Thought everyone might need a little humor. THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY DIED YESTERDAY OF A YEAST INFECTION AND COMPLICATIONS FROM REPEATED POKES IN THE BELLY. HE WAS ONLY 71. DOUGHBOY WAS BURIED IN A LIGHTLY GREASED COFFIN. DOZENS OF CELEBRITIES TURNED OUT TO PAY THEIR RESPECTS, INCLUDING BETTY CROCKER, HUNGRY JACK, THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS, THE HOSTESS TWINKIES, AND CAPTAIN CRUNCH. THE GRAVESITE WAS PILED HIGH WITH FLOURS, AS LONG-TIME FRIEND AUNT JEMIMA DELIVERED THE EULOGY, DESCRIBING DOUGHBOY AS A MAN WHO NEVER KNEW HOW MUCH HE WAS KNEADED. DOUGHBOY ROSE QUICKLY IN SHOW BUSINESS, BUT HIS LATER LIFE WAS FILLED WITH TURNOVERS. HE WAS NOT CONSIDERED A VERY SMART COOKIE, WASTING MUCH OF HIS DOUGH ON HALF-BAKED SCHEMES. DESPITE BEING A LITTLE FLAKY AT TIMES, HE WAS STILL, AS A CRUSTY OLD MAN, CONSIDERED A ROLL MODEL FOR MILLIONS. TOWARD THE END IT WAS THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD RISE AGAIN, BUT ALAS, IT WAS NOT TO BE. DOUGHBOY IS SURVIVED BY HIS WIFE, PLAY DOUGH, AND TWO CHILDREN, JOHN DOUGH AND JANE DOUGH. HE IS ALSO SURVIVED BY HIS ELDERLY FATHER, POP TART. THE FUNERAL WAS HELD AT 3:50 FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES. We all had to wear sun screen so we wouldn't burn.