To Allison, Don't think for one moment you were stupid to let people know your mother is adopted. My father is adopted. Because I knew nothing of his biological family when I started tracing my family tree I did the adopted family side. I called a "cousin" on the adopted side and asked if he'd help with information. He was very quick to point out that my father was adopted and "therefore not entitled to anything the family has". I lost my temper and quickly pointed out to him that in the eyes of the law my father was as much a part of that family as if he'd been born into it. I also understand not wanting to upset your mother by researching her biological family but by waiting you might miss a chance to get information directly from the family. My father didn't want to search for his until my grandmother passed. When she did I started researching only to find that his birth mother had just recently passed as well. Because no one in the family knew she had placed a child for adoption we missed our chance to get information we needed without having to shock her other children by telling them they had a brother. Two of his three siblings were okay with the idea, agreed to DNA testing and we were able to prove relations. Lisa in PA ----- Original Message ----- From: "Allison Bartsch" <rb1000@hotmail.com> To: laorlean@rootsweb.com Sent: Friday, April 4, 2008 7:45:49 PM (GMT-0500) America/New_York Subject: Re: [LAORLEAN] adoption & genealogy Hi Martha, Thanks for your comments. Maybe part of my problem is that I tell everyone that my mother and her sisters are adopted. I felt like I was supposed to disclose that information. I was very frustrated last week because I sent a lot of good stuff that took me years to compile, to a "cousin" in Georgia. She had family letters that mentioned my great grandfather and his exploits. I sent the cousin the obit, and a picture of his headstone, and a scanned copy of confederate notes which bear his signature. In return, I was hoping she would send me copies of the letters mentioning my great grandfather. I haven't heard a word from her since my email mentioned the adoptions. And now I am sure I can't get the information because I am not blood family. I feel like a cartoon character with steam streaming from my ears. If I hadn't been so stupid, I might have gotten the information. I just didn't know to keep my mouth shut. I can't research my mother's biological family now. She is all up in my business and she would find out. It would be like her childhood whenever stupid people told her that she was not really family to her mother and father. So, I can't do any research on her biological family. I made a promise that I am going to keep. But this has been so upsetting because I really wanted the information in the family letters. And now I am left with the impression that I don't deserve to have it because I am not really family. That sucks. Anyway, I felt like I had to speak for the adoptees out there. I hoped that we are far enough along with our society that we were past trying to shame adoptees, but apparently some knuckle-draggers out there haven't evolved enough to render the defense unnecessary. Allison Eleuterius Bartsch ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to LAORLEAN-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message