A Psychology professor was giving a lecture on Bi-Polar Disorder. "Let us establish some parameters," said the professor. "Now then, Bennett, what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," replied Bennett. "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Buston?" "Elation, sir." "And you Thomas, how about the opposite of woe?" "I believe that would be giddy-up, sir." ========== My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone. Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line." ========== So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Montana ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation" The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The Water Representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores. Soon the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life And close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs..."Show him your card!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len