I told this at my Red Hats meeting this month.  The girls know that I have Irish blood in me and am a Catholic, so no one was offended.  Hope this makes you laugh too.       An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year.  Upon her return, her father became upset with her.  "Where have you been all this time?  Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?  Why didn't ye call?  Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?   The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.....Dad ....I became a prostitute...."   "Ye what!!!?" Out of here, ye shameless girl!!  Sinner!!  You're a disgrace to this Catholic family!!"   "OK, Dad..as ye wish.  I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate.  For me little brother, this gold Rolex.  And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mecedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership to the country club.....(takes a breath)...and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Rivera and..."   "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.   Girl crying again, "Sniff, sniff...a prostitute Daddy!  Sniff, sniff"   "Oh, Be Jesus!  Ye scared me half to death, girl!!  I thought ye said a Protestant.  Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!!"