As you know I posted about my Dad passing away Feb. 1. My Mother is now with me. She can't stay by herself. Daddy kept her up night and day so she hasn't had much rest in a couple of years now. As long as they were in their home, she was up and going but now she has set down and doesn't get up unless she needs to go to the restroom or to eat. She would sleep all day if I would let her. I'm still having a hard time emotionally, so I know she must be dealing with even more than I am. I know she needs to rest for a while. The thing is, I just don't know when to start encouraging her to be active again. She has neuropathy in her legs and says she would get up if her legs didn't hurt so bad. Medication doesn't help. I could ask her doctor but he would just give her another pill. She needs something to keep her occupied. I have that, but she is totally removed from her familiar surroundings. Does anyone have suggestions as to how I can help her. I'm sorry since this is not an advice website but I felt like some of you would have wise advice. Martha

Been there, Martha. And I didn't realize what was going on. Mom took care of Dad until he went into a nursing home; then she visited everyday. When he died, suddenly she had nothing to do. Had given up all her activities to take care of him and his problems. Her sister came to live with her, which I thought was a good thing, but the sister didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. Sister didn't drive, so that was left to Mom. Actually she was still "alone" with no one to do anything with. For a while she did take them out riding but soon she was tired again...and even after we brought them over here and after Mom came to live with us, she had lost any desire to do anything but watch TV. In her case she was going into dementia, which no one could do anything about. I do wish (hind-sight) that I had found someone who could have told me what was happening mentally. Perhaps her doctor has seen her for so long he knows what is wrong without checking? If you can't get him to take another good look, I suggest looking for someone knowledgeable in age-related problems and see if they will see your mother. They may be able to help you get her going again. Sooner the better cause it is hard to get moving again if you sit still too long. Neysa ----- Original Message ----- From: grandbanna To: memory-lane@rootsweb.com Sent: Thursday, February 06, 2014 6:43 PM Subject: [ML] I Need A Voice of Experience Please As you know I posted about my Dad passing away Feb. 1. My Mother is now with me. She can't stay by herself. Daddy kept her up night and day so she hasn't had much rest in a couple of years now. As long as they were in their home, she was up and going but now she has set down and doesn't get up unless she needs to go to the restroom or to eat. She would sleep all day if I would let her. I'm still having a hard time emotionally, so I know she must be dealing with even more than I am. I know she needs to rest for a while. The thing is, I just don't know when to start encouraging her to be active again. She has neuropathy in her legs and says she would get up if her legs didn't hurt so bad. Medication doesn't help. I could ask her doctor but he would just give her another pill. She needs something to keep her occupied. I have that, but she is totally removed from her familiar surroundings. Does anyone have suggestions as to how I can help her. I'm sorry since t! his is not an advice website but I felt like some of you would have wise advice. Martha http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~mbousman1/memory.htm ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to MEMORY-LANE-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message

Although your mother hasn't had much rest, sleeping all day is not good. I'm sure she is going through the grieving process, and is probably depressed. You should try to figure out some kind of routine that will work in your house. There are probably chores that she can do while sitting - helping to prepare food, folding laundry, planning meals. Maybe you could just ask her - can you help me do this chore? If she sees that you need her to help, she might come around on her own. Even though she has pain, she should still move around some. Maybe you can encourage her to walk up and down the hallway, or make a loop around the house when she is up for the bathroom. If she doesn't seem to be improving after a couple of weeks, you should contact her doctor. If her doctor doesn't seem interested in the overall situation, get a referral to a geriatric doctor - someone who specializes in treating the elderly. You can also look for elderly support groups either online or in your community. Do you have a visiting nurse or something like that? Also if you have a senior center near you, they may have some resources. Lisa > -----Original Message----- > From: memory-lane-bounces@rootsweb.com [mailto:memory-lane- > bounces@rootsweb.com] On Behalf Of grandbanna > Sent: Thursday, February 06, 2014 6:44 PM > To: memory-lane@rootsweb.com > Subject: [ML] I Need A Voice of Experience Please > > > As you know I posted about my Dad passing away Feb. 1. My Mother is > now with me. She can't stay by herself. Daddy kept her up night and > day so she hasn't had much rest in a couple of years now. As long as > they were in their home, she was up and going but now she has set down > and doesn't get up unless she needs to go to the restroom or to eat. > She would sleep all day if I would let her. I'm still having a hard > time emotionally, so I know she must be dealing with even more than I > am. I know she needs to rest for a while. The thing is, I just don't > know when to start encouraging her to be active again. She has > neuropathy in her legs and says she would get up if her legs didn't > hurt so bad. Medication doesn't help. I could ask her doctor but he > would just give her another pill. She needs something to keep her > occupied. I have that, but she is totally removed from her familiar > surroundings. Does anyone have suggestions as to how I can help her. > I'm sorry since t! > his is not an advice website but I felt like some of you would have > wise advice. > > Martha