I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!" So away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished Till all the additional ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie - not even a lick. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore But isn't that what January is for? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2069 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

 'Twas the week after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please." As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2069 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING Two men are out ice fishing at their favorite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer . Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.' Earl continues slowly sipping his beer , then thoughtfully says , 'You better think it over - women like that are hard to find.' . Send e-mail faster without improving your typing skills. Get your Hotmail® account. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2069 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

I am an unspoiled page in your book of time. I am your next chance at the art of living. I am your opportunity to practice what you have learned about life during the last twelve months. All that you sought and didn't find is hidden in me, waiting for you to search it out with more determination. All the good that you tried for and didn't achieve is mine to grant when you have fewer conflicting desires. All that you dreamed but didn't dare to do, all that you hoped but did not will, all the faith that you claimed but did not have - these slumber lightly, waiting to be awakened by the touch of a strong purpose. I am your opportunity to make all things new. I am the New Year! ~ Author Unknown New year...new news. Be the first to know what is making headlines. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2065 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Trees It's important to have roots. In today's complex world, it pays to branch out. Don't pine away over old flames. If you really believe in something, don't be afraid to go out on a limb. Be flexible so you don't break when a harsh wind blows. Sometimes you have to shed your old bark in order to grow. If you want to maintain accurate records, keep a log. To be politically correct, don't wear firs. Grow where you're planted. It's perfectly okay to be a late bloomer. Avoid people who would like to cut you down. Get all spruced up when you have a hot date. If the party gets boring, just leaf. You can't hide your true colors as you approach the autumn of your life. It's more important to be honest than popular. New year...new news. Be the first to know what is making headlines. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2065 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

To my family and friends, I wish a happy new year, filled with hope, and love, joy, and cheer. May a new dream arrive with a beautiful song, marking an end to heartache, a time to forgive all wrong. May it be a year to let go of regrets of the past, a time of opportunity that binds determination fast, and brings all the hope a heart can hold, and a source of inspiration that never grows old. May the new year bring great strength and a purpose that's true-- I wish my family and friends these wonderful things, in the year that's bright and new. On New Year's Day and the whole year through, I hope the kindness you've given to others returns many times to you. May hope, love, and warmth be in your heart's possessing, and may the New Year bring you and yours many blessings. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2065 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

2009 Contract After serious & cautious consideration . . . Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2009! It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!! My Wish for You in 2009 May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words . . . May 2009 be the best year of your life!!! -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2065 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Wishing You 12 Months of Happiness; 52 Weeks of Blessing; 365 Days of Laughter, 8760 Hours of Good Luck; AND 31536000 Seconds of Success. Thank you all for being a part of my days. I wish you a very happy and safe new year. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2065 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Dear Father It is just me again. You know I have this group of friends that I need you to take care of and watch over. They are not all from my town, and some not even in the same state. They are scattered all over. We send e-mails to each other, speak on the phone at times, and there are a lot that I have been lucky enough to share a real hug with over the course of time! There is so much going on in the world, and it scares me, you see I care about these friends, and God that is why I am asking you to please watch over them and protect them. I would never have imagined that I could care and even love these special friends so much ~ they HAVE made such a difference in my life!! The truth is loving and truly caring about a person begins in the heart, and it stays inside of the heart. I ask you God to give my friends health, happiness and peace, please take care of them, and guide them. I have been so blessed to have found so many 'special' friends from all around. I have learned that although some of us have different beliefs and we live differently, we are so much alike, all hoping for the same things in life, true happiness. Please God, Bless each one of these friends that have touched my life in one way or another. I know that each one of these folks has been placed in my path for a reason, so I ask you once again God, protect them, guide them, keep them safe, love them and Bless them throughout their lives. Amen -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2064 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Subject: Why Children are like Kites You spend years trying to get them off the ground. You run with them until you are both breathless. They crash ... they hit the roof ... you patch, comfort and assure them that someday they will fly. Finally, they are airborne. They need more string, and you keep letting it out. They tug, and with each twist of the twine, there is sadness that goes with joy. The kite becomes more distant, and you know it won't be long before that beautiful creature will snap the lifeline that binds you together and will soar as meant to soar ... free and alone. Only then do you know that you have done your job. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2064 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

"Recipe for a Happy 2009" Take 12 fine, full-grown months; see that these are thoroughly cleansed from all old memories of bitterness, hate, and jealousy. Cut these months into 30 or 31 equal parts. (This batch will keep for one year. Do not attempt to make more than one batch at a time; many people spoil the entire lot in this way.) Prepare one day at a time as follows: Into each day, put twelve parts of faith, eleven of patience,ten of courage, nine of work, (some people omit this ingredient and spoil the flavor of the rest), eight of hope, seven of fidelity, six of open-mindedness, five of kindness, four of rest, (leaving this out is like leaving the oil out of the salad. Don't do it), three of prayer, two of meditation, and one of well-selected resolution. If you have no conscientious scruples, add a teaspoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play, and a heaping cupful of good humor. Pour love liberally into the whole, and mix with strength. Cook thoroughly in a warming hearth. Garnish with a few smiles and a sprig of joy; then serve with quietness, unselfishness, and cheerfulness; and a great New Year is a certainty -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2060 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

OUR WINTER IN MINNESOTA It's winter in Minnesota And the gentle breezes blow Seventy miles an hour At twenty-five below. Oh, how I love Minnesota When the snow's up to your butt You take a breath of winter And your nose gets frozen shut. Yes, the weather here is wonderful So I guess I'll hang around I could never leave Minnesota 'Cause I'm frozen to the ground!! J -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2060 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

SO... Take the life that you have and give it your best... Think positive be happy let God do the rest... Take the challenges that life has laid at your feet... Take pride and be thankful for each one you meet... To yourself give forgiveness if you stumble and fall... Take each day that is dealt you and give it your all... Take the love that you're given and return it with care... Have faith that when needed it will always be there... Take time to find the beauty in the things that you see... Take life's simple pleasures let them set your heart free... The idea here is simply to even the score... As you are met and faced with Life's Tug of War. Dr. James Robert Rowe-Loy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2060 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Life can seem ungrateful and not always kind... Life can pull at your heartstrings and play with your mind... Life can be blissful and happy and free... Life can put beauty in the things that you see ... Life can place challenges right at your feet... Life can make good of the hardships we meet... Life can overwhelm you and make your head spin... Life can reward those determined to win... Life can be hurtful and not always fair... Life can surround you with people who care ... Life clearly does offer its ups and its downs... Life's days can bring you both smiles and frowns... Life teaches us to take the good with the bad... Life is a mixture of happy and sad... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2060 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Adam, a bright-eyed 3-year-old, had been told of his German heritage. After church in early December, I asked him if he had a part in the Sunday school Christmas pageant. "Yes," he replied, his eyes filling with joy. "I am going to be a German shepherd!" ====== A guy was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the guy. "It said `FINE FOR PARKING HERE`." ===== Advent was one week away so we thought we'd see what the children remembered from our family devotions the year before. "Who can tell me what the four candles in the Advent wreath represent?" I asked. Luke jumped in with seven-year-old wisdom and exuberance. "There's love, joy, peace, and ... and ... " "I know!" six-year-old Elise interrupted to finish her brother's sentence: "Peace and quiet!" One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2060 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

So bad, they're good... What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy! Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up? 'Cause they wear their belts on their hats! What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!! What is the Turkey's favorite black tie celebration? The Butter Ball What do you get when you cross a turkey, the beach, and Broomhilda? A turkey sand-witch What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside Why do turkeys eat so little? Because they are always stuffed Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off. What key has legs and can't open doors? Tur-key. What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, hubble, hubble. How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I'll tell you at Christmas. today's THOT Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Johnny wrote, "I'm thankful that I'm not a turkey." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2058 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Subject: VERY IMPORTANT FACTS from your Financial Adviser!! VERY IMPORTANT FACTS from your Financial Adviser!! Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at financial planning than men... One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2058 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

Two blondes, Carey and Pam, decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered. They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde, Carey, says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!" -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2054 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

. LOVE POEM SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE, SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE. SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO. PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER. I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER. SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL. BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.' YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL, AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER. BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO' I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER. BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY. MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE; YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY. Brings a tear to yer eye, don't it? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One site keeps you connected to all your email: AOL Mail, Gmail, and Yahoo Mail. Try it now. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2054 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile, we'd grab ours back. 41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 42. The best is yet to come. 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up. 44. Yield. 45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift. -- I am using the free version of SPAMfighter. We are a community of 5.8 million users fighting spam. SPAMfighter has removed 2049 of my spam emails to date. Get the free SPAMfighter here: http://www.spamfighter.com/len The Professional version does not have this message