< =========================== < "BLESS ME FATHER" =========================== < VATICAN CITY (Rueters) -- The Catholic Church has finally entered into the Computer Age with a new "fast track" method of confessing your sins. < Beginning Feb. 14 -- coincidentally the Feast of St. Valentine -- sinners can cleanse their soul swiftly via Hotmail. < "We realized it will save time, money and trouble for folks who live a distance from church," said Father Guido Sarducci, a Brooklyn boy now a spokesman for the Vatican. < Sarducci said both mortal and venial sins can be removed in no time at all and indicated with a show of hands just how big the mortal sins can be. < http://www.fathersarducci.com/images/sarduccioval.gif < There is no limit to the sins you can confess and, even when you admit the worse ones, you'll never receive a reply, "HOLY SHIT!" < The Vatican's Confessional Reform Act has met with favorable reaction worldwide. < Ed Conrad, a hardcore sinner from Mahanoy City, Pa., praised the church for getting its head out of the sand and into the Computer Age. < Charles Manson, who lives in Corcoran, Calif, called it it the "best thing that could possibly happen, with the possible exception of finding a file in your gift Apple Pie." As of Feb. 14, confessions will be accepted via hotmail from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. Vatican time (except Sundays, its Day of Rest). < The hotmail address for Confession Express is [email protected] < In another breakthrough, the Vatican announced that, instead of the Age-Old practice of dealing out penances -- like, say, three Hail Marys and three Our Fathers -- sinners will be required to read the following blogs. < However, if yo were really bad -- you'd be required to read them two or three times -- up 'til 10 -- then pass a brief quiz about what you've learned. < http://www.edconrad.org < If you were really, REALLY bad, you may be required to read the following articles a few times as well. < Some who have had to do so have said it's a punishment worse than hell. < http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.ed-conrad/msg/522305f02e955b66 < http://www.edconrad.com < ================ <