Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "Wow, that sounds terrible..." Ed said. "What business were you in?" "I sell good luck charms," said Ted. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Telltale Signs of Being a Mother Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor--and you don't care. You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket. Popsicle's become a food staple. Your favorite television show is a cartoon. You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!   You buy cereal with marshmallows in it. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal. You have time to shave only one leg at a time. You hide in the bathroom to be alone. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds.