Drama Class vs Agriculture Class Sept. 25, 2008 My grand daughter Alix is in the 6th grade and they have electives that they can take for one period. Alix chose Drama because Photography was full. If they didn't like the class, they had a week to change. She stayed in, but one of the girls decided to change to Agriculture. I said, "what is she going to do raise a yak?" Alix said she didn't know what they did in Ag, so at the volley ball game today we asked her mom about her daughter changing out of drama class,, She said, "yes, drama just wasn't her, so she changed to ag and today they talked about cutting the gonads off a bull". leave it to me and my tourettes syndrome, my daughter says I have, and I promptly exclaimed, "Holy crap, they are going to learn castration in Ag class? I guess that will come in handy for her husband to know after she gets married." "Drama," I said, "that would be more dramatic for me than the drama class." my daughter Jill is poking me and under my breathe I am muttering to myself, "that's something that would look good on a resume' " "Knows how to castrate" <laughing> I wonder if they are actually going out to the field and practice this fine art of de-balling. I think Alix better stick with the Drama Class.

Texting Banned While Driving Sept. 26, 2008 OMG! I don't believe it. Our Governor in California has banned Texting on cell phones while driving.. How am I going to keep up with my BFF. (Best Friend Forever) <laughing. How funny we have to have a law to tell us that. It's like saying don't field dress a deer while driving, or don't drive if you are blind .I have seen people reading a map, putting on makeup, dressing, kissing their dog, and eating a hamburger while driving. But texting? wouldn't everyone already know that??? I guess not, some kids today say they can text without even looking at the phone. I just learned how to use the cellphone while driving and they took that away from me, thank god for the speaker phone part of it. I know, I know, I can't hold it in my hand while the speaker phone is on. I lay it on the seat. I couldn't text if the car was in the driveway and I was the passenger.

A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1673 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming. Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason 'why this couple should not be married'. His reception wasn't disrupted by streakers or smoke-bombs, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order. When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed. Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, "I'd like to order breakfast for two." At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, "Make that five." -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1673 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Remember.... Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed . I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put some in the food. ....If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all. Whatever hits the fan... Will Not Be Evenly Distributed. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some, like me, just don't have any film. I always know... God won't give me more than I can handle There are times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much. Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff If the shoe fits... buy a pair in every color. Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out. Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian. Not any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Bills travel through the mail... at twice the speed of checks. If you look like your passport picture... you probably need the trip. Some days are a total waste of makeup. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. Learn from the mistakes of others. Trust me... you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. I've tried!! Have A Wonderful Day! Hold your loved ones close, tell them you love them, for if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1673 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

An older couple is lying in bed one morning. They had just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.' 'Why not?' he asked. She answered, 'Because I'm dead.' The husband asked...'What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!' She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead...' He insisted, 'You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?' 'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.' ...... -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1673 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Rise above little things. Be a big thinker. You are what you think. So just think big, believe big, act big, dream big, work big, give big, forgive big, laugh big, image big, love big, live big. Carry that list and you'll start feeling big. Be a believer and you'll be an achiever! ~~unknown -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

As you teach, you learn. - Jewish Proverb A mother understands what a child does not say. - Jewish Proverb Don't look for more honor than your life merits. - Jewish Proverb Worries go down better with soup than without. - Jewish Proverb Don't live in a town where there are no doctors. - Jewish Proverb Do not be wise in words - be wise in deeds. - Jewish Proverb God couldn't be everywhere, so he created mothers - Jewish Proverb Pride is the mask of one's own faults. - Jewish Proverb Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. - Hal Borland Truth is the safest lie. - Jewish Proverb Never trust the man who tells you all his troubles but keeps from you all his joys. - Jewish Proverb Don't open a shop unless you know how to smile. - Jewish Proverb What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth. - Jewish Proverb Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. - Anonymous -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station. - Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? - If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? - Does fuzzy logic tickle? - If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery? - I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. - How come you never hear about gruntled employees? - How much faith does it take to be an atheist? - I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem. - If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of? - If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? - If atheists say there is no God, who do they think pops up the next Kleenex in the box? - Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? - I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom. - Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? - What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? - What WAS the best thing before sliced bread? ========== A typical American eats 28 pigs in his/her lifetime. Americans consumed over 3.1 billion pounds of chocolate in 2001, which is almost half of the total world's production. Americans spend approximately $25 billion each year on beer. Americans spent an estimated $267 billion dining out in 1993. An etiquette writer of the 1840’s advised, “Ladies may wipe their lips on the tablecloth, but not blow their noses on it.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Gen A person can make you feel high, A person can make you feel low. But only you can decide Which way you want to go. A person can hurt you mentally; A person can hurt you physically. But only you can place, A limit on your abilities. A person can cause drama, A person can cause a situation. But only you can create, Your own reputation. A person can make you laugh, A person can make you cry. But only you can make, Decisions for your life. I guess what I'm trying to say, That when you're living day to day. Don't live by what people do, But live by what you know is true. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Subject: Mother Superior 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. 'Mother,' the nuns asked with earnest, 'please give us some wisdom before you die. She raised herself up in bed and said, 'Don't sell that cow.' ____________________________________________________________ -------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Want to do more with Windows Live? Learn "10 hidden secrets" from Jamie. Learn Now -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!" ========== My broker called me this morning and said, "Remember that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to retire at age 65?" "Yes, I remember," I said. "Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is now 108." ========== A university professor went to visit a famous spiritual master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about his spiritual path. The master poured the visitor's cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's overfull! No more will go in!" the professor blurted. "You are like this cup," the master replied, "How can you absorb my teachings unless you first empty your cup." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

A Psychology professor was giving a lecture on Bi-Polar Disorder. "Let us establish some parameters," said the professor. "Now then, Bennett, what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," replied Bennett. "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Buston?" "Elation, sir." "And you Thomas, how about the opposite of woe?" "I believe that would be giddy-up, sir." ========== My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone. Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line." ========== So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Montana ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation" The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The Water Representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores. Soon the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life And close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs..."Show him your card!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1671 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over and said, 'Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun any more. For $5.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!' You're on!' said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill. The first old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. The smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd. What happened?' asked her waiting friend. 'I won 1st prize as Best Dried Arrangement.' -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1664 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

I dialed a number and got the following recording: 'I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes.' ~~~~~ Aspire to inspire before you expire. ~~~~~ My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine. ~~~~~ Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses. ~~~~~ Blessed are those who can give without remembering And take without forgetting. ~~~~~ The irony of life is that, by the time You're old enough to know your way Around, you're not going anywhere. ~~~~~ God made man before woman so as to give him time to think Of an answer for her first question. ~~~~~ I was always taught to respect my elders, But it keeps getting harder to find one. ~~~~~ Every morning is the dawn of a new error. ~~~~~ For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us....go ahead and delete this. Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1664 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

Dance in the Rain? It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly?gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed?from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an?appointment at 9:00 am. A nurse took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to?able to see him. She saw him looking at his watch and?decided, since she was not busy with another patient, she?would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so?she talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to? remove his sutures and redress his wound.?While taking care of his wound, she asked him if he had? another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in?such a hurry.? The gentleman told her no, that he needed to go to the?nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. The nurse?inquired as to her health.?He told her that she had been there for a while and that?she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As they talked, the nurse asked if his wife would be upset?if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had?not recognized him in five years now. The nurse was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still?go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you? are?' He smiled as he patted her hand and said, 'She?doesn't know me, but I still know who she is. The nurse had to hold back tears as he left, She had goose bumps on her arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love? I want in my life.' True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will?be, and will not be. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of?everything; they just make the best of everything they have.? Life isn't about how to survive the storm, But how to dance in the rain.

Whether we are Dem, Rep or Ind, I hope you'll get a kick out of this! A?young boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says, "Well, son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me the PRESIDENT. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the GOVERNMENT. We are here to take care of your needs, so we call you THE PEOPLE. The nanny, we will consider her the WORKING CLASS. And your baby brother - we will call him THE FUTURE. Now, think about that and see if it makes sense to? you." So the?young boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has just said. Later that night, the boy hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the?young boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." His father says, "Good, Son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The?young boy replies: THE PRESIDENT is scr--ing THE WORKING CLASS while THE GOVERNMENT is sound asleep. THE PEOPLE are being ignored and THE FUTURE is in deep poo poo!

AOL Email TO: God.COM Dear Lord, Every single evening As I'm lying here in bed, This tiny little Prayer Keeps running through my head: God bless all my family Wherever they may be, Keep them warm And safe from harm For they're so close to me. And God, there is one more thing I wish that you could do; Hope you don't mind me asking, Please bless my computer too. Now I know that it's unusual To Bless a motherboard, But listen just a second While I explain it to you, Lord. You see, that little metal box Holds more than odds and ends; Inside those small compartments Rest so many of my friends. I know so much about them By the kindness that they give, And this little scrap of metal Takes me in to where they live. By faith is how I know them Much the same as you. We share in what life brings us And from that our friendships grew. Please take an extra minute >From your duties up above, To bless those in my address book That's filled with so much love. Wherever else this prayer may reach To each and every friend, Bless each e-mail inbox And each person who hits 'send'. When you update your Heavenly list On your own Great CD-ROM, Bless everyone who says this prayer Sent up to GOD.Com Amen No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.6.20/1666 - Release Date: 9/11/2008 7:03 AM No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.7.1/1686 - Release Date: 9/23/2008 7:38 AM Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1656 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

The power of Alcohol A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooosh! 20 Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant 'Take another drink!' The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay . Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearl y unimpressed by the amazing scenes. By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief . The bartender sighs and says, * * (Wait for it) * * * (It's coming) * * (Ya ready?) * * * (Don't hate me) * * * (Yer gonna hate me) * * * (Take a deep breath) * * * 'He should've quit while he was a head -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1654 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len

My cousin was behind the bakery's cash register one morning when a gunman burst in and demanded all the cash. As she nervously handed over the money, she noticed the rolls of coins in the back of the register. "Do you want the rolls too?" she asked. "No," said the robber, waving his gun. "Just the money." ======== When I was a child, I remember my Mom telling me, "Son, when you grow up, you can marry any girl you please." When I became a young man, I learned the sad fact was that I could not please any of them. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and calculators. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter for home users. SPAMfighter has removed 1654 spam emails to date. Paying users do not have this message in their emails. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len