> How To Bathe A Cat > > (Note: Jeffery LaCroix is a veterinarian with an office in > Wilmington. He writes a column for the Morning Star called > "From Paws to Tails." > > Here is his response to a letter regarding bathing a cat:) > > Dear Dr. LaCroix: I've heard that cats never have to be > bathed, and that they have some sort of special enzyme in > their saliva that keeps them clean. This doesn't sound > believable to me because there are definite "kitty" odors > on my couch and dirty cat paw prints on our white hearth. > Is this true about the saliva? If we do decide to give > "Nice Kitty" a bath, how do we do that? - NSP, Wilmington > > Dear NSP: Fortunately for you, several years ago a client > gave me a written set of instructions about cat bathing > which I am privileged to share with you: > > Cat Bathing As A Martial Art > > A. Know that although the cat has the advantage of > quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have > the advantage of strength. > > Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. > Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force > you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. > > If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend > that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding > -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. > (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk > cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than > a politician can shift positions.) > > B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to > remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here > is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect > yourself. > > I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top > construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army > helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket. > > C. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat > nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. > (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have > little or no interest in fashion as a rule.) > > D. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to > survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, > step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip > the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. > > You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. > > E. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has > soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. > > Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three > seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must > remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub > like crazy. > > He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby > rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three > latherings, so don't expect too much.) > > F. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always > assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans > generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just > getting really determined. > > In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have > just been through. > > That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to > your right leg. > > You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your > towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up > clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, > the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to > encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is > drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach > down and dry the cat. > > In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from > your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about > three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his > back to you. > > He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed > stare of a plaster figurine. > > You will be tempted to assume he is angry. > > This isn't usually the case. > > As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your > defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide > to give him a bath. > > But at least now he smells a lot better. >> > How To Bathe A Cat > > (Note: Jeffery LaCroix is a veterinarian with an office in > Wilmington. He writes a column for the Morning Star called > "From Paws to Tails." > > Here is his response to a letter regarding bathing a cat:) > > Dear Dr. LaCroix: I've heard that cats never have to be > bathed, and that they have some sort of special enzyme in > their saliva that keeps them clean. This doesn't sound > believable to me because there are definite "kitty" odors > on my couch and dirty cat paw prints on our white hearth. > Is this true about the saliva? If we do decide to give > "Nice Kitty" a bath, how do we do that? - NSP, Wilmington > > Dear NSP: Fortunately for you, several years ago a client > gave me a written set of instructions about cat bathing > which I am privileged to share with you: > > Cat Bathing As A Martial Art > > A. Know that although the cat has the advantage of > quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have > the advantage of strength. > > Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. > Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force > you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. > > If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend > that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding > -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. > (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk > cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than > a politician can shift positions.) > > B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to > remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here > is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect > yourself. > > I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top > construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army > helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket. > > C. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat > nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. > (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have > little or no interest in fashion as a rule.) > > D. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to > survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, > step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip > the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. > > You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. > > E. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has > soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. > > Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three > seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must > remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub > like crazy. > > He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby > rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three > latherings, so don't expect too much.) > > F. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always > assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans > generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just > getting really determined. > > In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have > just been through. > > That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to > your right leg. > > You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your > towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up > clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, > the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to > encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is > drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach > down and dry the cat. > > In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from > your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about > three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his > back to you. > > He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed > stare of a plaster figurine. > > You will be tempted to assume he is angry. > > This isn't usually the case. > > As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your > defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide > to give him a bath. > > But at least now he smells a lot better. >>