YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO OLD TO TRICK 'N TREAT WHEN ...   You ask for high fiber candy only. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over. You're the only Mummy in the neighborhood with a walker. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest. You keep having to go back home to go to the restroom. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece. You get winded from knocking on the door. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

 Eleanor Roosevelt You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do. I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which I must stop and look fear in the face.  I say to myself, I've lived through this and can take the next thing that comes along. My experience has been that work is almost the best way to pull oneself out of the depths. Never allow a person to tell you NO who doesn't have the power to say YES. As for accomplishments, I just did what I had to do as things came along. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. What one has to do usually can be done. What is to give light must endure the burning. Mary Anne Radmacher Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day, saying, "I will try again tomorrow." Julie Nixon Eisenhower Basically, women have to prove they are strong at all times. And then when they go on the attack, they have to not appear mean because those women often get the label of being catty. Coco Chanel Women have always been the strong ones of the world. The men are always seeking from women a little pillow to put their heads down on. They are always longing for the mother who held them as infants. Ruth Benedict I long to speak out the intense inspiration that comes to me from the lives of strong women. George Bernard Shaw We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow I breathed a song into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For who has sight so keen and strong, That it can follow the flight of song - The song from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend.

Listen to the compass of your heart. All you need lies within you. - Mary Anne Radmacher Be good to yourself. Listen to your body, to your heart. We're very hard on ourselves, and we're always feeling like we're not doing enough. It's a terribly hard job. - Marcia Wallace To measure the man, measure his heart. - Malcolm S. Forbes A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination. - Nelson Mandela All that is real is seen with the heart. - Vivian Greene Don't give up. There are too many nay-sayers out there who will try to discourage you. Don't listen to them. The only one who can make you give up is yourself. - Sidney Sheldon Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf. - Native American Proverb Do what you feel in your heart to be right. You'll be criticized anyway. - Eleanor Roosevelt  

My friend Kelsey got married two years ago in the gorgeous town of Crested Butte, Colorado. Kelsey, having three brothers, has always been one of the boys. But when it came down to her wedding, we began to see her "girly" side -- particularly when it came to her dress and shoes. The tomboy we had always known was all of a sudden trying on Vera Wang and Monique Lhuillier and demanding that she have a dress that equaled what some people make a year. It was in those beginning stages that we all prepared for the worst, and assumed a bridezilla scenario was on our hands. After the dress and shoes were acquired, Kelsey's anxiety about the wedding dropped so low, it was virtually non-existent. Even as the big day crept up and she had a falling out with one of the bridesmaids who bailed, and a two-year-old ring-bearer got sick, she managed to keep it together. As we all gripped each other's hands and prepared for her head to explode, she shrugged everything off. On the day of her wedding, the linen colors were mismatched and the florist left her two centerpieces short. At this point, her wedding was just four hours away, so again, we all watched in fear that at some point she was going to lose it and lash out, but she still kept it together. None of us had ever witnessed a bride so relaxed, so at peace with the drama and crumbling of their wedding plans, that we assumed she was having some sort of internal crisis that was so severe she was in a state of shock. We took turns asking her how she was doing and if she was "holding up," but every time we got back a smile and an affirmation that she was "great." Each of us walked on eggshells as one by one things fell apart and we had to let her know that her dream wedding wasn't going to happen -- we were all terrified.. Just three hours before her wedding, as it started to rain, my sister and I had to inform her that the plumbing had given out. That's right; there would be no proper toilets, there would only be outhouses. We broke the news gently, coddling her the best we could, but she just stared back with vacant eyes then started to laugh maniacally for several minutes. Were we supposed to laugh, too? Were we supposed to run for tissues for when she stopped because the floodgates would finally open? No. Nothing but loud, delirious laughter. She looked around for her flip-flops, slipped them on her feet and said she was heading to the store to get waterless sterilizer since running water wasn't happening. I offered to go with her, but she said it wasn't necessary. Instead she offered to get everyone coffee while she was out. "Is anyone else concerned about what we're witnessing here?" asked one of the bridesmaids after she left. We all agreed and assumed that Kelsey had gone to have a crying fit in the car where no one would see just how much she was being affected by it all. But when she returned, her makeup was intact and she had donuts for all of us. It was the "Twilight Zone" of bridal behavior. Once it was officially time for the wedding -- an outdoor ceremony -- it began to storm. But Kelsey, having dreamed of an outdoor wedding in the mountains, didn't head indoors. She proceeded to get married in the rain as we all got soaked and devoured by mosquitoes. (Between the vows you could hear the smacking of people trying to kill the bugs that were feasting on our skin.) It was during the reception, when part of the tent broke and the rain came pouring down, that we surely expected Kelsey to crack. It never happened; all we could hear was the maniacal laughter again. It was then I realized it was not the laughter of denial or a bride on the brink of a breakdown, but of sheer joy. In that moment, I realized that love isn't about a perfect, flawless wedding. It's not about matching linens, working pipes or even a sunny day. It's about enjoying yourself; you've found the one you're about to spend the rest of your life with, and that's what it's really all about. Once you find that person, the stuff that seems like the end of the world to some, is actually romantic and memorable to others. To this day, Kelsey's favorite photo from that night is of her and her husband, drenched from head to toe, embracing each other mid-laugh. The rest of us should be so lucky.

Q: Where do you learn to make ice cream? A: Sundae school! Q: That did the rug say to the floor? A: Don't move I've got you covered! Q: What can you hold without even touch it? A: A conversation! Q: What happens when frogs park illegally? A: They get toad! Q: What do you get when you cross a cheetah and a burger? A: Fast food! Q: What do you do when two snails have a fight? A: Leave them to slug it out!

Irish Proverbs   #1....A diplomat must always think twice before he says nothing.   #2....A dog owns nothing, yet is seldom dissatisfied.   #3....A Friend's eye is a good mirror.   #4....A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book.   #5....A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.   #6....A kind word never broke anyone's mouth.   #7....A lie travels further than the truth.   #8....All sins cast long shadows.   #9....A new broom sweeps clean, but the old broom knows all the corners.   #10...A good denial, the best point in law.   #11...A promise is a debt.   #12...A quarrel is like buttermilk: once it's out of the churn, the more you shake it, the more sour it grows.   #13...A silent mouth is sweet to bear.   #14...As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.   #15...A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.

  After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.   "What's the hell is the matter with you?!" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"   The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "does she still have the hiccups?"

    Number 24 is the best one. Lawrence Peter Berra played Major League Baseball for 19 years for the New York Yankees. He played on 10 World Series Championship teams, is a MLB Hall of Famer and has some awe-inspiring stats. His name is consistently brought up as one of the best catchers in baseball history, and he was voted to the Team of the Century in 1999. Amazing accomplishments aside, they probably aren't how you know Lawrence . You know him as Yogi, a nickname given to him by a friend who likened his cross-legged sitting to a yogi. Yogi is famous for his fractured English, malapropisms and sometimes nonsensical quotes. He's closing in on 86, and there seems to be no end to his fan's love for him. Here are 25 Yogi Berra quotes that will make you shake your head and smile. 1. "It's like déjà vu all over again." 2. "We made too many wrong mistakes." 3. "You can observe a lot just by watching." 4. " A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." 5. "He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious." 6. "If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be." 7. "If you don't know where you're going, you might end up some place else." 8. Responding to a question about remarks attributed to him that he did not think were his: "I really didn't say everything I said." 9. "The future ain't what it use to be." 10. "I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house." 11. On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded." 12. "I always thought that record would stand until it was broken." 13. "We have deep depth." 14. " All pitchers are liars or crybabies." 15. When giving directions to Joe Garagiola to his New Jersey home, which is accessible by two routes: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it." 16. " Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours." 17. "Never answer anonymous letters." 18. On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary." 19. "The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase." 20. "Half the lies they tell about me aren't true." 21. A s a general comment on baseball: "90% of the game is half mental." 22. "I don't know (if they were men or women running naked across the field). They had bags over their heads." 23. "It gets late early out there." 24. Carmen Berra, Yogi's wife asked: "Yogi, you are from St. Louis , we live in New Jersey , and you played ball in New York . If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi's answer: "Surprise me." 25. "It ain't over till it's over."  

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something which you'd like to have dinner with." -Anonymous woman ******************** I went to a nice, local restaurant/bar with my girlfriend last night. But the regulars were shouting "pedophile!" and other terrible names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. ***************** Q. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? A. The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A. A battery has a positive side.   Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies? A: A baseball team! ***************** Yesterday morning, a FedEx delivery dude was at my door with a package under his arm. I answered the door, complete unaware at the time, wearing only boxer shorts and white tube socks. Usually, in these types of situations, I'll throw on a robe or a dressier pair of socks, but today it just slipped my mind. He didn't seem to notice or I just didn't notice if he noticed or not. Then the guy asked me to sign for the package, but I misunderstood and thought that he asked me, "What's your sign?" So I scribbled out Sagittarius and thanked him for the delivery, and then off he went. Once I came to my senses I realized that this probably wasn't the weirdest thing that Mr. FedEx had seen - and I definitely need to get some new underwear. ***************** The Patient/Doctor Relationship The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, "Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will." "That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change." ***************** Why Are You Eating The Grass? A very rich lawyer was riding in the back of his big limousine when he spotted two men on the side of the road eating grass. "Why are you eating this grass?" he asked them. They replied, "We lost our jobs and have no money. We have to live off this grass on the side of the road." "Nonsense!" said the lawyer. "Both of you get in." The men were grateful, but asked, "Our families are living in those tents, can we bring them too?" "Of course," said the lawyer. After they were all in the in the limo both men thanked the lawyer. "We can't tell you how much it means to us. We have been eating that grass on the side of the road for a month now. There is hardly any grass left." "Think nothing of it," said the lawyer. "I have twenty acres of grass, and it is at least eighteen inches tall!"

Now The New Alphabet:  A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-di-ac?  D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!  F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.  H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low; O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!  P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Qis for queasy, is it fatal or flu? R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.  S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know..  W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found.  Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!            I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!  Humor Keeps Me Sane

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days. and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.   What happens when you predict snow but don't get any?   A TRUE STORY: We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set,  but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

A Little Poem (so true it hurts!) Another year has passed And we're all a little older. Last summer felt hotter And winter seems much colder.   There was a time not long ago When life was quite a blast. Now I fully understand About 'Living in the Past'.   We used to go to weddings, Football games and lunches. Now we go to funeral homes And after-funeral brunches. We used to have hangovers, From parties that were gay. Now we suffer body aches And wile the night away. We used to go out dining, And couldn't get our fill. Now we ask for doggie bags, Come home and take a pill. We used to often travel To places near and far. Now we get sore bottoms From riding in the car. We used to go to nightclubs And drink a little booze. Now we stay home at night And watch the evening news. That, my friend is how life is, and now my tale is told. So, enjoy each day and live it up... Before you're too darned old!

TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK; I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.' THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS. AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS,'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!' 'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?' 'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.' HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.' 'A WITCH? WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?''WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW...TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'  

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they relatives of yours?" "Yes," his wife replied. "I married into the family." ================= Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with a phone? A: A golden receiver!

----- Forwarded Message ---- From: "AWDEWD@aol.com" <AWDEWD@aol.com> Sent: Fri, September 28, 2012 11:58:50 AM Subject: Kids say the Darndest Things Last night on a plane back home from Dallas to Tyler, I was sitting with a friend I've known for many years, talking about church and a whole lot of political things. Being a U.S. Congressman, Louie visits a lot of different churches in the area throughout the year and he told me of what happened in a local church on this past Easter that made me roll with laughter, to the point of tears.   The pastor of this Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.   He said, “Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?”   One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, “Please tell us what the resurrection is.”   The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice,“When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!”   It took a solid 10 minutes before the pastor could speak and there was so much laughter going on that his sermon was probably forgotten - but that boy's voice won't be.

Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you've been telling people that I'm ugly!" "Oh NO! I've just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you've been calling me fat!" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." ============= "A new study found that dogs are smarter than cats because their friendliness has helped them develop bigger brains. Cat people would complain about the findings, but that would involve interacting with other humans." -Jimmy Fallon ================== Our friends, James and Florence, attend choir practice Wednesday evenings, and often head for a restaurant afterwards with their fellow choir members. Florence soon noticed that every time she had a glass of wine, it was followed by a severe migraine headache. James agreed with her that it might be better if she abstained, and so she did. On one post choir occasion, however, Florence decided, after some hesitation, to try a different variety of wine. Some time passed with no consequences. Then she waved happily across the big table where her colleagues all sat and while holding up the empty wine glass announced in a loud voice, "James! I don't have a headache tonight!"

----- Forwarded Message ---- From: Carol <c.keasler@sbcglobal.net> To: obwanob@sbcglobal.net; Joan Rachowicz <libertyjar@yahoo.com>; ednawakeham@yahoo.com; auntesuzie@comcast.net; Janet Drobick <docpin@sbcglobal.net> Sent: Sat, September 29, 2012 8:35:47 AM Subject: Fwd: This is exactly how I remember it all, it was our house Sent from my iPhone Begin forwarded message: > >Sent: Friday, September 28, 2012 12:25 PM >Subject: FW: This is exactly how I remember it all, it was our house > >  >  > > > > >> >> >>  >> >>>>              HEY, WASN'T THIS US ? >>>>> >>>>>>>A little house with three bedrooms, >>>>>>>one bathroom and one car on the street. >>>>>>>A mower that you had to push >>>>>>>to make the grass look neat. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>In the kitchen on the wall >>>>>>>we only had one phone, >>>>>>>And noneed for recording things, >>>>>>>someone was always home. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>We only had a living room >>>>>>>where we would congregate, >>>>>>>unless it was at mealtime >>>>>>>in the kitchen where we ate. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>We had no need for family rooms >>>>>>>or extra rooms to dine. >>>>>>>When meeting as a family >>>>>>>those two rooms would workout fine. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>We only had one TV set >>>>>>>and channels maybe two, >>>>>>>Butalways there was one of them >>>>>>>with something worththe view. >>>>>>> >>>>>>>For snacks we had potato chips >>>>>>>that tasted like a chip. >>>>>>>And if you wanted flavor >>>>>>>there was Lipton's onion dip. >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Store-bought snacks were rare because >>>>>>>my mother likedto cook >>>>>>>and nothing can compare to snacks >>>>>>>in BettyCrocker's book. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Weekends were for family trips >>>>>>>or staying home to play. >>>>>>>We all did things together -- >>>>>>>even go to church to pray. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>When we did our weekend trips >>>>>>>depending on the weather, >>>>>>>no one stayed at home because >>>>>>>we liked to be together. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Sometimes we would separate >>>>>>>to do things on our own, >>>>>>>but we knew where the others were >>>>>>>without our owncell phone. >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Then there were the movies >>>>>>>with your favorite movie star, >>>>>>>and nothing can compare >>>>>>>to watching movies in your car. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Then there were the picnics >>>>>>>at the peak of summer season, >>>>>>>pack a lunch and find some trees >>>>>>>and never need a reason. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Get a baseball game together >>>>>>>with all the friends you know, >>>>>>>have real action playing ball -- >>>>>>>and no game video. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Remember when the doctor >>>>>>>used to be the family friend, >>>>>>>and didn't need insurance >>>>>>>or a lawyer to defend? >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>The way that he took care of you >>>>>>>or what he had to do, >>>>>>>because he took an oath and strived >>>>>>>to do the best foryou. >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Remember going to the store >>>>>>>and shopping casually, >>>>>>>andwhen you went to pay for it >>>>>>>you used your own money? >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Nothing that you had to swipe >>>>>>>or punch in some amount, >>>>>>>and remember when the cashier person >>>>>>>had to really count? >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>The milkman used to go >>>>>>>from door to door, >>>>>>>And it was justa few cents more >>>>>>>than going to the store. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>There was a time when mailed letters >>>>>>>came right to yourdoor, >>>>>>>without a lot of junk mail ads >>>>>>>sent out by everystore. >>>>>>> >>>>>>>The mailman knew each house by name >>>>>>>and knew where itwas sent; >>>>>>>there were not loads of mail addressed >>>>>>>to"present occupant." >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>There was a time when just one glance >>>>>>>was all that itwould take, >>>>>>>and you would know the kind of car, >>>>>>>themodel and the make. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>They didn't look like turtles >>>>>>>trying to squeeze out everymile; >>>>>>>they were streamlined, white walls, fins >>>>>>>andreally had some style. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>One time the music that you played >>>>>>>whenever you wouldjive, >>>>>>>was from a vinyl, big-holed record >>>>>>>called a forty-five. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>The record player had a post >>>>>>>to keep them all in line >>>>>>>andthen the records would drop down >>>>>>>and play one at a time. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Oh sure, we had our problems then, >>>>>>>just like we do today >>>>>>>and always we were striving, >>>>>>>trying for a better way. >>>>>>> >>>>>>>Oh, the simple life we lived >>>>>>>still seems like so much fun, >>>>>>>how can you explain a game, >>>>>>>just kick the can and run? >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>And why would boys put baseball cards >>>>>>>between bicyclespokes >>>>>>>and for a nickel, red machines >>>>>>>had little bottledCokes? >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>>This life seemed so much easier >>>>>>>and slower in some ways. >>>>>>>I love the new technology >>>>>>>but I sure do miss those days. >>>>>>> >>>>>>>So time moves on and so do we >>>>>>>and nothing stays the same, >>>>>>>but I sure love to reminisce >>>>>>>and walk down memory lane. >>>>>>>  >>>>>>>With all today's technology >>>>>>>we grant that it's a plus! >>>>>>>But it's fun to look way back and say, >>>>>>>"Hey look, guys, THAT WAS US!"     >>

10 Commandments 1. Thou shalt be happy.   2. Thou shalt use thy talents to make others glad.   3. Thou shalt rise above defeat and trouble.   4. Thou shalt look upon each day as a new challenge.   5. Thou shalt always do thy best and leave the rest to God.   6. Thou shalt not waste thy time and energy in useless worry.   7. Thou shalt look only on the bright side of life.   8. Thou shalt not be afraid of tomorrow. 9. Thou shalt have a kind word and a kind deed for everyone. (c)Helen Steiner Rice10. Thou shalt say each morning - I am a child of God and nothing can hurt me.

HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1.. Try everything twice. On one woman's tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: "Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!" 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!) 3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever... Never let the brain get idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's! 4. Enjoy the simple things. «5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh,spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER. 6... The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. LIVE while you are alive.. 7.. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips.. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. 10.. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. I love you, my special friend! 11.. Forgive now those who made you cry. You might not get a second chance.. And if you don't send this to at least 4 people - who cares? But do share this with someone. Remember! Lost time can never be found. Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Wine does not make you FAT .... it makes you LEAN .... (against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.) "Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point." Billy Graham

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. "What's the matter, son," asked his mother. "Aw, gee," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet." "What do you mean 'all wet?'" "I mean," he replied, "below C-level." ============== A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?" "I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch." ================== Q: Why shouldn't you tell secrets in a cornfield? A: There are too many ears!