AOL Email Thunderstorms A Child's View of Thunderstorms...... A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning. The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along. At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile. When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her 'What are you doing?' The child answered, I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture.' May God bless you today and everyday as you face the storms that come your way. Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1624 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

A very young couple exhibiting signs of extreme nervousness timidly approached the check-in desk of a large Manhattan hotel. "Good evening, sir," said the official behind the desk, favoring the young man with a perceptive wink. "Suite 16?" "Oh, no!" the young man responded quickly. "She's eighteen." ========= Goodbye Kiss Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted with giggles from the receptionist. "What are you laughing at?" asked Walter. "There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl. "Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife off on a month's vacation this morning. I took her to the station and kissed her goodbye." "But what about the smudge?" "As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine!" ======== Bill took Myrddin to a celebratory dinner at a really posh restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table by a formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a table on which were displayed the finest china and crystal. Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver napkin ring, Myrddin unfolded it, put it around his neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back. Staring at him, the maitre d' said, between gritted teeth, "Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1624 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

The penalty for jumping off a building is death. Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M. A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll. A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket. While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door. A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline. It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. Carmel A man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match. Greene During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks. New York You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building. Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers". Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing." Ocean City It is illegal for men to go topless in the center of town. It is illegal to eat in the street in residential neighborhoods, and the only beverage you can drink on the beach is water in a clear plastic bottle. Staten Island It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior." You may only water your lawn if the hose is held in your hand. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1624 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?" The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit." The doctor replied, "My point exactly." ========================================================================= =

Girlie Wisdom! Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrin ks 2 sizes! Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ......Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat! The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day! "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth" -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Don't grow too old for birthdays And fun things you used to do. Don't give up your dreams because you feel they won't come true. Don't forget the sound of laughter Or the love in someone's eyes. Don't trade memories for pleasures; All that in a moment dies. Don't give up your zest for living, saying you are much too old. Is this what you feel, or is it something that you've been told. There's a valley deep within us where there is eternal Spring. Where there is no sound of sorrow And the birds forever sing. Though your gait is not as steady now as once it used to be. And your vision's clouding over Things you used to clearly see. Do not let the weight of decades Turn you into bitter gall. For with age there comes a wisdom That's a blessing to us all. Hold your years up like a banner Wave it brightly in the sun. When folks tell you life is over, Tell them it has just begun. Loneliness can never touch you If you don't allow it to. And in sharing love with others God will give it back to you! ~Author Unknown~ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

----- Original Message ----- From: "Edna Wakeham" <[email protected]> To: "GenHumor" <[email protected]> Sent: Saturday, September 13, 2008 2:35 PM Subject: [GENHUMOR] The dress (SUZ) > > > > Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could > dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. > Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the > Best Dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! > A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's > new Young wife had bought the exact same dress! > Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely > not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm Wearing it,' she > replied. > Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind > sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' > A few days later, they went shopping and did find another > gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, > > 'Aren't you going to return the Other dress? You really don't > have another occasion where you could wear it. > Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm > wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.' > NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO > WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?!!! > > > > > > > > > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the > latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. > > -- > I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. > SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. > Paying users do not have this message in their emails. > Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the > quotes in the subject and the body of the message >

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the Best Dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new Young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm Wearing it,' she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day.' A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the Other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it. Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.' NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

LIFE is sometimes difficult, and sometimes not. The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. It's not true that life is one darn thing after another; it is one darn thing over and over. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. It's funny how life has a way of making itself work out no matter what you seem to think it should be. When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. ~Chinese Proverb Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. [Well, I eat guacamole with hot peppers in it.] Life - we are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse. ~Author Unknown Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. ~Grandma Moses -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES 1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP. 2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK. 3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER. 4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON. 5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH. 6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE. 7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

The Old Gas Station The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick. Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they, The log across the rill Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. 'Where is the ladies restroom, sir?' The owner leaning back, Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute, Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car. Just like three gals before. She tripped and fell -- got up, And then in obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. He'd wait until the gals got set and then the devilish guy, Would stop his whittling long enough, to speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below struck terror, fright and fear 'Will you please use the other hole? We're painting under here' Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 2668 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Try SPAMfighter for free now! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Apples, Oranges, Cantaloupe, and Pie - Pumpernickel, Zucchini, Banana, and Rye - Wings, legs, Breast and the Thigh - Onion Rings, Cheese Sticks, Hash Browns, and Fries. Food for the Body - You Can't Deny. Grace, Never Ending Love, Mercy and Peace; A Table Prepared with Good News to Each. Sharing Burdens, A Weight of Release. Hearts United, No Longer Diseased. Food for the Soul - A Heavenly Feast. Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

A fellow and his wife living in Houston, Texas, where the people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife, "We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of allegiance". His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are going to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane". Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compromise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth. As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling tricks on people who couldn't tell them apart. Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never sure which one he was with. He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn't sure which one he would marry. He went to the girls father and explained his quandary. "I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I can't tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you. Give me Liberty or give me Beth." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1613 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

They are all posted on Rootsweb. Edna -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1610 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Hello, There was 'nother funny years ago about someone wantin' dirt for their kids science project... **************Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. (http://www.stylelist.com/trends?ncid=aolsty00050000000014)

STAY!!!! I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Walmart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!" The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?" See AOL's top rated recipes and easy ways to stay in shape for winter. Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1609 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

AOL Email Overly Suspicious Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1609 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

AOL Email Phrases of Wisdom - Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. - Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. - No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. - A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. - Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. - Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. - Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. - There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. - Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. - By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. - Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. - Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. - Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. Out of Printer Ink? Order Quality Ink from 411Inkjets Today and Save! FREE* Shipping on all orders over $55! 1 Year Guarantee* on all products! We carry Ink & Toner for these printer brands: HP, Canon, Epson, Lexmark & more! >>CLICK HERE<< -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1609 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

What's happened to cars of today? Why do they make them that way? Loaded up from stem to stern With gadgets no one can learn. There are computers that cost a lot To tell us if we are lost or not, Television to entertain as we go And a voice to warn when gas is low. There are games and movies on CD Displayed on a screen for all to see And six-way power seats that recline With a heater to warm our behinds. There are telephones if we wish to chat And a computer will tell us where we're at. There is climate control front and rear And earphones so the kids can hear. Knobs and buttons clutter up the dash And there are airbags in case we crash. Five gears forward and one for reverse And complicated gizmos make us curse. There are scads of cars from which to pick And the cost of buying can make us sick, They keep adding things we don't need Driving the price up to satisfy greed. Why can't they make cars like yesteryear That will simply get you from there to here, Without the equipment we don't want or need And a price tag that doesn't make us bleed.

Emma's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him. "You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side." ? "And you know what?" "What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself. "I think you're bad luck."