Just as a young man was about to get a chest X-Ray, the equipment slipped and his pelvic region was X-Ray'd instead. "Oh, no! cried the lab technician." Your reproductive organs just received a dose of radiation!" "What does that mean?" asked the worried young man. "It's serious," replied the technician. "All your children will be lawyers!" ========= The kissing booth at the Charity Fair displayed a large sign: "Kisses - $5 to $50." One young man asked the girl in the booth if the price range was a matter of duration. "Nope !" she smiled knowingly. "Lip placement." =========== A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed, "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." "So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does!" ========== When you're a parent you're a prisoner of war. You can't go anywhere without paying someone to come and look after your kids. In the old days, babysitters were paid about 50 cents an hour, and they'd steam clean the carpet and detail your car. Now they've got their own union. I couldn't afford it, so I asked my mother to come over. The sitters called her a scab and beat her up on the front lawn." ========== "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible." =========== A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "you'd be his wife!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and favorite sites in one place. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.7 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1970 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message