them serve RUM. They have to. Its law. > > > Besides, they have to Screech in the Mainlanders, who in order to gain > > > honorary citizenship in Newfoundland, down a jigger (thats a shot glass) > > > of Famous Newfoundland Screech (thats a dark RUM), then kiss a codfish > > > on the lips (thats in the front of its face). Many line up to do > > > this...all Mainlanders of course. Thats 'cause no self respecting > > > Newfoundlander would dare kiss a codfish....in some outports, he'd have > > > to marry it! > > > > > > Townies are from St. John's. Everyone else is a Bayman. > > ...that's > yer NEIGHBOUR! Oh yeah, > > did I tell you I don't > > > fish? ....but I know what FISH is...its COD. Anytime a Newfoundlander > > > refers to "fish" he means "Cod". If he's referring to salmon, or > > > herring, or halibut...HE CALLS THE BLOODY THING "SALMON, OR HERRING, > > > OR HALIBUT". > > > > > > We like music...as long as you can dance to it. Except the Pentecostals > > > on the Central Coast. They don't dance or drink....but they have lots of > > > youngsters...you see they don't fish either. That wraps it up. > > > > > > So, now you know. Newfoundland has gotten a bad rap over the centuries. > > > > > > But there are only two types of people in the world....people who > > > aren't from Newfoundland, and those FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO BE. > > > > > > AS FOR THE REST OF CANADA, HOPE IT HAS BEEN AS MUCH FUN HAVING US AS IT > > > WAS BEING HAD! > > > ==== NFLD-LAB Mailing List ==== > For information on viruses please check the following: > http://helpdesk.rootsweb.com/virus.html > > >