> > > > Then there are family historians - good-hearted people who > > > > sometimes (sometimes is a key word here) waive commonly accepted > > > > rules of genealogy to please family and friends. This includes the > > > > righteous among us who properly insist on bloodlines but who will be > > > > in for a few disappointments when DNA testing is universal. > > > > > > > > J. Hugh Sullivan > > > > > > Mr. Sullivan: > > > > > > Your above comment (extracted from the full post), made me laugh out > > > loud as I recalled my kin folks' reaction to the discovery I had > > > made that proved the maternal GrGrandfather was illegitimate. While > > > the kin folks knew this to be true, they did not want such records > > > available for public use (the record was found at NARA) and they > > > certainly did not want "the kid" knowing of and discussing this part > > > of the family history. Many offers were made to me---payments if > > > you will----to withhold that information. > > > > > > Your lines above gave me a good walk down memory lane. > > > > > > Fred Frederick <[email protected]> > > > > your post brings up a good point. as i work very diligently trying > > to research my family history while I still have my mother and my > > grandmother to use as sources i come across a situation where my > > mother and an aunt had been married for a short period of time to > > different men. neither of them wants to share any of their history > > during those times. I know of these marriages because they were in > > my lifetime so I have written them in my notes for use at a later > > date but how does a person make others in the family understand that > > this is a family history to share with our descendants so they can > > know where they came from and who we are, They enjoy researching > > with me and love to find new stories about our ancestors but still > > are adamant about not sharing a small piece of their past. How can > > we make people understand so they will share? > > > > Robin Percy <[email protected]> > > If there is any degree of "shame" or embarrassment you don't change > their minds. It's not history yet because it happened to them - > history is about dead people. Genealogy is not about morals but no > one agrees with me. > > One of my sons was married at 17 and it lasted less than a year. > Was it a "roll in the hay" or is it genealogy? > > My mother would never speak of her father because he divorced her > mother. I didn't realize until after she died that she must have > had a father. She never told me she had a miscarriage. It's > gradually becoming easier to speak of those things. > > When a person's mind is made up they don't want to be confused by > facts. > > [email protected] (J. Hugh Sullivan) I recently discovered that my mother was born some 6 months before her parents were married. As I don't remember that set of grandparents ever celebrating an anniversary, I have to wonder whether my mother knew the truth. If my totally prim-and-proper mother were still alive, she would be scandalized to learn of her parents' indiscretion. I'm sure she would argue the point, but I do have copies of their marriage certificate and her birth certificate. The dates are in the database, as are notes about the marriage and birth certificates. Forty years ago it might have had some social implications, but now it's all historical reference... John John <[email protected]>

> Forty years ago it might have had some social implications, but now > it's all historical reference... > > John As I've said, distance of time and kinship and f2f interaction affects one's attitude there. If it's your great-grandmother who got "caught" back in the naughty-aughties, it's historical reference. If it's your pious aunt, at whose home you now celebrate some important holiday, it's a little less historical. If it's your 16-yr-old daughter, it isn't in the least bit historical. Then there's the problem of -- if I do a data-dump of everything I know about certain people's parents, those people are likely to get in my face at the next family reunion...and they're likely to get in my mother's face at the next opportunity. The moral high-ground of being justified in not-hiding info gets a tad shaky where you're dealing with living persons who have known you since you were in diapers. IMO, YMMV Cheryl singhals <[email protected]>