Advise your children to get you quality gifts. After all, they don't want to inherit junk. Beware of a chiropractor who wears a neck brace. Beware of bargains in life belts, parachutes and heart transplants. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day; if you aren't home by then you're in trouble. Despite what you read in the papers, people don't usually die in alphabetical order. Never hire an electrician with no eyebrows. Be suspicious if you discover that your car mechanic has clean fingernails. If lightning strikes, make sure that you're walking next to a tall person. ========== We invited some old friends to help celebrate my 40th birthday. My husband went out to buy a gift, and he saw some cute little music boxes. A blue one was playing "Happy Birthday to You." Thinking they were all the same, he picked up a red one and asked the clerk to have it gift-wrapped. When we sat down to dinner, he gave it to me, asked me to open it and— surprise—out came the tune to "The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be." ========== An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Scout, you must use all your thirty years of skills for me and try to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian Scout lays down and puts his ear to the ground. "Large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. Many, many guns! Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "NO," replied the Indian. "I can see under the gate." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Make your life easier with all your friends, email, and favorite sites in one place. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.7 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1997 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message