TIP #480 - THOU SHALT NOT! I had a perfectly good tip for today, the conclusion of the US Navy Deaths during WW I. But I yelled "stop the presses!" I have had it! Now, normally I am an even-tempered and patient woman and more than willing to help others in their research. But I am painfully aware of a growing trend among primarily newer family genealogists - well, perhaps more than one trend - but one of gimme, gimme, gimme. So I'm going to give you Sandi's list of "thou shalt not's!". This does NOT apply to anyone on this list, believe me!!! But maybe you know someone to whom it does apply. 1. Thou shalt not call for assistance and ramble on and on for 15 minutes about every ancestor you are researching and expect the person you're calling to know everything about them in total recall. Thou shalt instead be organized and ask for information about one individual or one event and any clue you may have as to where you've looked already. Contrary to public opinion, researchers (whether volunteer or paid) do not sit with baited breath waiting to hear the entire history of your family and be able to reach into our brain and hand you your family on a silver platter. We know it's important to YOU and we are sympathetic, but to us (most of the time), it's just another name. 2. Thou shat not write, e-mail or call and say "give me all you've got" on my family. There is nothing that will turn most of us off faster. Most of us do have lives outside of genealogy and we cannot go through every record we have and hand it to you! We really DO want to help you, we're a nice breed of people, but this is just a no-no. Until we am able to clone outselves, we don't have time to go through every deed, will, marriage and court case at no charge in one email or phone call. It takes a lot of time sometimes. Ask for one person, one event as in #1 above. 3. Thou shalt not send a letter to an individual or a historical society asking for information and not include a self-addressed stamped envelope. Maybe this sounds trivial, but believe me it adds up. If you are so desperate for information on your family, surely one single stamp will not bankrupt you! But dozens of these letters do put a crunch on the recipient! 4. Thou shalt not ask for information via e-mail, snail mail or phone call and not say thank you when you receive the information you desire! Or a thank you even if they can't help you! Many of us receive hundreds of e-mails every day asking for help and when we take the time and find the information and send it to you .... the total void created when the person who takes the information and runs with it without so much as a thank you, will gain you one thing. we'll likely never look up anything else for you. Perhaps this sounds harsh, but common courtesy goes a long way. 5. Thou shalt not argue with the individual trying to help you! If we're looking at the source document and believe it to be true based on other confirming records, don't argue with us and say, "well my family said his name was Joseph Henry and you have Joseph James and you must be wrong!" We cannot guarantee even source documents - mistakes were made! But to the best of my knowledge from what we have, that is what is shown and we don't need to be berated because you don't agree with it! 6. Thou shalt not contact a historical society and ask for voluminous information. They are mostly all volunteers and they will help you all they can. But when you request information, slip in a donation to the society. It will be greatly appreciated. Most volunteers don't have the information in front of them, they have to make a trip to the library or a historical/genealogical repository and try to find it for you. Thank them in advance and don't forget the SASE! 7. That shalt not expect someone else to do all your work for you. Thou shalt do your part. I don't know, and can't prove it statistically, but it "feels" like the modern day genealogists expect to make one phone call, one e-mail or one trip to the library and fill in their entire family tree! It normally doesn't work this way unless you're descended from someone famous! A lady recently called me, rather in a combative mood, to see if I could give her all the information on her family - she had looked at a couple of states and couldn't find them. Well, the family was in the county where I live and I tried to help her but she said she was too busy to go on the internet (didn't like all the email), or look in books, she wanted it now. She didn't offer to pay anything for the information, time and effort and figured I could just work it out for her. Sorry! The sad part is that I had the information and could have helped her in a couple of hours of work. But if it cost her more than a phone call, forget it. She was also so busy arguing that the name was spelled exactly the same as their family spelled it so I was wrong. 8. Thou shalt not moan and groan about how long it is taking you; why, you've been sweating over this brick wall for at least two months! Many of us have some brick walls that are over 30 years old. I know it hurts, I know it's frustrating - been there, done that! Learn patience, those ancestors aren't going anywhere and if you put in foot work, they will hopefully and eventually show up! 9. Thou shalt not just contact someone whose name you see on the internet living in the state of Kentucky (or any other state!) and expect them to know everything about the state! This comes to me more than anything else. Thou shalt get out a map and study up on Kentucky a little. We have 120 counties, there have been many county boundary line changes and none of us are experts on the entire state! I know that in my case, my name is on the internet a lot and I do, in these Kentucky Research tips, cover records from almost every county. But it is not detailed information normally on births, deaths, cemeteries, wills, etc. I don't have access to that information. I've been asked to jump in the car and drive to a far eastern county or up north .... I can't do that. I am in south central KY and have access to materials from this area. I can't run to Hazard and take cemetery photos. Learn a little on the history of the state and where counties are before seeking out someone to help you. If you call and say that John and Mary Doe were married in 1768 in Barren Co KY and I tell you that KY didn't form as a state until 1792 and Barren Co didn't form until 1798 ... I can't find your record! 10. Thou shalt not make phone calls after 9 pm, before 8 am and on Sundays during normal church time or family time. Thou shalt check the time zone into which you're calling and if the person on the other end is rushing out the door, sounds sleepy, or has company ... please honor them. In conclusion, Thou shalt not take any of the items as a personal attack or as a criticism. Thou shalt instead remember that we who volunteer or are with the local historical society, are normal ordinary people. We have a house to run, chores to do, 8-hour sleep cycles to fit in, meals to cook. We DO care and we DO want to help. We understand your frustrations, your excitement and your eagerness to have the perfect family tree. Just try to remember that gimmee, gimmee, gimmee's do make us wonder sometimes. An 11th Commandment should be added but I hated to go over the original 10! If I listed that I would say, thou shalt NOT take any postings you find on the web and post them to other lists, add them to your records as if you were the author, or otherwise not give credit to the author, whomever it is. Permission is normally always granted (at least by me) but if I see my materials credited to someone else as copyrighted material, the individual will be contacted immediately! You are a special group on this list and have never done the things that others have. I'm proud of you! (c) Copyright 26 February 2004, Sandra. K. Gorin. All Rights Reserved. Colonel Sandi Gorin SCKY Links: http://www.public.asu.edu/~moore/Gorin.html SCKY surname registry sites: http://www.rootsweb.com/~kyclinto/reg.html http://www.rootsweb.com/~kyclinto/forms/SCKYreg.html Gorin Publishing: http://ggpublishing.tripod.com/