My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."

  Everyday you make me smile You let me know you care. You help me see the good in things.  And for me you're always there. Everyday You ease my pain, And help me through my day. You let me know I'm not alone, You teach me love that way. Everyday I say a prayer To keep you safe and free. And everyday is filled with hope, That you'll spend time with me. Everyday you show me love Wanting nothing back from me. You let me know you are my friend And keep me company. Everyday I look around Even when my life's a mess. Knowing in my heart of hearts My friends are just the best. Everyday I thank the Lord For having given me The very best that I can have, That is, all my friends, you see! Author Unknown

    My friends are so very dear to me, Through the good and bad they’ve been there, Laughter or tears we’ve been through it all, But no matter what....they stood by me, Sharing in my joy, or lending a shoulder to cry on.                             Building memories that will last a life time. The fun times and laughter that we have shared, Are happy memories that will always be there. When I was sad, they have always cheered me up. My friends are true friends, not just passing by, But will be there through out the years. I can’t think of more perfect friends, To share my goals and dreams with.               Because my Forever Friends Are the only ones I will ever need, I don’t know if they can tell, Just how much they mean to me.   How important their friendship is, And how much I care, For they are what true friendship is about. They’re there when I need them, And I love them all. unknown

    Think about getting rich: friendships are priceless, time is invaluable, health is wealth, and love is a treasure. Create a nest egg of beautiful memories that you can dip into from time to time to ease any sorrows. Have the kind of remembrances that raise you up with their worth and keep you there with their wonder. Always have a secret supply of hopes on hand to help you plan your tomorrows. Remember that when you invest in your dreams it is impossible to overpay. Give away smiles, and watch them come back to you a hundred times over. Stuff your pockets with kindness and optimism; there is nothing more precious in the world. I'm sharing this advice with you today because you are an important piece in the puzzle of my life. Written By: Author Unknown I hope you have an amazing day today and always!

And now aPOEM A clothesline was a news forecast, to neighbors passing by, there were no secrets you could keep, when clothes were hung to dry. It also was a friendly link, for neighbors always knew if company had stopped on by, to spend a night or two. For then you'd see the "fancy sheets", and towels upon the line; you'd see the "company table cloths", with intricate designs. The line announced a baby's birth, from folks who lived inside, as brand new infant clothes were hung, so carefully with pride! The ages of the children could, so readily be known by watching how the sizes changed; you'd know how much they'd grown! It also told when illness struck, as extra sheets were hung; then night clothes and a bathrobe too, haphazardly were strung. It also said, "On vacation now", when lines hung limp and bare. It told, "We’re back!" when full lines sagged, with not an inch to spare! New folks in town were scorned upon, if wash was dingy and gray, as neighbors carefully raised their brows, and looked the other way. But clotheslines now are of the past, for dryers make work much less. Now what goes on inside a home is anybody's guess! I really miss that way of life, it was a friendly sign when neighbors knew each other best...by what hung out on that line.

Remembering Mom's ClotheslineThere is one thing that's left out. We had a long wooden pole (clothes pole) that was used to push the clotheslines up so that longer items (sheets/pants/etc.) didn't brush the ground and get dirty. You have to be a "certain age" to appreciate this one... (But you YOUNGER ones can read about “The GOOD ol' days"!) I can hear my mother now. THE BASIC RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES:1. You had to hang the socks by the toes...NOT the top. 2. You hung pants by the BOTTOM/cuffs...NOT the waistbands. 3. You had to WASH the clothesline(s) before hanging any clothes - walk the entire length of each line with a damp cloth around the lines. 4. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first. 5. You NEVER hung a shirt by the shoulders - always by the tail! What would the neighbors think? 6. Wash day on a Monday! NEVER hang clothes on the weekend, or on Sunday, for Heaven's sake! 7. Hang the sheets and towels on the OUTSIDE lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!) 8. It didn't matter if it was sub-zero weather... clothes would "freeze-dry." 9. ALWAYS gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were "tacky"! 10. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item. 11. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed. 12. IRONED???!! Well, that's a whole 'NOTHER subject!

  A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. He says, 'I'm doing some research for Vaseline." Have you ever used the product?' She says, 'Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.' 'And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for? 'We use it for sex.' The researcher was a little taken back. 'Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?' The woman says, 'I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.' And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke!

  I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think. You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.' I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it 'Pumping Rust'. I've got that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest has fallen into your drawers! When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!' Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'! I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve. Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life,  Because Life is a journey to be savored!!!

  Immortal One-Liner Old accountants never die; they just lose their balance. My husband leaves the water running the entire time he shaves, brushes his teeth, and does the dishes. It drives me crazy seeing water being wasted like that! I’ve tried asking him to stop, but that gets me nowhere. Please help! Special Karaoke At the restaurant, a sign read "Karaoke Tonight!" Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that?" On Retirement Time Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. "I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. "All I know is, the day the big paper comes, I have to dress up and go to church." In Memoriam Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. “Yes,” says Sally, “a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But Larry’s still alive.” “I know, but his hair is gone.” Senior Lingo Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Beta-blockers LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low! The Problem With Jury Duty Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called the clerk’s office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said. "But I filled them out last year," she replied. "You have to fill them out every year." "Why? Do you think I’m getting younger?" Dream Home We’d finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "I’m afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. My middle-aged wife put him at ease. "Don’t worry," she said. "They’ll only look once." The Woes of Aging The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. "You know you’re past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair." Clicking Into Place "Everything’s starting to click for me!" said my father-in-law at dinner. "My knees, my elbows, my neck … " Teeth Cleaning The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. "Cool, Grandma!" he said. "Now take off your arm." Birds of a Feather I knew that my husband’s hearing had deteriorated after our friend—new to the city— asked where he could meet some singles. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries." "Dear," I intervened. "Singles, not seagulls." Keeping Up Appearances An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. On the memo line, she’d written, "Repairs." Trio of Gifts In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. "So was Santa good to you?" she asked. "Real good," he said. "I got an SUV." "Nice." "Yeah … Socks, Underwear, and Viagra." Empty Threat Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "I’m so mad, I’m taking you off my pallbearer list!"

  ________________________________   Subject:New exam for the elderly !!!   >I'm only sending this to the brightest of my elderly friends! >This test will keep that dreaded disease that effects your memory at bay! >  >New Senior's Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass. >1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? >2) Which country makes Panama hats? >3) From which animal do we get cat gut? >4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? >5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? >6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? >7) What was King George VI's first name? >8) What color is a purple finch? >9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? >10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? >Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass. >Check your answers below .... >  >  >  >ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ >1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years >2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador >3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses >4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?November >5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur >6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? >Dogs >7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert >8 ) What color is a purple finch? Crimson >9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand >10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? >Orange (of course) >What do you mean, you failed? >Me, too! >(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!) >Pass this on to your brilliant friends. >  >================ >  >  > 

WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS: I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad." I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.

  >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> From The London Times: >>>  >>>A Well-Planned Retirement >>> >>> >>>Outside England ’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant.....The fees for cars ($1.40),for buses (about $7). >>> >>>Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work,he just didn't show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo's own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee. >>>The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll. >>> >>>Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who'd apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars......andno one even knows his name. >>>I think this is my favorite e-mail ever! >>> >>>> >>>> >>>>

    >________________________________ > > > > >>________________________________ >> >> >>Chicken Surprise >>  >>A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the Chicken Surprise... the waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. >> >> >>Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. >> >>Good grief, did you see that? she asks her husband. He hadn`t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. >> >> >>Please sir, says the waiter, what you order? >>  >> >> >>The husband replies, Chicken Surprise. >> >> >>(You’re going to love this, and you’re going to hate yourself for loving it!...) >>  >>Ah! So solly,says the waiter, >>I bring you Peeking Duck . >> >> > > > > > >

  1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless bystanders to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation—on a plane, train, bus, cab, or at a restaurant—spare them. We are just not interested, you boorish twit. 2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play "La Cucaracha" every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees' "Stayin' Alive," or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that your phone goes off every other second? In addition, any phone that announces "INCOMING CALL" should be tossed in a toilet. 3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances, in theaters, during speeches and meetings, family dinners, at weddings and funerals and on first dates. 4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. Techno-jockeys attempting to look like they are carrying Batman utility belts are not cool. 5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. This madness must stop. Put the phone down and just drive. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering driving a vehicle by itself. 6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece in the presence of thy friends and coworkers. This is similar to wearing headphones connected to a CD player—it's just rude. 7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. Phones have sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where you can tell if someone is calling from a mobile phone simply by their volume of speaking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help. 8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, an addictive dependency on being constantly "in touch" is not healthy. At work, go nuts.  Away from work, give it (and the rest of us) a rest. 9. Thou shalt not display thy cell phone on a restaurant table just in case it may ring. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of five-card stud in a Dodge City saloon. Be a little less conspicuous. If it rings, you'll hear it just as easily if it's in your pocket, purse or "holster." 10. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy mobile phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive (unless, of course, it's one of those really cool new phones with the space-age "Matrix" design, interchangeable multi-colored face with a laser-linked heads-up viewer and solar battery charger), but when it is used to impress, said user shall be immediately identified as a jerk.

  Every Wife is a "Mistress" for her Husband. "Miss" for one hour & "Stress" for the rest 23 hours!   There are 2 times when a Man doesn't understand a Woman. Before Marriage and After Marriage.   My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences. He Thought He Was God, and I Didn't.   Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet. Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.   Why Hurricanes Were Usually Named After Women? Because When They Arrive, They're wet and wild, But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car...     A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, "Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry's Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I'm Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?" "Relax," Says The Doctor, "Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry's Bar?"   Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife's Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target... From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing? Husband: "MISSING YOU"    A Man Goes To See The Rabbi.   "Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It." The Rabbi Asked, "What's Wrong?" The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me." The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what I should do?" The Rabbi Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I'll See What I Can Find out and I'll Let You Know." The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, "Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?" The Man Said "Yes" The Rabbi Replied, "Take the poison"   THOUGHT FOR THE DAY... Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to and touched often. But push the wrong button and you're disconnected.   Difference Between Complete & Finish... People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is...When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE...And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED...And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!      Which is the most Dangerous Letter in English?   The Answer is "W"...as in Wrong   "W" is a tension generator because all the worries and troubles get begins with "W"...   Who? Why? What? When? Which? Whom? Where?   War... Wine... Whisky... Women...Wealth   You have to accept this:   WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.......WIFE.   There are 3 kinds of men in the world:   Some remain single & make wonders happen, Some have girlfriends & see wonders happen, The rest get married & wonder what happened!?

   A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.  However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.  Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.  Written in large black letters was the sentence: 'Get well soon...from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.' 

Beware of Companies With These Hiring Slogans: "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you. "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up. "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind on your first day. "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some each night and some each weekend. "DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around. "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE SO - ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS. ~~Your kids are becoming you~~......but your grandchildren are 'perfect' ~Going out is good~.. Coming home is better! ~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!! ~ You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... especially golf. ~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore. ~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed (amen) It's called "pre-sleep". ~ You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.. ~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ??? ~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere. ~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!! ~What used to be freckles are now liver spots. ~Everybody whispers. ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear. ~~~ But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! Stay well, "OLD FRIENDS!" It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived.

  You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. >>>>>  >>>>>But, here it is... the 'winter' of my life and it catches me by surprise. >>>>> >>>>>   How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. >>>>>  >>>>>But, here it is...my friends are retired and getting grey...they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change...Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit! >>>>>  >>>>>And so...now I enter into this new 'season' of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the 'winter' has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over on this earth...its over. A new adventure will begin! >>>>>  >>>>>Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. >>>>> >>>>> It's all in a lifetime. >>>>>  >>>>>So, if you're not in your 'winter' yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember...and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!! >>>>> >>>>>"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic.  LIVE IT WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY ! HAVE A GREAT DAY Remember "It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver. >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>  >>>>>  >>>>>  >>>>>  >>>>>  >>>>> >>>>>  >>  >>  >> >> >>____________________________________________________________ >> >>