Turning cartwheels in the park on wet grass again? You know, these senior years get a little tarnished even if they are supposed to be the golden years. Get well soon and take care of yourself, Edna. We'll be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. Mary P. in Washington ----- Original Message ----- From: "Edna Wakeham" <ednawakeham@yahoo.com> To: <genhumor-l@rootsweb.com> Sent: Monday, July 02, 2012 8:40 AM Subject: [GENHUMOR] Missing in action > Will be out of touch for a while. I fell and > > Broke my hip and am in rehab, am doing well. Dont know for how long. Am > anxious to get home. > will be in touch ASAP. Edna > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > GENHUMOR-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the > quotes in the subject and the body of the message > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.930 / Virus Database: 2437.1.1/5106 - Release Date: 07/01/12 23:34:00

Get well soon. On Mon, Jul 2, 2012 at 9:22 AM, Karla Von Fumetti Staudt < inthepastlane@bellsouth.net> wrote: > Prayers for quick healing being sent your way Edna!!! > > -----Original Message----- > From: Edna Wakeham > Sent: Monday, July 02, 2012 11:40 AM > To: genhumor-l@rootsweb.com > Subject: [GENHUMOR] Missing in action > > Will be out of touch for a while. I fell and > > Broke my hip and am in rehab, am doing well. Dont know for how long. Am > anxious to get home. > will be in touch ASAP. Edna > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > GENHUMOR-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the > quotes > in the subject and the body of the message > > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > GENHUMOR-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the > quotes in the subject and the body of the message >

Bless your heart and hip! Happy healing. On 7/2/12 8:40 AM, "Edna Wakeham" <ednawakeham@yahoo.com> wrote: >Will be out of touch for a while. I fell and > >Broke my hip and am in rehab, am doing well. Dont know for how long. Am >anxious to get home. >will be in touch ASAP. Edna > >------------------------------- >To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to >GENHUMOR-request@rootsweb.com with the word 'unsubscribe' without the >quotes in the subject and the body of the message

Will be out of touch for a while. I fell and Broke my hip and am in rehab, am doing well. Dont know for how long. Am anxious to get home. will be in touch ASAP. Edna

  1)Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2)You can go to the bathroom without a support group. 3)You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 4)If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 5)Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. 6)Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 7)Same work, more pay. 8)Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. 9)Wedding dress: $2,000. Tuxedo rental: $75. 10)If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 11)You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 12)The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 13)Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles have strengthened me ... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. Walt Disney   Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony. Mahatma Gandhi   I know in my heart that man is good. That what is right will eventually triumph. And there is purpose and worth to each and every life. Ronald Reagan   The dream begins with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you to the next, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called truth. Dan Rather

Often, the things we value most become so much a part of us we forget to appreciate them. We take things for granted and never give them a second thought. Have you ever called an acquaintance to thank them for something they've done, and never thought of saying thanks to your dearest friend for everything she or he has done? Today is your day to reflect on the things and people that have done things for you. Take joy in your love for your children, your spouse, your friends and other family members. Then, find a way to let them know how much they mean to you. You'll feel great when you do – and so will they!

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.'' A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with... and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting --until your car or home is paid off --until you get a new car or home --until your kids leave the house --until you go back to school --until you lose ten pounds --until you gain ten pounds --until you finish school --until you get a divorce --until you get married --until you have kids --until you retire --until summer --until spring --until winter --until fall --until you pass away... There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So -- work like you don't need money, Love like you've never been hurt, And dance like no one's watching.

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car.” Yep, it’s the golden years!

----- Forwarded Message ----- From: JAMIE <gone_fishing4u@yahoo.com> To: Edna Wakeham <edna9484@sbcglobal.net> Sent: Friday, June 15, 2012 12:13 AM Subject: The Blind Boy =^..^= The Blind Boy A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help." There were only a few coins in the hat. A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new...words. Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?" The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way." What he had written was: "Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it." Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective? Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively. Invite others towards good with wisdom. Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile. Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Great men say, "Life has to be an incessant process of repair and reconstruction, of discarding evil and developing goodness! In the journey of life, if you want to travel without fear, you must have the ticket of a good conscience." The most beautiful thing is to see a person smiling! And even more beautiful, is knowing that you are the reason behind it!

Ole and Lars were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models. Ole says to Lars, “Haff yew seen da beautiful girls in dis catalog?” Lars replies, “Ya, dey are very beautiful. And look at da price!” Ole says, with wide eyes, “Wow, dey aren't verra expensive. At dis price, I'm buying  vun.” Lars smiles and pats him on the back. “Good idea! Order vun  and if she's as  >>>beautiful as she is in da catalog, I vill  >>>get vun too." >>>  >>>Three weeks later, Lars asks his friend, >>>“Did yew ever receive da girl yew ordered >>>from dat Sears catalog?” >>> >>>Ole  replies......”No, but it shouldn't be long now. >>> >>>Her clothes arrived yesterday!” >>>  > > >____________________________________________________________

When I woke up this morning, I asked myself, "What is life about?" I found the answer in my room... The fan said "Be cool," The roof said, "Aim high," The window said," See the world," The clock said," Every minute is precious," The mirror said," Reflect before you act," The door said," Push hard for your goals," The floor said," Kneel down and pray." ~Anon

  A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"

Little Johnny lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and Little Johnny hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and Little Johnny determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so Little Johnny decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. He got a large stick and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the wood shed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, Little Johnny asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" Little Johnny answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree.

As I Mature *********** I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just stupid jerks. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes, After that you better have a huge schlong. . I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place! I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon, and all the less important ones just never go away. ==============

Physical exercise is good for you. We know that we should do it daily, but our bodies don't want us to do too much, so here's a program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You may use this program without charge. 01) Beating around the bush 02) Jumping to conclusions 03) Climbing the walls 04) Swallowing your pride 05) Passing the buck 06) Throwing your weight around 07) Dragging your heels 08) Pushing your luck 09) Making mountains out of molehills 10) Hitting the nail on the head 11) Wading through paperwork 12) Bending over backwards 13) Jumping on the bandwagon 14) Balancing the books 15) Running around in circles 16) Eating crow 17) Tooting your own horn 18) Climbing the ladder of success 19) Pulling out all the stops 20) Adding fuel to the fire 21) Opening a can of worms 22) Putting your foot in your mouth 23) Starting the ball rolling 24) Going over the edge 25) Picking up the pieces Whew! That's a workout! Now sit down and 26) Exercise caution.

  One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. However, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zookeeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zookeeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly. The keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. The next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he gets bored just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the atten! tion of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zookeeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla. Well, this goes on for some time. The mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"

RETIREMENT Question: How many days in a week?  Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday  Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?  Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.    Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?  Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.    Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.    Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?  Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.  Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?  Answer: Tied shoes.    Question: Why do retirees count pennies?  Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.   Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works and refuses to retire?  Answer:   NUTS!    Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?  Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Or move back in there.   Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?  Answer: Normal.    Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?  Answer: The never ending Coffee Break…spiked !    Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.    Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he worked with?  Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.  QUESTION: What do you do all week?  Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

BACHELOR: A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony. BRIDE: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. DIPLOMAT: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat. GENTLEMAN: A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling. HOUSEWORK: What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it. HUSBAND: A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had. JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT: A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw. LOVE: An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage. MOTHER-IN-LAW: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. MRS.: A job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition. SPOUSE: Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single in the first place. WIFE: A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.