Dear Nell, Everything about your relationship with us on the Kilgore list makes us ever more grateful to be able to count ourselves as your cousins and friends. You know I've been praying for you, and now you know so many others will be doing so also. You pepper us with warm and caring emails, remember us in your prayers, and laugh and cajole with the best of the kibitzers on this board. Know that we love you...(and sons of truck drivers don't use the "L" word very easily!) So anyhow, just to show you how true that is, its time for another round of instructions on HOW TO BE AN ACTIVE AND VIABLE MEMBER OF THE KILGORE COUSINS GENEALOGICAL TRADITION. Newcomers, pay close attention! This one's for you, Nell! First, some definitions: Nell's Belles--A rowdy group of Kilgore women known for congregating around the slurpy machine at the 7-Eleven singing Armenian Liturgical Sea Chanties. Allen's Army--A rowdy group of Kilgore men known for congregating around women who sing Armenian Liturgical Sea Chanties. Randy's Raiders--A rowdy individual who frequently tosses verbal cow pies at Nell's Belles and Allen's Army, then runs for cover. In order to qualify for membership in Nell's Belles, or the roadies in Allen's Army, you must have successfully participated in one of the following activities: Qualifying event #1: Wearing purple boxers and an I Love Lucy tank top, stand outside a biker bar chanting "Harleys are for pansies!" With a crowd hot on your heels (assumes you can run faster than them), head for the home of your pastor, priest, or rabbi. Outside their door, rap rather vigorously on their door and ask them if you might trouble them for a Coke...By this time the crowd should have arrived; if you can, get them to join you in a rousing chorus of Kumbayah while you wait for your soda. However, if you find them reluctant to participate in the songfest, raise your right hand (covered, of course, in the traditional tin foil) and threaten to beam them to Mars if they come one step closer. Though we haven't yet field-tested this process, our research indicates a high probability for success with this particular crowd-control technique. Once you've sipped the Coke from your clergy member, your annual membership is automatically renewed in the Kilgore Cousin board. The other two qualifying events appear in the next email...