Texting Banned While Driving Sept. 23, 2008 Oh my god! I don't believe it. Our Governor in California has banned texting on cell phones while driving.. How am I going to keep up with my BFF. (best friend forever) <laughing. How funny we have to have a law to tell us that. It's like saying , "don't field dress a wild yak while driving" , or "don't drive if you are blind". I have seen people reading a map, putting on make-up, dressing, kissing their dog, eating a hamburger and drinking a shake while driving. But texting? It should be a given No No. I know hundreds of people do it, the kids say the can text with out even looking at the phone. I couldn't text if the car was parked in the driveway and I was the passenger. I just learned how to do the cell phone while driving and they took that away from me, thank god for the speaker phone part of it. I know, I know, I can't hold it in my hand while the speaker phone is on. I lay it on the seat.

A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing," his mother asked? "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal." == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing. The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt and bra off, and throws herself on him. "Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Iron this." == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == Parking Spaces A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == == ¤ == In Florida, an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter & Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews & observances of their holy days. The argument was it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized day(s). The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring, 'Case dismissed.' The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, 'Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter & others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur & Hanukkah. Yet my client & all other atheists have no such holidays.' The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, 'But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant.' The lawyer said, 'Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists. The judge said, 'The calendar says April 1st is 'April Fools Day.' Psalm 14:1 states 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.' Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned.

Girlie Wisdom! Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.? One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knicker's. Amazing!? You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrin ks 2 sizes! Skinny people irritate me!? Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' ......Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat.? You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat! The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding?? That's my idea of a perfect day!

Subject: LOL! Proof reading--A dying art Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says No, really? Ya think? Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! ----------------------------------------------------------- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! --------------------------------------------------------------- Miners Refuse to Work after Death No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! ------------------------------------------------------ Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial! ---------------------------------------------------------- War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! ---------------------------------------------------------------- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! ---------------------------------------------------------------- Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction program! ---------------------------------------------------------- Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! ---------------------------------------------- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Weren't they fat enough?! ----------------------------------------------- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! ------------------------------------------------- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken?**************************************** Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! *************************************************** Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! ******************************************* And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right? *************************************************** -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1647 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ____________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. ____________________________________________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. __________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! ____________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _______________________________________ TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' _________________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand. ______________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. ___________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1647 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everybody take an instant dislike to me ?" Larry responded, "It saves time." ========= My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone. Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line." -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1647 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? THINGS TO THINK ABOUT 1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children. 3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young. 4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said . 5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own 6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in. ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day! AND FINALLY: IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: 'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN'? ............AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!!

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was ' DON'T!' 'Don't what? ' Adam replied. 'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.' God said. 'Forbidden fruit?We have forbidden fruit?? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!' 'No Way!' 'Yes way!' 'Do NOT eat the fruit" said God.? 'Why not? ' 'Because I am your father and I said so!' God replied, wondering why had hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minuts later, God saw His children having an apple break and was He ticked! 'Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?' God asked. 'Uh huh,'? Adam replied. 'Then why did you do it?' said the Father. 'I don't know,'? said Eve. 'She started it', Adam said. 'Did not'! 'DID TOO!'? 'Did Not!'??? Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?""The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life. The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!" Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."?The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup." ?A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, "They couldn't get a babysitter." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded,"I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." ?Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."

AOL Email Comments Made in the Year 1955! That's only 53 years ago! 'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.' 'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.' 'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous. "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?' 'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.' 'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.' 'Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls.' 'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL of DAMN in it.' 'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .' 'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.' 'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.' 'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.' 'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.' 'Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more, those Hollywood stars seem to be getting divorced at the drop of a hat.' 'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.' 'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.' 'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.' 'There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.' 'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.' 'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it.' Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1633 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1633 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.' 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.' 17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. 19. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large. 20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 21. A backward poet writes in-verse. 22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1633 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00 A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Citibank : 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member : 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.' Citibank : 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.' Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' Citibank : 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!' Family Member : 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Citibank: 'Excuse me?' Family Member : 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?' Citibank : 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member : 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.' Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member : 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' Citibank : (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?' Family Member : 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given) Citibank: ' Could you fax us a certificate of death?' Family Member : 'Sure.' (Fax number was given ) After they get the fax : Citibank : 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member : 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not , you could just keep billing her She won't care.' Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?) Family Member : ' Would you like her new billing address?' Citibank : 'That might help...' Family Member : ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.' Citibank : 'Sir, that's a cemetery !' Family Member : 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet??? -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1633 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Actually, you can make this stuff up...... see : http://www.snopes.com/horrors/cannibal/cocaine.asp -------------- Original message -------------- From: "Edna Wakeham" <[email protected]> You just can't make this stuff up!! > > When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was > burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and > even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was "a generic white > cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder." At least that's the way the > police report described it. A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that > "it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit > the big time." > > Later, Nathan stood in front of the numerous TV cameras and > pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, > Gertrude. She died three years ago." > > The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug > dealer known as, Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard > box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. > > Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie > sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No > hard feelings. > > Have a nice day." > > > > > > -- > Make my body feel your soul through your music. > ~EK > > > > -- > Life Is Good-Enjoy > > > > > > -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here. > > -- > I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. > SPAMfighter has removed 1628 spam emails to date. > Paying users do not have this message in their emails. > Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in > the subject and the body of the message

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull . But that's not the worst of it: My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close. My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather. My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently. But here IS?the worst of it --- Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter. ....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

You just can't make this stuff up!! When southern Florida resident Nathan Radlich's house was burglarized recently, thieves ignored his wide screen plasma TV, his VCR, and even left his Rolex watch. What they did take, however, was "a generic white cardboard box filled with a grayish-white powder." At least that's the way the police report described it. A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said that "it looked similar to high grade cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time." Later, Nathan stood in front of the numerous TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago." The next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a local drug dealer known as, Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. Scotch taped to the box was this note which said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day." -- Make my body feel your soul through your music. ~EK -- Life Is Good-Enjoy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel deal here. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1628 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

And They Ask Why I Like Retirement !!! Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes. Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal . Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answer: The never ending Coffee Break. Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. And, my very favorite.... QUESTION: What do you do all week? Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest. SERENITY Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1628 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

DRESS CODE FOR 50 + Many of us over 50, WAY over 50, or on the way to 50 are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions. Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided: 1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirts and support hose 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 6. Speedo's and cellulite 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist 11. Bikinis and liver spots 12. Short shorts and varicose veins 13. Inline skates and a walker And the ultimate 'Bad Taste' in fashion for the 'Older folks'..................... 14. Thongs and Depends Please keep these basic guidelines foremost in your mind when you shop. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1628 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Remember...a layer of dust protects the Wood beneath it. 'A house becomes a home when you can write 'I love you' on the furniture.' I used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just perfect - 'in case someone came over'. Finally I realized one day that no one came over; they were all out living life and having fun! NOW, when people visit, I don't have to explain the 'condition' of my home They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away living life and having fun. If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice. Life is short. Enjoy it! Dust if you must ....... But wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter , Bake cookies or a cake and lick the spoon or plant a seed, Ponder the difference between want and need? Dust if you must, but there's not much time . . . . With beer to drink , rivers to swim and mountains to climb , Music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead. Dust if you must, But the world's out there with the sun in your eyes, The wind in your hair, A flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come around, again. Dust if you must , But bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind. . . And when you go - and go you must - you, yourself will make more dust It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1624 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

AOL Email) GOD and the Scientist God is sitting in Heaven when a scientist says to Him, “Lord, we don't need you anymore. Science has finally figured out a way to create life out of nothing. In other words, we can now do what you did in the 'beginning'.” “Oh, is that so? Tell me”, replies God. “Well', says the scientist, “we can take dirt and form it into the likeness of you and breathe life into it, thus creating man.” “Well, that's interesting. Show Me.” So the scientist bends down to the earth and starts to mold the soil. “Oh no, no, no...” interrupts God, (I love this part) “Get your own dirt.” Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com.