THE NATIVE IRISHMAN Before I came across the sea To this delightful place, I thought that native Irish were A funny sort of race; I thought they bore shillelagh-sprigs, And that they always said: "Och hone, acushla, tare-an-ouns," "Begorra," and "bedad!" I thought they sported crownless hats With dhudeens in the rim; I thought they wore long trailing coats And knickerbockers trim; I thought they went about the place As tight as they could get; And that they always had a fight With every one they met. I thought their noses all turned up Just like a crooked pin; I thought their mouths six inches wide And always on the grin; I thought their heads were made of stuff As hard as any nails; I half suspected that they were Possessed of little tails. But when I came unto the land Of which I heard so much, I found that the inhabitants Were not entirely such; I found their features were not all Exactly like baboons; I found that some wore billycocks, And some had pantaloons. I found their teeth were quite as small As Europeans' are, And that their ears, in point of size, Were not pecul-iar. I even saw a face or two Which might be handsome called; And by their very largest feet I was not much appalled. I found them sober, now and then; And even in the street, It seems they do not have a fight With every boy they meet. I even found some honest men Among the very poor; And I have heard some sentences Which did not end with "shure." It seems that praties in their skins Are not their only food, And that they have a house or two Which is not built of mud. In fact, they're not all brutes or fools, And I suspect that when They rule themselves they'll be as good, Almost, as Englishmen! -- Anonymous