The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. ================= What the Doctor says and what he really means. Doctor: "This should be taken care of right away." Translation: I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself. Doctor: "Let me check your medical history." Translation: I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you." Doctor: "We have some good news and some bad news." Translation: The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you're going to pay for it. Doctor: "Let me schedule you for some tests." Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab. Doctor: "I'd like to prescribe a new drug." Translation: I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig. Doctor: "If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." Translation: I don't know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself. Doctor: "I'd like to run some more tests." Translation: I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.