You shouldn't blame yourself for anything. Easier said than done, but there's nothing you could have done to have changed anything in that situation. What is amazing to me is the idea that it's more normal to send the elderly to a nursing home rather than trying to keep them in their own homes. These people who think one might receive better care in a nursing home should spend some time at one. My grandmother was in a very nice nursing home for the last few months of her life. The Aides there were very good, the place was very clean, etc. But my grandmother couldn't advocate for herself, so you always had the feeling that if you weren't there every day asking questions, and requesting services, these things wouldn't be done. It's wonderful you were able to keep your father at home. Lisa > -----Original Message----- > From: memory-lane-bounces@rootsweb.com [mailto:memory-lane- > bounces@rootsweb.com] On Behalf Of grandbanna > Sent: Tuesday, February 11, 2014 2:19 PM > To: memory-lane@rootsweb.com > Subject: Re: [ML] mother > > Thank you Barb. She tells me over and over that he lunged forward and > part of his body was off of the bed. She tried to lift him but > couldn't. He took about two breaths and died. My son is an ER nurse. > He said that sometimes when a person has a pulmonary embolus or a heart > attack they do shift forward. I was afraid that the lunge forward > caused his death but it didn't. It's still extremely hard for me to > hear her relive this, but she needs to talk about it. Since he died at > home, the sheriff's department had to investigate. They said all was > okay and they didn't see anything out of the ordinary. I blamed myself > for not being there. We often left them for a couple of hours at the > time but always stayed in touch by phone. There would have been > nothing that I could have done if I had been here and I am at peace > with that but it still hurts me. The young sheriff's deputy > questioned me as to why he wasn't in a nursing home where he could have > been cared for. The constable! > is a very good friend of ours and jumped to my defense. The deputy > called the sheriff who was a good friend to my dad. He told him the > same thing. They both commented on how well he had been cared for. > > Martha > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: Barbara Mangan <tipperboo12@gmail.com> > To: MEMORY-LANE@rootsweb.com > Sent: Mon, 10 Feb 2014 22:27:59 -0500 (EST) > Subject: [ML] mother > > Martha, don't think about everything that you have to do. Take one > thing a time or you will go nuts and don't look ahead so much. I am > sure your mum has a hundred things going around in her mind to. Maybe > sit and listen to each other. When and if she cries leave her alone so > that she can cry hard and loud when she is alone. Peace of mind will > come soon. > Barb