On his way home from work recently, my husband came upon a "Road Closed" sign. Undeterred, he maneuvered his truck around it and continued on. But he didn't get very far. The pavement ended, giving way to another, larger sign: "What Part of 'Road Closed' Didn't You Understand?" ************************ A friend's daughter, Callie, had enrolled in a Spanish class taught by a Hispanic teacher. "I'm not familiar with that name," he said. "Does it start with a K?" She replied, "C." Ever since, he has spelled her name "Kallie." ********************** A friend of mine is a deputy with the sheriff's department canine division. One evening, the deputy was dispatched to the scene of a possible burglary, where he discovered the back door of a building ajar. He let the dog out of his patrol car and commanded it to enter and seek. Jumping from the back seat, the dog headed for the building. After lunging through the doorway, the dog froze and backed out. My friend was puzzled until he investigated further. Then he noticed the sign on the building: "Veterinarian's office." *********************** Teacher to a third grade student: "Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?" Billy: "It depends." Teacher: "It depends on what?" Billy: "It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother." ***************************** Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the reenactment of a Civil War battle, my niece's husband took the boy, Will, to the event. But the poor child was terrified by the booming cannons. During a lull, Will's dad finally got him calmed down. That's when the Confederate general hollered, "Fire at Will!" *********************** After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow, Mom, you smell just like Fruit Loops!" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ My 17-year-old niece asked me if she could use my name as a reference on her resume', which she planned to submit to a local fast-food restaurant. I agreed. A few days later she called and asked me to meet her at the restaurant later that afternoon. When I asked her why, she replied, "The manager wants me to come in for an interview, and she told me to bring my references." +++++++++++++++++++++++++ Roses are red, violets are blue. That's what they say, but it just isn't true! Roses are red and apples are too, But violets are violet...violets aren't blue! An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green. A pinky's not pink, so what does it mean? To call something blue when it's not, we defile it. But ah, why not...it's hard to rhyme violet! ************************* When I overheard one of my cashiers tell a customer, "We haven't had it for a while, and I doubt we'll be getting it soon," I quickly assured the customer that we would have whatever it was she wanted by next week. After she left, I read the cashier the riot act. "Never tell the customer that we're out of anything. Tell them we'll have it next week," I instructed her. "Now, what did she want?" "Rain." ********************* Hans vas a Norvegian vorking at the fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers. He vent to da emergency room in the clinik and vhen he got dar, da Norsky doctor looked at Hans and said, "Let's hafe da finkers and I'll see vhat I can do." Hans said, "I hafen't got da finkers." "Vhat do you mean, you hafen't got da finkers? he asked. "Lordy ! It's 2008 ! Ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new ! Vhy didn't you brink da finkers ?" Hans responded: "How da heck vas I supposed to pick dem up ?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1570 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len