The 3 Goldberg brothers, Norman, Hyman, and Max invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17th, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97º. The 3 brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that 3 gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car which was about 130º, turned on the air-conditioner and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them 3 million dollars for the patent. The brothers refused saying they would settle for 2 million but they wanted the recognition by having a label "The Goldberg Air-Conditioner" on the dashboard of each car that it was installed in. Now old man Ford was more than just a little bit Anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on 2 million Ford cars. They haggled back and forth for about 2 hours and finally agreed on 4 million dollars and that just their first names would be shown. And so, even today, all Ford air-conditioners show on the controls the names "Norm, Hi, & Max". This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1347 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A woman, married three times, walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color are you looking for?" The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil." The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?" "Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, "I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel. My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again." "What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk. "That one was a Democrat," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened..." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gas prices getting you down? Search AOL Autos for fuel-efficient used cars. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It’s a talkathon – but it’s not just talk. Check out the i’m Talkathon. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1347 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

A speech is like a wheel - the longer the spoke - the greater the tire. A spoken word is like a sparrow - once it flies out you cannot catch it. A word of advice - don't give it. An alarm clock is a small device used to wake up people who have no children at home. An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame. Anybody who knows everything should be told a thing or two. Anyone who says that truth is stranger than fiction has never heard a teenager explaining his 3:30 A.M. arrival home. A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even when they know you're a bit cracked. A gentleman farmer is one who has more hay in the bank than in the barn. A good time to keep you mouth shut is when you're in deep water. A good many childhood ailments are cured miraculously as soon as it's too late to go to school. A half-truth is usually less than half of that. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Get the scoop on last night's hottest shows and the live music scene in your area - Check out TourTracker.com! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1347 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

AOL is running a story today about people who believe the world will end on Dec 21, 2012. They are basing this on the Mayan "long count" calendar. How stupid. I want everyone to relax. The world will not end that day. It will end, Dec 27, 2014.

New use for Windex I haven't checked '_ snopes.com_ (http://snopes.com/) ' to see if this actually works or not ; But they say, If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked, you should drink some Windex first. It'll keep you from streaking. Have a Great Day! I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 2226 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Try SPAMfighter for free now! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1332 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Golf Balls A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and Sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. > The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. > Finally, after many such glances from her, he simply said, 'It's golf Balls'. > > Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, Deeply thinking about what he had said. > After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, She asked; > 'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Gas prices getting you down? Search AOL Autos for fuel-efficient used cars. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Need to know now? Get instant answers with Windows Live Messenger. IM on your terms. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1332 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

-------------- Subj: Farmer John John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.> The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible! Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1332 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

   With the 4th coming up, remember this...                        He who buys a fifth on the fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!

BLOOD PRESSURE MACHINE March 17, 2000 I was in the drug store waiting for my prescription to filled, when I saw a free blood pressure machine in the corner. I thought what the heck, as long as I have to wait, I'll see what my blood pressure is. You step on the scale to be weighed and stick your arm in this automated cuff thing and to my surprise, a really LOUD voice says "YOU WEIGH ----LBS." The cuff around my arm had been inflating and I couldn't get it out, the voice says "YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE IS---OVER----, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR" Did you ever feel so embarrassed you wanted to sink into the ground? Well, I would have except the cuff is still inflated around my arm and won't let go. Everyone is staring at me and I am stuck on this machine. I kept waiting for the air to go out of the cuff, but it stayed inflated. I finally had to ask someone to go tell the pharmacy man to come and get me loose. He had to un-plug the machine to do it. By then my pills were ready and I promptly left with a red face. Needless to say, I changed my prescription to another pharmacy and will never go back there again. (I'm afraid some one might recognize me)

Don't anyone get up tight, it's only a humor thing. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Children's Books That Didn't Make the Cut: --------------------------------------------------------------- 1. You Are Different and That's Bad 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables 3. Dad's New Wife Robert 4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share 5 Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book 6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking 7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her 8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence 9.All Cats Go to Hell 10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched 11. Some Kittens Can Fly. 12. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption 13. Grandpa Gets a Casket 14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator 15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia 16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy 17. Strangers Have the Best Candy 18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way 19. You Were an Accident 20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will 21. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games 22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan 23. Your Nightmares Are Real 24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried? 25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School 26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? 27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things 28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry Dianne Heryford EarthLink Revolves Around You.

If anyone wonders why these are dated, it's when I wrote it. Baseball Cards August 1, 2004 I remember the days back in 1980 something that we went through a baseball card phase. My son had a lot of old baseball cards that were tied up in rubber bands and thrown in his junk drawer. One day while cleaning them out, I decided to put them in some kind of order. We found out he had quite a few old ones plus almost a full set of 1987 TOPPS baseball cards. My sister in law, Sandy has 3 boys and she got out their cards. We sorted cards day and night putting them in team order then in order by number. There were cards everywhere, all over the rug, all over the tables. My sister in law and I knew this dorky guy at the corner store, that we flirted shamelessly with, in order for him to get us some cases of wax packs at wholesale prices. Between the two of us we had made several full sets of cards. Then we had to have the FLEER set and the DONRUSS set. I still have unopened wax packs from 1987 on the top shelf of the closet. Don't forget, I then had to have the R! OOKIE set. It was getting too complicated. So every year after that I just bought Rick a complete set for Easter or Christmas or his Birthday. I have so many common cards stored out in the barn in about 6 boxes that I should just address them to an address and put a phony address on the return label and take them down to UPS and ship them to parts unknown.. But you know what, I just can't part with them, knowing how much fun it was to get them. Some day when I think he is responsible enough I will give them to him. <laughing> After all, he is only 41.

Banning the Cell Phone As of July 1st, we have to have hands free cell phones. They say it's too much of a distraction.We can still dial the thing ,which is more of a distraction to me than talking while driving, . The lawmakers, having nothing else to worry about, are going to stop people from talking on the phone while they drive. If they want to ban something that is a distraction while you drive, they should ban all kids from cars while their parents are driving,. If they wanted to pull someone over for a distraction from driving, they could pull over my daughter's mini van, and my daughter in law's car, whenever they hit the road. Between handing water cups back to kids, picking them up off the floor and handing them back again, taking the pickles off the hamburger, wiping up a spilled drink with whatever is handy on the floor, taking the power ranger sword from Max to keep him from dissecting his sister, looking at whatever it is that is on the end of his finger, looking at what she ! did at school, then putting music on for them, etc. Kids are the worst distraction than anything. But I bet you will never see a ban on them in cars. If we had to pull over for every distraction of theirs, we would never spend any time on the road.

The Answer Machine. Do you remember the first time you had to set up your answer machine, and you had to leave a message on it for others to hear? Was it embarrassing? Did you feel terrified of the machine? Well today my daughter and I were trying to leave a message on one, and my tongue twisted, I forgot half the words, everything went wrong. We should have had a camera set up so we could make takes of this procedure. I never laughed so hard, and usually half way through the message. About 20 times, I said, " let's do it over" Finally got a message on there, but it doesn't sound like me. I sound like a hard boiled intensive care nurse. (You called, I'm not here, leave a message) so intelligent sounding. I had a book with all sorts of messages you can put on your message machine, but my niece borrowed it 4 years ago, haven't seen it since.

Swiss Army ? Pocket Knife June15, 2002 After writing that little story about my grandson looking like the summer version of the swiss army knife when he goes swimming, made me think about the Swiss Army and it's pocket knife. When you list your great armies of the world, correct me if I'm wrong, but the Swiss don't come to mind . In fact, as far as armies go, "Cross our borders and we will clean your clock" - is not the sort of war cry that puts the fear of God into your average Russkie. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing. Any country whose priorities lie rooted in the notion that yodeling sounds beautiful, can't be all bad. So taking their somewhat laid back attitudes towards defense as fact, who the hell are they trying to fool by marketing a product known proudly around the world as the Swiss Army pocket knife? Let's face it, if we're honest, even the word "knife" is possibly a bit of an overstatement. Gnarly vegetable peeler, or oversized lint tackler are both probably closer to the mark. The bastard can't even cut cheese, let alone bring down a grizzly. And the cluster of add-ons makes you wonder what the inventor was "SMOKING" when the prototype was in its development stage. The magnifying glass is about as useful as the Catholic Priest's guide to celibacy, . The toothpick is far too fat, and the fish scaler, well, less said about that the better. Credit where credit is due - the cork screw and the bottle opener are handy additions to a list heavily leaning toward the useless. So you can see that your Swiss Army Pocket Knife owner is not likely to try and bring down a Yak with their bare teeth. . The Swiss Army Pocket Knife bridges the gap between the dull hunting knife and the butter knife, all with a pretty red wrapper. .

Swiss Army Pocket Knife May 30, 2002 My daughter Jill and the kids came over to swim today, Max , who is two years old, had on this little outfit that makes him bob instead of sink, it looks kinda like they had taken a beachball and cut little holes for his head, arms and legs. He gets in the water, and has a little beach hat on, along with spider man swimmies, wearing the beachball thing, he is holding a little kickboard in one hand and a swim noodle with a dragon head on it between his legs and holding the skimmer net for the pool. All he needed to look like a complete dork was swim goggles. We did get a picture. He kinda looked like a summer version of a Swiss army pocket knife.. (something for everything)

ALL ABOUT AGE Age is a funny thing when you think about it ... Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" . . . "I'm 4 -1/2." You're never 36 -1/2 . . .You're 4 -1/2 going on 5! You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. "How old are you?" . . . "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12 . . . but you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life happens . . . you become 21! But you see, even the words sounds like a ceremony. You BECOME 21 . . .YES!!!! But then you turn 30. Ooohhh! ... what happened there?? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed??? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, now you're PUSHING 40. "Stay over there . . . it's all slipping away." You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50. "My dreams are gone." You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 and then you MAKE IT to 60. "I didn't think I'd make it!" You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, You're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60. By then you build up so much speed . . .You HIT 70!!! After that, it's a day by day thing. After that you HIT Wednesday. You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. And it doesn't end there ... Into the 90's, you start going backwards . . . "I was JUST 92." Then a strange thing happens . . . if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again! "I'm 100 and a half!!!" Enjoy your age ...whatever it is!!! Dianne Heryford EarthLink Revolves Around You.

what makes you think you are not subscribed? because there is nothing coming through on the list??? I am afraid to post anything, the people really come out when I post anything,.. they think I have no sense of humor > [Original Message] > From: James Belknap <[email protected]> > To: <[email protected]> > Date: 6/27/2008 5:46:42 AM > Subject: [GENHUMOR] Query > > Am I still subscribed to the list? > James H. Belknap > [email protected] > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message

Hi, James! I think you are!!! :) Bonnie On 6/27/08 8:46 AM, "James Belknap" <[email protected]> wrote: > Am I still subscribed to the list? > James H. Belknap > [email protected] > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes > in the subject and the body of the message

Am I still subscribed to the list? James H. Belknap [email protected]

Super Market Surround Sounds A new supermarket near my house has an automatic water mister to keep produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and breathe in the aroma of chocolate milk. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. The veggie department features the sound of a gentle breeze and the smell of fresh buttered corn. I don't buy toilet paper there any more. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for private users. It has removed 1283 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len