> Here are some epitaphs from real tombstones: > On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: > > Here lies > Ezekial Aikle > Age 102 > The Good > Die Young. > > In a London, England cemetery: > > Ann Mann > Here lies Ann Mann, > Who lived an old maid > But died an old Mann. > Dec. 8, 1767 > > In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace > > The children of Israel wanted bread > And the Lord sent them manna, > Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, > And the Devil sent him Anna. > > Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: > > Here lies > Johnny Yeast > Pardon me > For not rising. > > Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: > > Here lies the body > of Jonathan Blake > Stepped on the gas > Instead of the brake. > > In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: > > Here lays Butch, > We planted him raw. > He was quick on the trigger, > But slow on the draw. > > A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery: > > Sacred to the memory of > my husband John Barnes > who died January 3, 1803 > His comely young widow, aged 23, has > many qualifications of a good wife, and > yearns to be comforted. > > A lawyer's epitaph in England: > > Sir John Strange > Here lies an honest lawyer, > And that is Strange. > > Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: > > I was somebody. > Who is no business > Of yours. > > Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the > cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, > Arizona: > > Here lies Lester Moore > Four slugs from a .44 > No Les No More. > > In a Georgia cemetery: > > "I told you I was sick!" > > John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: > > Reader if cash thou art > In want of any > Dig 4 feet deep > And thou wilt find a Penny. > > On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia: > > She always said her feet were killing her > but nobody believed her. > > In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: > > On the 22nd of June > - Jonathan Fiddle - > Went out of tune. > > Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that > sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie: > > Here lies the body of our Anna > Done to death by a banana > It wasn't the fruit that laid her low > But the skin of the thing > that made her go. > > More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England: > > Gone away > Owin' more > Than he could pay. > > Someone in Winslow, Maine didn't like Mr. Wood: > > In Memory of Beza Wood > Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 > Aged 45 yrs. > Here lies one Wood > Enclosed in wood > One Wood > Within another. > The outer wood > Is very good: > We cannot praise > The other. > > On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts: > > Under the sod and under the trees > Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. > He is not here, there's only the pod: > Pease shelled out and went to God. > > The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a > consumer tip: > > Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 > by the explosion of a lamp filled with > "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid" > > Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: > Born 1903--Died 1942 > Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. > It was. > > In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: > > Here lies an Atheist > All dressed up > And no place to go.