TIP #483 - ASHES IN THE FIREPLACE A reader of this list sent me an email that got me to thinking. I honestly didn't have an answer for her but have been thinking of her circumstances - which, I fear, are all to common. Questions sent me boil down to basically the following problems." "My family just doesn't care for my genealogical research. They won't provide information, they think I'm just been nosy, and my children don't seem interested enough to take care of my research after I'm gone.. What can I do" As an avid researcher for over 34 years, I have run into many of these problems. Part of one of my family lines accused me of trying to find a skeleton in the closet resulting in the shaming of the family name. It's funny, but I never did. Others froze up as if I'd asked them the first question on a final exam. Some basically told me to mind my own business. So, you're on your own. Your husband or wife barely tolerates the hours you spend in front of your computer instead of doing spring house cleaning, Relatives lock the door as you see you pull into the driveway. Telephone calls aren't returned, letters are answered. It's a lonely road you've taken. Discouragement is about to set in. There is no one solution to all the scenarios above. The saddest thing I ever saw was many years ago while visiting a great aunt of my husband's. I loved her; she was a free sprit in her 80s with a mind as sharp as a tack. Her long time friend was there that evening and the conversation just happened to turn towards genealogy. The friend gave a big sigh; she was a mite of a thing and the sigh seemed to come from deep inside. She nodded towards the fireplace and sadly said: "I don't have any family left, no one cares about my family history. I just threw all my family photos and letters into the fireplace, no one is left who would be interested anyway." I cried. She must have lived fabulous life, maybe ordinary, maybe adventurous, and she too would have many stories to tell. But in a moment of sadness, her life went up in flames, gone forever to those who might have cared later. How do you get your family interested? Try every way you can, lovingly! Sometimes they just won't budge from their hatred of anything that sounds like history (comes from the way history is taught in school sometimes). One of the families I was seeking assistance from never did like genealogy even if it was on their own family. It didn't matter one whit to him if his ancestor fought in the Revolutionary War - or even if he was one of Capone's gangsters (which he wasn't!). Well, knowing his family wasn't interested either, I branched out to some of the younger relatives. They weren't really interested, but they shared. In bits and pieces I started putting some of the pieces together. My own family was slightly more cooperative. My father would answer questions and remember stories, but never enough. My grandfather was afraid to say much, but when a tape recorder was put in front of him with the suggestion "just try it, tell me stories, sing songs, whatever", he messed with the recorder for awhile and soon produced a tape I will cherish my whole life - coal mining songs, stories of my Mom's early years, his love for my grandmother, places they'd lived. I will forever be indebted to my aunt for coming up with this idea. With other family members on all sides, I tired to picture routine. With a little encouragement, they dug out photo albums - or most likely - shoe boxes of unlabeled photos and started talking about the people in those faded pictures as I took notes madly. Don't give up on your children if you are blessed to have sons or daughters who absolutely flip out when Mom or Dad starts putting out charts and forms. There is still hope. I have two very beloved daughters who have varying degrees of interest. My oldest daughter tolerates and is quite used to me researching. She would go with me cemetery hunting, in libraries or in clerk's offices. She wasn't really that interested but she didn't mind it either. She is dating a young man whose mother is quite interested in genealogy also so there's hope! My youngest daughter delved into family research with a passion and still, when she has time as a young married woman, is on-line searching, writing, figuring. So I know that between my daughters, my records will be protected. They know what can be kept, what can be pitched and what to hold onto. Other children won't appreciate your work until you're gone. Suddenly a light bulb will come on and they will just open up one of your old notebooks and glance through the charts, mark-outs, dirt stains, coffee stains ... and it will all make sense. Then they will kick themselves that they didn't get interested while you or your spouse or Aunt Maude was around to talk to. Old stories will bring tears to their eyes; photos you've labeled so painstakingly will pique their interest.. But what happens if no one cares at all? This happens no matter how much we try to wish that possibility away. Plan now on what is going to happen to your records when you're gone. The following are just some ideas; you might think of even more or better ones. 1 - If you keep most of your good data on the computer, make 2-3 more backup copies. Give one copy to a genealogy buddy that you trust will take care of it; donate one copy to the local historical society or library; give one to the relative you trust the most who will at least honor your wishes and protect it. 2 - Make a will. We all need wills anyway, but how many of us think about making provisions for our genealogy records? Make sure your executor knows where you records are to go. Specify in the will who gets what and where they are located so when your earthly goods are being sorted through, that shoe box won't be thrown in the trash. 3 - Scan your photographs and email if necessary to someone you trust. Make duplicate copies of those photos - one can go to your children with the request that they hold on to them A set can go to the historical society, nicely labeled as to who, what and when. 4 - Make provisions in your will about what is to happen to your written records also. All those beat-up notebooks, the neatly prepared family histories. The local historical society or genealogical library would be glad to take them and preserve them for future generations if your family doesn't want them. But offer your originals to your family first and pray! Duplicates are fine for donations. 5 - Have a friend you trust, who is "into" genealogy" go through your main materials with you so they will be familiar with what you have and where you keep it. Let him or her know if they can have a particular book or file and you might consider asking them to be one of your executors! 6 - Keep a back-up copy of your computer disks with the family gedcoms on it in a safety deposit box. Label what it is and what is to be done with it. There are likely more options available but this will get you thinking anyway. For those of you blessed with an entire family who just love walking cemeteries, identifying old pictures and writing out family charts with you - you don't know how fortunate you are. But, for the majority of us, plan ahead. You have our sympathy, believe me, and I hope things will change for you. But while you're waiting, protect what you have so your years of blood, sweat and tears won't end up ashes in a fireplace. (c) Copyright 11 Mar 2004, Sandra K. Gorin. All Rights Reserved. Colonel Sandi Gorin SCKY Links: http://www.public.asu.edu/~moore/Gorin.html SCKY surname registry sites: http://www.rootsweb.com/~kyclinto/reg.html http://www.rootsweb.com/~kyclinto/forms/SCKYreg.html Gorin Publishing: http://ggpublishing.tripod.com/