JUST FOR FUN -- Well-known syndicated USA humor columnist Dave BARRY says,"I recently spent a week in Ireland, and I can honestly say that I have never been to any place in the world where it is so easy to partake of the Irish culture - by which I mean beer. Ireland also contains history, nice people, enormous quantities of scenery, and a rich cultural heritage. Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized, rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. It consists mostly of scenic pastures,occasionally interrupted by quaint towns with names such as Cullybackey,Ballybunion, Dingle, Feakle, Nutt's Corner, Fishguard, Knockaderry,Meentullynagarn, Ringaskiddy, Stradbally, and Tang. Thse towns are connected by a state-of-the-art system of medieval roads about the width of a standard bar of hotel soap; the result is that motorists drive as fast as possible in hopes of getting to their destinations before they meet anybody coming the other way. The only thing that prevents everybody from going 120 miles-per-hour is the nationwide system - probably operated by the Ministry of Traffic Safety - of tractors being driven very slowly by old men wearing caps; you encounter these roughly every two miles, rain or shine, day or night. As an additional safety measure, the roads are also frequented by herds of cows, strolling along and mooing appreciatively at the countryside... A typical Irish town consists of several buildings, one of which is always a bar, called a "pub." Next to this there will typically be another pub, which is adjacent to several more pubs. Your larger towns may also have a place that sells food, but this is not essential. Inside the pubs you will usually find Irish people, who are very friendly to strangers, especially compared to the British, who as a rule will not voluntarily speak to you until you have lived in Britain for a minimum of 850 years. The Irish, on the other hand, will quickly start a conversation with you and cheerfully carry it on at great length, with or without your help. One evening in a busy Dublin pub I watched an elderly, well-dressed, cap-wearing gentleman as he sat in the corner and, for two solid hours, struck up a lively conversation with every single person who sat within ten yards of him. You definitely feel welcome in Ireland. But there's more to do there than just talk to Irish people in pubs. You can also drive around the countryside, alternately remarking, "Look, sheep!" and "Here's another tractor!" You can visit a bunch of old castles built by the Normans, who at one point, conquered Ireland, despite being called the "Normans," which is, let's face it, not an impressive-sounding name. It's kind of like being conquered by the "Freds." Probably the best-known castle is the one in the town of Blarney, which contains the famous Blarney stone. To get to it, you have to climb steep, narrow, tourist-infested steps to the top of the castle; there, a local man holds you as you lean out over the castle wall and kiss the Blarney Stone. Legend has it that if you do this, you will give the man a tip. But in my opinion the cultural highlight of the trip occurred in the town of Ennis, Co. Clare, where a pub called Brandon's had a sign outside that read, Traditional Irish Music." This turned out instead to be traditional Irish Elvis impersonator. He sang along to a tape of instrumental Elvis tunes, which he played on a sound system that he never, not once in two solid hours, got adjusted right. Every tme he'd start singing a song, the sound system would screech and honk with feedback; Elvis would then whirl around and spend minutes at a time unsuccessfuly adjusting various knobs while he mumbled the lyrics. The crowd, which I will frankly admit was consuming alcoholic beverages, enjoyed this performance immensely, cheering wildly at the end of each song. They like their fun, the Irish. I'm definitely going back some day. Maybe, I'll rent a tractor."