A new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him." "Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding." "No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!" "Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars." "No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket....What did you need an airplane ticket for?" "Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said, 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska!" ==================== A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man - you don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!" ================= Great One-Liners I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me. Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.