We've just received the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the various reasons men get out of bed in the middle of the night. According to the report, 2% are motivated by a desire to visit the bathroom and 3% have an urge to raid the refrigerator. The other 95% get up to go home. ``````````````````````````````````` A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half." "Just bring me a size eight." The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, "I've lost my house to the IRS, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 7, and my son just told me he was going to become an artist. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off." ========== A Texan, trying to impress a Bostonian with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, said, "I'll bet you never had anyone so brave around Boston." "Ever hear of Paul Revere?" asked the Bostonian. "Paul Revere?" said the Texan. "Isn't he the guy who ran for help?" =========== A guy was doing a walking tour of a small town. He noticed that although most of the town was pretty shabby, there was one block that was all spruced up and the businesses there were obviously doing very well. Puzzled, he asked a local why this was. "Well," he was told, "you know the funeral home is in the center of that block." "So, what does that have to do with anything?" the tourist asked. The local just shook his head and said, "Haven't you heard the saying: Prosperity is just around the coroner?" ========= The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply..."Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics." ========= One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested. "I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it." -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1852 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message