Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Bubba's 21st birthday came a round, he and his pal Jim Bob, took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Bubba stepped out of the boat ........ and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?' Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, 'Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dummy! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1858 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Subject: My Resignation as an Adult I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of a 5 year old again. * I want to go to McDonald's and think that it is a four star restaurant. * I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples in a pond with rocks. * I want to think M&M's are better than money because you can eat them. * I want to lie under a big oak tree and watch the ants march up its trunk. * I want to run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day. * I want to go fishing and care more about catching the minnows along the shore than the big bass in the lake. * I want to think the world is fair. * I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all I knew about were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes. When I didn't know what I know now. When all I knew was to be happy because I was blissfully unaware of all the things that should make me worried. * I want to think that a quarter is worth more than a dollar bill because it is prettier and weighs more. * I want to think that everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. * I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things in life again. * I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, dreams, the imagination, the Tooth Fairy, a kiss that makes a boo-boo go away, making angels in the snow, and that my dad and G-d are the strongest people in the world. So......here's my checkbook and my car keys, my credit cards and the bills, my 401K statements, my stocks and bonds, my collections, my insurance premiums, my job, my house and the payments, my e-mail address, pager, cell phone, computer, and watch. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this with me further, you'll have to catch me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AOL Search: Your one stop for directions, recipes and all other Holiday needs. Search Now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1858 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

- If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. - Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. - Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. - Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. - If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. - My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. - Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. - It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. - If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. - Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AOL Search: Your one stop for directions, recipes and all other Holiday needs. Search Now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1854 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

This project sounds like the time my husband and I tried to put a cabinet sink into our bathroom. What should have taken about 4 hours, took us 3 days! Of course, then, it was all HIS idea! Mary P. ----- Original Message ----- From: "Rebecca" <[email protected]> To: <[email protected]> Sent: Sunday, November 09, 2008 9:04 PM Subject: Re: [GENHUMOR] The Deck > > > And that is a man for you! > > Seriously now, who writes these directions? Better yet, in what strange land do they live? > -------------- Original message from "Dianne" <[email protected]>: -------------- > > > > Oct. 30, 2001 > > > > THE DECK > > Well, we decided to re-stain the house and deck this week. The house is cedar wood and so is the deck. So we just have to apply this outer coat of wood > > presevative. Doesn't that sound simple? > > First we have to buy 25 gallons of bleach, to bleach the deck and the house to remove mildew and the old dead color. You simply spray this on with a 2 gallon spray can. You should only do this when the wind is not blowing at you. Unfortunately we had a little wind the day I am spraying the deck rails, I had to resort to a pair of safety glasses and old clothes. This took only about 3 days. Then you try to get the wood presevative on the deck before the dog has re deposited all his hair onto the deck. So you get your glasses and read the directions. " Do not roll on, do not spray on, use a brush only." ( ok, I can do that) do not apply when the temperature is below 58 degrees, do not apply in the sun, do not apply to hot wood, do not apply when wind is blowing, do not > > apply if temperatures will fall below 58 degrees in the next 24 hours, do not > > apply if sun will heat applied area within 24 hours.. Ok, that did it for me, > > just WHEN do you think would be a good time to do t! > > his? My husband and I just said the heck with it, and merrily applied this > > crap, every so often I would ask, do you think the sun is too hot here? He > > says, "I don't think so", or I would say, "Do you think it will fall below 58 > > degrees tonight?" He says, I don't think so" that was his famous line for > > everything. Every morning he would get up at 5 a.m. and let me know when it was > > at least 58 degrees (sometimes not till about 10 a.m.). We had been at this for > > about a week, and then on the last section of deck, > > (today) it decides to rain 3 inches in one hour. So the last piece will have > > to wait until we can dry it out for a while. So while it rained, I washed my > > jelly jars getting ready for our next adventure called "Making Pomegranate > > Jelly" > > > > > > > > ------------------------------- > > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > > [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in > > the subject and the body of the message > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message >

A frantic guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Buddy, please, can you loan me a hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident and I need to get her to the hospital." The stranger says, "If you so desperately need a hundred dollars, what are you doing in a casino?" The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money." =========== The detective was leafing through the suspect's crime history folder. "Hmmm, quite a record." he said. "Shoplifting, hit-and-run, disorderly conduct, armed Robbery, sexual assault, rape, man-slaughter..." "Yeah, I know." said the prisoner. "It took me quite a while to figure out what I was good at." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously - it can kill you. On average, people fear spiders more than they do dying. However, statistically you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by the bite of a poisonous spider. On average, right-handed people live 9 years longer than their left-handed counterparts. Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older. Over 2500 left handed people are killed each year from using products made for right handed people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence. --William F. Buckley Every teenager should get a high school education -- even if they already know everything Some things that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10 just to repair A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell The outcome of the income depends on the outgo for the upkeep ========== =========== -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1852 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Michael Jackson is off to Florida on vacation. This year he's going to Tampa with the kids. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. What are three words you dread the most while making love? "Honey, I'm home." "Personal" ad in local paper: David G. Contact me soon! Bring three rings: Engagement, wedding, and teething. Have news. Debbie. The difference between war and peace is there never has been a good war. What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. ````````````````````````` A few days before his proctologic exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he began his examination, was that eye staring right back at him. 'You know,' said the doctor, 'you really have to learn to trust me.' ========== -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1852 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

We've just received the results of a survey conducted to ascertain the various reasons men get out of bed in the middle of the night. According to the report, 2% are motivated by a desire to visit the bathroom and 3% have an urge to raid the refrigerator. The other 95% get up to go home. ``````````````````````````````````` A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, "But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half." "Just bring me a size eight." The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain. He turns to the salesman and says, "I've lost my house to the IRS, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, my business has filed Chapter 7, and my son just told me he was going to become an artist. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off." ========== A Texan, trying to impress a Bostonian with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, said, "I'll bet you never had anyone so brave around Boston." "Ever hear of Paul Revere?" asked the Bostonian. "Paul Revere?" said the Texan. "Isn't he the guy who ran for help?" =========== A guy was doing a walking tour of a small town. He noticed that although most of the town was pretty shabby, there was one block that was all spruced up and the businesses there were obviously doing very well. Puzzled, he asked a local why this was. "Well," he was told, "you know the funeral home is in the center of that block." "So, what does that have to do with anything?" the tourist asked. The local just shook his head and said, "Haven't you heard the saying: Prosperity is just around the coroner?" ========= The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply..."Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics." ========= One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report for the year. "Why don't you use Roman numerals to head the different sections?" another friend suggested. "I already thought of that," he replied. "But my keyboard doesn't have Roman numerals on it." -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1852 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

The Woman Who Knows Her Place Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul , Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Ms. Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?" The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation, said, "Land mines." MORAL OF THE STORY: Behind every man is a smart woman ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1852 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Remember the buddy system...because two have more fun than one! Take time once in a while to just enjoy the moment... When someone tries to surprise you, let them think they got away with it... Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder... Remember, the Lord knows you're special.... Always try to do what you are taught, it can sometimes lead to beautiful things... Try to give a gentle lift to a friend in need... Search for the best route to what you're hoping for... No goal is too hard to attain when you persevere... Sometimes it's better to watch from a distance and plan your next move carefully... Get to know someone first before accepting that he may be your enemy... Be careful what you put into your body, health is too important to ignore.... Present yourself well and mind your manners... Remember, no matter how much you resemble your siblings, you are still unique. Taking a power nap from time to time can put you back in the pink! Whenever possible, jump and clap for joy! We live in an awesome world. Make it an awesome day. Peace To All and May God Bless You Live simply. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.6 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 1852 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

I'm going to add one of my humorous family stories to the mix. I was 20 yrs old and was about to see my grandparents again after a 10 yr. lapse. The lapse was because of a 10 yr old --let's say dispute within the family. I was very nervous, hoping my grandmother would not bring up the past and ruin the occasion. I decided to bring my boyfriend whom I'd been dating a couple of years to help ease the tension. He was very tall, clean looking and had a mustache. The very first thing she said after I introduced her to him were, "Looks like ya swallered the mule, but left his tail a-hanging!" Well, needless to say, that broke the mood. ;) Anne

Farm Workers June 13, 2006 I am still here, just been so busy helping our son Rick, and going to ball games. He has a farm with almonds and walnuts, The walnut orchard is just a young orchard and the trees are small so he has my husband and I help him prune them, then we had to put water emitters and water lines in the almond orchard. Seems the squirrels love to eat holes in the lines. Right now we are helping him plant a pomegranate orchard. Set up string lines, dig, plant, stake, water. We get a row of 40 done in a day, could do more, but we are getting old. Getting a nice tan on my neck and lower arms, I suggested wearing shorts, they all nixed that. I guess the thought of me bending over planting a tree in shorts didn't do much for them. Plus my son is the manager of the boys all star team and coach for his daughter's softball team, and right now he is the coach of the Tournament of Champions, which means the first place team of the league plays other first place teams from different areas, so between pruning and planting orchards and softball we are kept busy. One day we were out pruning the walnut trees, and his farm advisor guy came by then called Rick and told him when his Mexicans get done pruning the suckers off the walnut trees, they could do the summer pruning. He said "what Mexicans? The farm advisor guy says, "the ones out there pruning off the suckers." "Those aren't my Mexicans, Rick says, "they're my parents!" Only ran into 2 rattle snakes while pruning.

Now these are the type of humorous stories I thought this list was all about. I'm loving them, Dianne! Anne Dianne wrote: > Merry Christmas???? > Dec. 23, 2002 > > Today as I was addressing Christmas cards, I asked Bob if he wanted me to send one to Danny Hernandez and his wife Patsy. He says, "isn't her name different from his???" "yes," I said. "His is Danny and hers is Patsy!" He says, " on the inside of the card, I thought she had a different last name than he does." So I open the card and I about could not control that laughter that escaped , above Danny's name, were the words, "Feliz Navidad". Now to Bob this sounds like a girl's name, to anyone else, it means "Merry Christmas" in spanish. what a nut!!!!!! > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > > No virus found in this incoming message. > Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com > Version: 8.0.175 / Virus Database: 270.9.0/1779 - Release Date: 11/10/2008 7:53 AM > >

Oh my gosh! she said that??? ----- Original Message ----- From: AnneS To: [email protected] Sent: Monday, November 10, 2008 2:42 PM Subject: [GENHUMOR] Mustaches I'm going to add one of my humorous family stories to the mix. I was 20 yrs old and was about to see my grandparents again after a 10 yr. lapse. The lapse was because of a 10 yr old --let's say dispute within the family. I was very nervous, hoping my grandmother would not bring up the past and ruin the occasion. I decided to bring my boyfriend whom I'd been dating a couple of years to help ease the tension. He was very tall, clean looking and had a mustache. The very first thing she said after I introduced her to him were, "Looks like ya swallered the mule, but left his tail a-hanging!" Well, needless to say, that broke the mood. ;) Anne ------------------------------- To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in the subject and the body of the message No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.138 / Virus Database: 270.9.0/1777 - Release Date: 11/9/2008 9:53 AM

sorry wrong story sent earlier Farming June 13, 2006 I am still here, just been so busy helping our son Rick, and going to ball games. He has a farm with almonds and walnuts, The walnut orchard is just a young orchard and the trees are small so he has my husband and I help him prune them, then we had to put water emitters and water lines in the almond orchard. Seems the squirrels love to eat holes in the lines. Right now we are helping him plant a pomegranate orchard. Set up string lines, dig, plant, stake, water. We get a row of 40 done in a day, could do more, but we are getting old. Getting a nice tan on my neck and lower arms, I suggested wearing shorts, they all nixed that. I guess the thought of me bending over planting a tree in shorts didn't do much for them. Plus my son is the manager of the boys all star team and coach for his daughter's softball team, and right now he is the coach of the Tournament of Champions, which means the first place team of the league plays other first place teams from different areas, so between pruning and planting orchards and softball we are kept busy. One day we were out pruning the walnut trees, and his farm advisor guy came by then called Rick and told him when his Mexicans get done pruning the suckers off the walnut trees, they could do the summer pruning. He said "what Mexicans? The farm advisor guy says, "the ones out there pruning off the suckers." "Those aren't my Mexicans, Rick says, "they're my parents!" Only ran into 2 rattle snakes while pruning.

Merry Christmas???? Dec. 23, 2002 Today as I was addressing Christmas cards, I asked Bob if he wanted me to send one to Danny Hernandez and his wife Patsy. He says, "isn't her name different from his???" "yes," I said. "His is Danny and hers is Patsy!" He says, " on the inside of the card, I thought she had a different last name than he does." So I open the card and I about could not control that laughter that escaped , above Danny's name, were the words, "Feliz Navidad". Now to Bob this sounds like a girl's name, to anyone else, it means "Merry Christmas" in spanish. what a nut!!!!!!

Oct. 28, 2002 Making Jelly I made some pomegranate jelly, after all the mess of squeezing the juice out of the pomegranates, I now have to stand and stir. Jill had left the kids and walked down to her house for some more jars... I had 2 year old Max wanting me to turn on power rangers, me having to stir the jelly for 2 minutes without stopping. I keep looking down at him as he is hanging on the back of my leg, waiting for him to sink some little teeth into me, if I don't get the power rangers on quick. I have jelly on my feet, all over my shirt, all over the stove, hanging from the cupboards, it seems to splash as you stir it. It has to boil at a rolling boil for 2 minutes. My fingers have burn spots where the jelly splashed out of the pot and on to my fingers as I am stirring. Why can't they make a longer handled spoon for this? The cat is licking the jelly from my bare toes as I am stirring, I am kicking at it to stop..5 year old .Alix is wanting to know where the little scissors are...what is she cutting. ??? I am yelling for Grandpa to see what she wants to cut and to push in the Power Rangers on the VCR for Max, but It seems he has left the house for a moment....(very convenient). while outside, he shot a hole in the railing of the deck aiming at a turkey. He was going to shoot between the railings, but he forgot that the pattern for a shotgun shell is a little wider than between the rails. I am so confined to the stove with this jelly that I don't even know if I'll have a house left when I am finished. I think 4 cases of Jelly should be enough, so I think I am done. Now I have to go inspect the house to see if it's all there.

And that is a man for you! Seriously now, who writes these directions? Better yet, in what strange land do they live? -------------- Original message from "Dianne" <[email protected]>: -------------- > Oct. 30, 2001 > > THE DECK > Well, we decided to re-stain the house and deck this week. The house is cedar wood and so is the deck. So we just have to apply this outer coat of wood > presevative. Doesn't that sound simple? > First we have to buy 25 gallons of bleach, to bleach the deck and the house to remove mildew and the old dead color. You simply spray this on with a 2 gallon spray can. You should only do this when the wind is not blowing at you. Unfortunately we had a little wind the day I am spraying the deck rails, I had to resort to a pair of safety glasses and old clothes. This took only about 3 days. Then you try to get the wood presevative on the deck before the dog has re deposited all his hair onto the deck. So you get your glasses and read the directions. " Do not roll on, do not spray on, use a brush only." ( ok, I can do that) do not apply when the temperature is below 58 degrees, do not apply in the sun, do not apply to hot wood, do not apply when wind is blowing, do not > apply if temperatures will fall below 58 degrees in the next 24 hours, do not > apply if sun will heat applied area within 24 hours.. Ok, that did it for me, > just WHEN do you think would be a good time to do t! > his? My husband and I just said the heck with it, and merrily applied this > crap, every so often I would ask, do you think the sun is too hot here? He > says, "I don't think so", or I would say, "Do you think it will fall below 58 > degrees tonight?" He says, I don't think so" that was his famous line for > everything. Every morning he would get up at 5 a.m. and let me know when it was > at least 58 degrees (sometimes not till about 10 a.m.). We had been at this for > about a week, and then on the last section of deck, > (today) it decides to rain 3 inches in one hour. So the last piece will have > to wait until we can dry it out for a while. So while it rained, I washed my > jelly jars getting ready for our next adventure called "Making Pomegranate > Jelly" > > > > ------------------------------- > To unsubscribe from the list, please send an email to > [email protected] with the word 'unsubscribe' without the quotes in > the subject and the body of the message

Oct. 28, 2002 Making Jelly I made some pomegranate jelly, after all the mess of squeezing the juice out of the pomegranates, I now have to stand and stir. Jill had left the kids and walked down to her house for some more jars... I had 2 year old Max wanting me to turn on power rangers, me having to stir the jelly for 2 minutes without stopping. I keep looking down at him as he is hanging on the back of my leg, waiting for him to sink some little teeth into me, if I don't get the power rangers on quick. I have jelly on my feet, all over my shirt, all over the stove, hanging from the cupboards, it seems to splash as you stir it. It has to boil at a rolling boil for 2 minutes. My fingers have burn spots where the jelly splashed out of the pot and on to my fingers as I am stirring. Why can't they make a longer handled spoon for this? The cat is licking the jelly from my bare toes as I am stirring, I am kicking at it to stop..5 year old .Alix is wanting to know where the little scissors are...what is she cutting. ??? I am yelling for Grandpa to see what she wants to cut and to push in the Power Rangers on the VCR for Max, but It seems he has left the house for a moment....(very convenient). while outside, he shot a hole in the railing of the deck aiming at a turkey. He was going to shoot between the railings, but he forgot that the pattern for a shotgun shell is a little wider than between the rails. I am so confined to the stove with this jelly that I don't even know if I'll have a house left when I am finished. I think 4 cases of Jelly should be enough, so I think I am done. Now I have to go inspect the house to see if it's all there.

The Automatic Gate Opener Nov. 16, 2001 We have a couple of horses and a little pony, that love to sneak into the yard and wander around in the garden and yard and eat whatever they like. We usually leave the gate open all day and close it at night, but the horses are wise to that. So we decided we needed and automatic gate opener and closer. We spend a fortune, get this box that has a hydraulic arm (that's the gate opener) some directions, a video that makes this look like a pre-schooler could put it up. Comes with everything, except the gate and the wire to run. Husband Bob goes out first thing in the morning (yesterday) and gets things set up. First of all we are using our old gate that looks like it used to belong on the Gene Autry Ranch (for you young ones, let's say the Ponderosa Ranch. Younger that that, let's say it looks like an old farm gate.) He says he isn't going to buy anything, he has all kinds of good stuff here to fix it. (all this good stuff, is stuff I tell him to throw in the dumpster, but he says it all has a purpose) He rigs this gate with a couple pieces of metal that look like that came out of the original erector set, a million holes in it. Hooks the ram up to that, gets the control board all set up, now he has to have something to stop the gate when it opens. They suggest a pole with a rubber bumper, he has a great big old ancient crowbar stabbed into the ground. I say, "Hey, Mr. Mcgiver, what do we have here?" he says, " a conversation piece" . At least it works!!!!!!

EMPLOYEE NOTICE Oct. 2000 My son Rick is a rice farmer, and he had me type this up and he gave one to each of his employees, he thought it was hilarious. So did I, because these guys have done almost all of these. Dianne Employee Notice Do not put diesel in gasoline engines Do not put gasoline in diesel engines Do not put hands under operating mower Do not run tractor without water Do not plow on neighboring farmer's property Do not run over cables with machinery Do not put face or hands in fan blade Do not drink water from ditches Do not loan my farm equipment to other farmers Do not step in puddles over your head Do not urinate on hot engine Do not inflate tires until they rupture Do not drive farm equipment on roads with disk blades down Do not spray roundup on rice fields Do not swim in rice fields Do not turn off diesel tractor to eat lunch or urinate Do not keep bologna sandwiches in hot cab of tractor Do not call 900 numbers from farm owned cell phone Do not smoke pot while operating harvester Do not run out of gas at the rice drier and have to be pulled through by a chain