>> > >> Subject: Fw: Snappy Answers > >> > >> > > > > Snappy Answer #1 > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > A flight attendant was stationed at > >> the departure gate > >> to > >> > > > check > >> > > > > >tickets. As a man approached, she extended > >> her hand for the > >> ticket, > >> > > > > and he > >> > > > > >opened his trench coat and flashed her. > >> Without missing a beat > >> she > >> > > > > said, > >> > > > > >"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your > >> stub." > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > Snappy Answer #2 > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > A lady was picking through the > >> frozen turkeys at the > >> grocery > >> > > > > store, > >> > > > > >but couldn't find one big enough for her > >> family. She asked a > >> stock > >> > > > > boy, "Do > >> > > > > >these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock > >> boy replied, "No > >> ma'am, > >> > > > > they're > >> > > > > >dead." > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > Snappy Answer #3 > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > The cop got out of his car and the > >> kid who was stopped > >> for > >> > > > > speeding > >> > > > > >rolled down his window. "I've been waiting > >> for you all day," > >> the > >> cop > >> > > > > >> > > > > said. > >> > > > > >The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as > >> fast as I could." > >> When > >> > > > the > >> > > > > cop > >> > > > > >finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid > >> on his way without a > >> > > > ticket. > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > Snappy Answer #4 > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > A truck driver was driving along on > >> the freeway. A sign > >> comes > >> > > > > >> > > > > up > >> > > > > >that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he > >> knows it the bridge is > >> > > > right > >> > > > > ahead > >> > > > > >of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. > >> Cars are backed up > >> for > >> > > > > miles. > >> > > > > >Finally, a police car comes up. The cop > >> gets out of his car and > >> > > > walks > >> > > > > >around to the truck driver, puts his hands > >> on his hips and > >> says, > >> > > > "Got > >> > > > > >stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I > >> was delivering this > >> > > > bridge > >> > > > > and > >> > > > > >ran out of gas." > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > Snappy Answer #5 > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > A crowded United Airlines flight was > >> canceled. A single > >> agent > >> > > > > >> > > > > was > >> > > > > >rebooking a long line of inconvenienced > >> travelers. Suddenly an > >> angry > >> > > > > >> > > > > >passenger pushed his way to the desk. He > >> slapped his ticket > >> down on > >> > > > > the > >> > > > > >counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this > >> flight and it has to be > >> > > > FIRST > >> > > > > >CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. > >> I'll be happy to try > >> to > >> > > > > help > >> > > > > >you, but I've got to help these folks > >> first, and I'm sure we'll > >> be > >> > > > > able to > >> > > > > >work something out." The passenger was > >> unimpressed. He asked > >> loudly, > >> > > > > >> > > > > so > >> > > > > >that the passengers behind him could hear, > >> "DO YOU HAVE ANY > >> IDEA > >> WHO > >> > > > I > >> > > > > AM?" > >> > > > > >Without hesitating, the agent smiled and > >> grabbed her public > >> address > >> > > > > >microphone. "May I have your attention > >> please," she began her > >> voice > >> > > > > heard > >> > > > > >clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a > >> passenger here at > >> Gate > >> > > > > > 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If > >> anyone can help him > >> find > >> > > > his > >> > > > > >identity, please come to Gate 14." With the > >> folks behind him in > >> line > >> > > > > >> > > > > >laughing hysterically, the man glared at > >> the United agent, > >> gritted > >> > > > his > >> > > > > >teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without > >> flinching, she smiled and > >> said, > >> > > > > >> > > > > "I'm > >> > > > > >sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line > >> for that, too." > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > And the VERY BEST snappy answer .... > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > Snappy Answer #6, THE TEACHER Snappy > >> Answer OF THE YEAR > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > A college teacher reminds her class > >> of tomorrow's final > >> exam. > >> > > > > >> > > > > "Now > >> > > > > >class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you > >> not being here > >> tomorrow. > >> > > > I > >> > > > > >might consider a nuclear attack or a > >> serious personal injury or > >> > > > > illness, or > >> > > > > >a death in your immediate family but that's > >> it, no other > >> excuses > >> > > > > >whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of > >> the room raised his > >> hand > >> > > > > >> > > > > and > >> > > > > >asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I > >> said I was suffering > >> from > >> > > > > complete > >> > > > > >and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire > >> class does its Best to > >> > > > stifle > >> > > > > >their laughter and snickering. When silence > >> is restored, the > >> teacher > >> > > > > >> > > > > smiles > >> > > > > >sympathetically at the student, shakes her > >> head, and sweetly > >> says, > >> > > > > "Well, I > >> > > > > >guess you'd have to write the exam with > >> your other hand. > >> > > > >> > > >> > > >> > >> > >> > >> > > > > > > > > > > __________________________________ > > Do you Yahoo!? > > Yahoo! Mail - Find what you need with new enhanced search. > > http://info.mail.yahoo.com/mail_250 > > > > > >