Iowa According to Jeff Foxworthy If you're proud that your region makes the national news at least 96 times each year because it's the hottest or the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Spirit Lake Iowa If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might farm in Carroll , Iowa If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Des Moines , Iowa If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Russell , Iowa If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Leon , Iowa YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Iowan WHEN 'Vacation' means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend... If you measure distance in hours, you might live in Iowa If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you might live in Sac City , Iowa If you often switch from 'Heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you might live in Winterset , Iowa If you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching, you might live LeMars Iowa If you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings), you might live in Garden Grove , Iowa If you install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked, you might live in Grand River , Iowa If you carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them, you might live in Manning Iowa If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you might live in Northern Iowa If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you might live in Cedar Rapids , Iowa If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you might live in Martensdale , Iowa If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce, you might live in Weldon , Iowa If you were unaware that there is a legal drinking age, you might live in Iowa City , Iowa If Going Down South means Missouri , you might live in Van Meter , Iowa If your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed, you might live in Coon Rapids Iowa If your idea of going out to eat is a tail gate party every Saturday, you definitely live in Iowa If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car; you might live in Waterloo , Iowa If you find 0 degrees to be 'a little chilly', you might live in Audubon , Iowa If you actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Iowa friends -- you DO live in Iowa