Ok, I've had that correspondence again, where someone is wanting 'all I have on" and has not shared anything in return. The family we are talking about, is one that I have a TON of info plus pictures, pictures, and more pictures of tombstones... I've already sent alot on the line with info in several emails, and several pictures, but she's wanting more.... She actually said "send me all you have".... I'm tired of giving her "everything" I have taken years of research to acquire, and so far, I've not gotten anything in return.. When and HOW do I say ENOUGH! .... I gladly EXCHANGE info, but I'm not getting anything in return.... Feeling very selfish, and yet, I've already sent her so much! So, how do I say it? Lanita

Lanita, simply say "when you have something to share I will gladly share with you". You are under no obligation to provide your research to someone who doesn't have anything to share. As for answering the request "send me all you have", just "say sorry what I have is my own research which I intend to publish; therefore it is copyrighted material". Hope this helps. I gladly share with others researching my family lines and will help someone out otherwise, but unless they are paying you for your research you owe them "NOTHING"!!! Mark Moore --- On Thu, 9/18/08, Lanita Sconce Smith <ozarkn@grm.net> wrote: > From: Lanita Sconce Smith <ozarkn@grm.net> > Subject: [MODAVIES] genealogical question > To: modavies@rootsweb.com > Date: Thursday, September 18, 2008, 3:12 PM > Ok, I've had that correspondence again, where someone is > wanting 'all I > have on" and has not shared anything in return. The > family we are > talking about, is one that I have a TON of info plus > pictures, > pictures, and more pictures of tombstones... > > I've already sent alot on the line with info in several > emails, and > several pictures, but she's wanting more.... She > actually said "send me > all you have".... > > I'm tired of giving her "everything" I have > taken years of research to > acquire, and so far, I've not gotten anything in > return.. > > When and HOW do I say ENOUGH! .... I gladly EXCHANGE info, > but I'm not > getting anything in return.... Feeling very selfish, and > yet, I've > already sent her so much! > > So, how do I say it? > Lanita > > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > MODAVIES-request@rootsweb.com with the word > 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and > the body of the message

Lanita, I know exactly how you feel.? I have shared with all of my first cousins and then some.? I don't think any one of them offered to reimburse me for mailing expense which can be quite a lot.? I have been doing this for 30 years and they say send me everything you have.? Well for $1,000.00 I will you some of what I have.? Isn't it a shame how shabily people will treat you.? Good luck. Barbara? -----Original Message----- From: Lanita Sconce Smith <ozarkn@grm.net> To: modavies@rootsweb.com Sent: Thu, 18 Sep 2008 6:12 pm Subject: [MODAVIES] genealogical question Ok, I've had that correspondence again, where someone is wanting 'all I have on" and has not shared anything in return. The family we are talking about, is one that I have a TON of info plus pictures, pictures, and more pictures of tombstones... I've already sent alot on the line with info in several emails, and several pictures, but she's wanting more.... She actually said "send me all you have".... I'm tired of giving her "everything" I have taken years of research to acquire, and so far, I've not gotten anything in return.. When and HOW do I say ENOUGH! .... I gladly EXCHANGE info, but I'm not getting anything in return.... Feeling very selfish, and yet, I've already sent her so much! So, how do I say it? Lanita ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to MODAVIES-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message

I agree with the others who responded to your question, you have no obligation to give away all of your research to anyone; however, for me personally, I really don't care if those requesting my information have anything to share or not, I still give them whatever they are asking for. In most cases, if you have been doing this for as many years as I have, those making the requests will not have anything at all, or very little to share with you that you don't already have in your possession. Based upon what I have seen on this list, and, I believe, on another list in which you and I both subscribe, you are one of the best researchers around. You have an enormous amount of knowledge, experience, and may have more access to research materials than some of us. The other aspect of this, for me, is that I am the only one in my family of seven children, and only two of 23 first cousins in my family who have been interested in genealogy. My one interested older cousin died last year but gave me all of her research because no one in her family, and no one except me in our immediate families would have kept all of her work. They would have tossed it all in the garbage can. I only have about 12,000 people in my family tree, but have spent hundreds and hundreds of hours looking at census records, and, over the past several years, hundreds and hundreds more hours online looking at as many different records as I can find. If I can help someone with information that I found, or can help someone correct their family tree, I do, and I don't expect anything in return. That way I don't get disappointed when a fourth or fifth cousin contacts me about our family. If I get information in return I certainly welcome it, but just never count on it happening. There have been a couple of pleasant surprises when I was contacted, shared what I have but received nothing in return. In those cases, a year or two down the road, a cousin completed some aspect of research that I would never have had the time or money to complete and they sent it to me. Their help, albeit a couple of years later, opened some doors to several brick walls I had never been able to get past. So once in awhile it pays off. As a practical matter, though, and since my computer skills are somewhat lacking, I always tell someone who requested "all" of my information, that they are free to look at the world connect project, which has all of my information already published on that site. If they want to download it, they are free to do so, and do what they want with it. Every so often I update that site with additional information, and corrections. That way I don't have to spend too much time or money, making copies, paying for postage, or trying to send a gedcom which I forget how to do from time to time. I am sure you will do what is best for you. You have helped me in the past, and I may or may not have sent you something in return, but I certainly apprreciated whatever you have done, and, as I tell anyone I have ever received help from, if I can do anything for you, please let me know. If I can help, I will. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Lanita Sconce Smith" <ozarkn@grm.net> To: <modavies@rootsweb.com> Sent: Thursday, September 18, 2008 3:12 PM Subject: [MODAVIES] genealogical question > Ok, I've had that correspondence again, where someone is wanting 'all I > have on" and has not shared anything in return. The family we are > talking about, is one that I have a TON of info plus pictures, > pictures, and more pictures of tombstones... > > I've already sent alot on the line with info in several emails, and > several pictures, but she's wanting more.... She actually said "send me > all you have".... > > I'm tired of giving her "everything" I have taken years of research to > acquire, and so far, I've not gotten anything in return.. > > When and HOW do I say ENOUGH! .... I gladly EXCHANGE info, but I'm not > getting anything in return.... Feeling very selfish, and yet, I've > already sent her so much! > > So, how do I say it? > Lanita > > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > MODAVIES-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the > quotes in the subject and the body of the message >

Just a suggestion . . . forward the msg. you sent to the list to the person who is wanting "all I have on." Like you, I've dealt with the same problem for over twenty years. People who have never actually done genealogy research do not understand its tedious nature. They do not realize the number of hours it takes, they do not know how many names you have to read to find one, they don't what it's like to follow a lead to a "dead-end," they've never walked a huge cemetery in the hot sun, they've never had to deal with a rude, obnoxious county clerk, and they certainly don't know how much money you've invested. At the same time, they've never experienced the "high" of finding the answer to a five year old question or the excitement of getting to meet a living "never-before-heard-of relative" or the well spring of emotions when looking into the eyes of a great-great grandfather in the first photograph they've ever seen. They probably have no idea what it's like to have an ancestor come alive as they learn about that life one piece at a time and they may not know what it's like to walk where their ancestors walked. You probably do know all these things. So, you're blessed. You might want to say "no" so they can learn and experience the same things. Another suggestion: give the person an assignment, i.e. give them a list of names to look up in certain cemetery records, in marriage records, death records or any other record you need researched. It worked for me in one case. Not only did I get need information, the person never again asked for "everything I have." Hang in there, Betty in Texas ----- Original Message ----- From: "Lanita Sconce Smith" <ozarkn@grm.net> To: <modavies@rootsweb.com> Sent: Thursday, September 18, 2008 5:12 PM Subject: [MODAVIES] genealogical question > Ok, I've had that correspondence again, where someone is wanting 'all I > have on" and has not shared anything in return. The family we are > talking about, is one that I have a TON of info plus pictures, > pictures, and more pictures of tombstones... > > I've already sent alot on the line with info in several emails, and > several pictures, but she's wanting more.... She actually said "send me > all you have".... > > I'm tired of giving her "everything" I have taken years of research to > acquire, and so far, I've not gotten anything in return.. > > When and HOW do I say ENOUGH! .... I gladly EXCHANGE info, but I'm not > getting anything in return.... Feeling very selfish, and yet, I've > already sent her so much! > > So, how do I say it? > Lanita > > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > MODAVIES-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the > quotes in the subject and the body of the message >