2008 Christmas Letter December 14, 2008 Here we are again, this year seemed to go by too fast. The older I get the faster the years go by. I don't think I will wrap anything this year, maybe do Mall cards. Martha Stewart had a show the other day on how to make your own wrapping paper, by cutting an apple in half horizontally and dipping it into food coloring and starch and imprinting it on plain paper. I don't know what "she" is smoking through her apple core. If we were supposed to wrap packages, it would have been in the Bible. "and lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman and pine trees covered with colored balls." And Joseph was going to throweth the paper away, but Mary saideth unto him, "Holdeth it! That is nice paper, foldeth it into a 6" square and saveth it until next year!" and Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. I know it did say in the Bible that men were to be henpecked, because it says, "and Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Israel." This year our electric bill was so high in the summer every time I saw a helicopter go over I was waiting for the swat team to land and kick in the doors looking for an indoor pot farm. As usual, as every year, the computer was acting up. so I called Pakistan again for help. I hate that. I told him it was driving me crazy and I was on the verge of suicide, he got all excited and asked me if I knew how to drive a truck. Daughter Jill turned 40 this year, but guess she didn't get any wiser, she took me , her husband Russell and the kids, Max and Alix to celebrate her birthday in Disneyland. I didn't think I was going to have the stamina to do 3 days of walking in Disneyland and we had entertained the thought of actually renting a wheelchair to roll around in and maybe be first in line at the wheelchair ramp. Then the kids starting arguing who was going to sit on my lap and ride who was going to push, maybe I could push and they could ride together, so we scratched that thought. Thanksgiving the crowds thinned out about 4pm and we actually got to ride some rides. Bad thing about crowds, the bathrooms get real ugly real quick. Russell came up with a great idea of lining the seat with toilet paper before using it. Great idea, Russ. Let me tell you how great this idea was. After using the rest room as we came into Calif. Great Adventure, we headed up through the park. Russ and the kids walking way ahead of us to go fast pass a ride, a nd I notice people pointing and laughing at Russell and the kids. I poked Jill, who was wearing a stupid looking pom pom hat we bought for Alix, and I say, hey people are checking out your husband and laughing. Jill with her stupid hat says it looks like Russell has a tail. We realize his tail is made of toilet paper hanging from under his shirt at the waist down to the heels of his shoes.. It was late and we were tires and in need a a good laugh. We hung back a while longer to enjoy the show and people starting looking at us funny because we are laughing hysterically. Jill thought she should trot up there and in tears of laughter told Alix to let her Dad know he had paper dragging the pavement. Russell in his quickness to handle the problem reaches back and just seem to to get a square of paper at a time, causing us to laugh even harder. Talk about being the butt of the joke. We laughed every time toilet paper was mentioned. So every time we had a tense moment the rest of the vacation, we asked Russell if he could spare a square. Bob's mom is still with us and at 92 still doing great, just a few aches and pains from old age. She gets mad at the Dr. because he tells her she is old and that comes with a few aches and pains. But every time we go for an office visit, she is fine. She is on coumadin which is a blood thinner, so she is always cold. She has Bob kick the wood stove heat up to 90 and she has on thermal under wear, tops and bottoms, a turtleneck shirt, and a pull over sweat shirt, socks, slippers and an electric lap blanket turned up on high and she is still cold.. Meanwhile we are periodically going outside for air. At night we close our bedroom door and open all the bedroom windows. Luckily we haven't had to use the heater, still just going by the wood stove. While we were in Disneyland we left Bob in charge of his Mom and her weanie dog, figured he could handle that, what could go wrong. He was making her a sandwich when her dog rolls her ball under the T.V. armoire. He told her he would get it, just wait for a minute. He comes around the corner to find his 92 year old Mother standing on her white cotton ball head with her hands on the ground and bent over at the waist. As he looks at her, she neatly tucks in her knees and gently rolls over on to her back. She is laughing he says and he thinks she is nuts. She said she didn't want to get down on her knees to look for the ball because she couldn't get back up so she thought if she just bent over she could get it. Wrong!!!! He said he should have entered her in the geriatric Olympics,....says she can't wait a minute for anything....... .. Bob is still watching cage fighting on T.V., Grandma Norene and I are just about "tapped out" with this show. Bob found a new program for us to watch it's called "Hunting". What I don't understand, is why after they kill the big deer or elk, do the proceed to tell you how beautiful the animal is. They grab it by the horns and say, "look at it's beautiful mask, check out those magnificent horns, what a beautiful coat", they exclaim as they stroke the damn dead animal like it's a sleeping dog. They count every wart and bump on the horns as a point, "Look Earl, I got a 16 point." If it's so beautiful, why did you kill it? Then there are the guys who after shooting a turkey, wild boar or deer, high five each other, hug and kiss and pat each other on the butts, jump up and down then fall into the weeds and roll around together. Reminds me of a scene from a movie I once saw. Then there is the guy who is so heavily draped with camouflage clothes that he is practically invisible, he is hunched over and walking through the brush and his guide is walking upright with regular clothes on. Or the guys who are looking through binoculars at a deer two miles away on another hill, but they are whispering. Do they really think the deer will hear them?? Too much whispering in the hunting shows for me, I have to turn it on mute so I can read what they are saying. I would like to see a hunting show where it shows the guy fall off his tree stand, miss the shot for the big buck, shoot the turkey decoy by mistake or maybe be in a duck blind with all the ducks flying and he forgot his shell box. I am still not too sure of the Chinese. I was watching the Olympics and found out they put their kids in Olympic school at age 4, seems the Olympic medal will bestow honor on the family and they will be wealthy, forget about loving parents. And don't forget about last years drama with the poison in the dog food, antifreeze in the toothpaste, and lead in the toys, well this year seems like the Chinese have added a chemical to baby formula that they use to make plastic. . Be very careful about buying any "plastic" baby dolls from China this year. You never know!